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Living abroad, never met alleged child

 
fe6bafa4
(@fe6bafa4)
New Member Registered

Hello. I'm seeking some real world manly advice from someone who's been in a situation like mine.

 

It started with a one month relationship that abruptly and catastrophically ended with a surprise pregnancy and I was pushed away since then.

I live in another country from the mother and child who live in the US.

I have not yet completed a genetic test to prove my paternity with the one year old child.

I can't leave my country. I can't return to the country of the child.

I wish to father and care for my child, for my child to grow up in my country, learn multiple languages, and attend school here.

I've had no contact with the child at all, and I don't have much contact with the mother. It is very difficult and upsetting for me to talk to her.

She's only reached out to me telling me I need to take responsibility.

The mother has now requested child support and I was summoned for Family Court for a telephone appearance for the case of paternity.

First off, as I understand I'll need to confirm paternity and the court will calculate my child support obligation.

The mother tries to guilt me into taking responsibility of my daughter, yet I feel she just wants money, and doesn't care about my rights as a father.

Now she says she wants to cancel the court case and for us to just come up with a monthly support plan on our own.

I'm heartbroken over the situation every day for a year now, especially since I haven't met my alleged child.

I don't even know if she's mine, and I don't know if I'll ever get to meet her or raise her in my country, and I don't really know what are my rights as a father abroad.

 

How is the genetic test done internationally?

What rights do I have in terms of getting my daughter to come abroad?

Would I be able to achieve some sort of 50/50 custody to have my child live six months between countries or how do such situations work?

What if the mother disagrees to such plan?

What are my options in general?

 

Thank you.

 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 12/09/2022 7:32 pm
HarveyBDAC
(@harveybdac)
Eminent Member Registered

Which country are you in ? 

50/50 split done 6 months / 6 months is NEVER going to happen - that is far too much disruption for a child.   They need consistency and stability as much as possible 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12/09/2022 9:02 pm

how contact centres work

Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

Thats tough for you.  I guess if you refuse to pay she will have to go through the court system.  Then you can ask for a paternity test.  They will make orders to ensure that its conducted properly

ReplyQuote
Posted : 14/09/2022 8:18 am
mrstrange
(@mrstrange)
Estimable Member Registered

The position of family court is that a relationship with both parents is good for a child's development.

They will support and promote contact as long as it's safe and practical to do so.

Even when a parent lives in a different country or have never met the child, family court will introduce contact and increase it when appropriate. 

It's good to have realistic expectations. If there has been no contact, the first step is usually indirect contact through video calls, letters or gifts. This might be ordered at the beginning of the proceedings.

 

What you need to have a think about are future arrangements. Because of the child's age, that the court would order direct contact to take place in the UK to begin with.

If this goes well then orders can be made for the child to spend some with you in your country. However this will not be on the basis of parents alternating 3-6 months. It's important to have the right expectation and propose arrangements that are child-focused and practical. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/09/2022 6:22 am

top tips to support your child after breakup

mrstrange
(@mrstrange)
Estimable Member Registered

The position of family court is that a relationship with both parents is good for a child's development.

They will support and promote contact as long as it's safe and practical to do so.

Even when a parent lives in a different country or have never met the child, family court will introduce contact and increase it when appropriate. 

It's good to have realistic expectations. If there has been no contact, the first step is usually indirect contact through video calls, letters or gifts. This might be ordered at the beginning of the proceedings.

 

What you need to have a think about are future arrangements. Because of the child's age, that the court would order direct contact to take place in the UK to begin with.

If this goes well then orders can be made for the child to spend some with you in your country. However this will not be on the basis of parents alternating 3-6 months. It's important to have the right expectation and propose arrangements that are child-focused and practical. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/09/2022 6:22 am

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