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Looking for advice for Brother in a bad situation

 
(@moleymoleymoley)
New Member Registered

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice for my Brother.

He's been in a relationship for approx 20 years, not married, two kids aged 5 and 8. They have a (mortgaged) house together (joint owners, both names on deeds).

In the last 18 months his relationship has deteriorated with his partner. I don't want to go into details but she's been cheating on him with both Men and Women, mainly the latter. Basically in this time he's been living in a nightmare, under the same roof, paying all bills for the last 9 years including mortgage.

They agreed to split over Christmas, but still live under the same roof - she didn't want to sell until she had got herself straight, sorted her mental health out (she is supposedly diagnosed ADHD but refuses to take her medication), and got a job in order to get herself somewhere to live.

Stupidly he agreed, though he knows she has no intention of getting a job or sorting herself out, she uses what money she has to fund her own lifestyle (holidays, going out every few days, disappearing whenever she feels like it for a couple of days, leaving him to just pick up the pieces with school runs/looking after the kids etc).

He then met someone else after they split up, and she then decided she wanted him (surprise surprise), and said she didn't want to sell the house after all and has no intention of doing so until the kids leave infant school. In the last week this has changed to secondary school.

In the meantime, he is effectively living at no fixed abode, he stays at his girlfriends most nights, and others stays with family. He misses the kids and his own mental health has been impacted as a result.

Whilst this has gone on, and he's given her time to sort herself out, she has sought advice through CAB and now got universal credit due to her mental health issues, whilst also pocketing approx £1000 a month (some towards mortgage, some towards child maintenance). He can no longer have the kids on a 50/50 basis because he has nowhere to accommodate the children in terms of sleeping arrangements, and can not afford to rent anywhere else to live because he is having to pay towards the mortgage to keep a roof over the kids heads whilst they stay with the Mother.

He could go back and stay at the family home but knows it will lead to arguments/animosity more than there already is, and doesn't want to cause the kids more stress than they have already suffered.

No matter who he talks to in the family we all give him the same advice:

- change the locks, throw her out

OR

- stop paying the mortgage and let her struggle to pay it to the point she is forced to sell/the house gets repossessed

 

Easy for us to say as we aren't in the situation but ultimately we don't know what to suggest. No matter which direction he goes in it feels like he's stuck and everything favours the Mother even though she has caused the family to become broken and has led a life of cheating on him the last 12 months whilst disregarding her duties as a Mother and letting him pick up the pieces.

 

Any advice anyone can give would be much appreciated. Feel lost with it all and don't know how to help him.

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 22/04/2024 10:45 pm
(@bill337)
Illustrious Member

Hi, there is good advice here, seems like he would have to take legal route if refuses to sell: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/apr/14/my-ex-partner-refuses-to-sell-the-jointly-owned-flat-where-we-will-with-our-children

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23/04/2024 4:30 pm

(@moleymoleymoley)
New Member Registered

@bill337 thanks for the response and the link to the article.

The article in fairness is similar to my Brothers situation. His ex is verbally abusive and with her mental health issues is prone to outbursts that border on physical violence though thankfully she has not crossed that threshold yet.

However with him being the Father in the equation, how do his rights differ (if at all) to that of the Mother?

My thinking/concern is that he goes to a solicitor, who sends the 'Order of Sale' letter to his ex, incurring a cost to my Brother.

But then because the children are not 18, he still has the responsibility to keep a roof over their heads (rightly so), so no sale is able to be forced. Is this a thing? Or am I dreaming it up?

 

He can't afford to get himself sorted and rent a place of his own until this is sorted, so the only fixed abode for the children is the family home.

 

If he does manage to rent somewhere in the coming months, then I wonder whether the outcome of such a process would be more favourable to him.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 23/04/2024 5:15 pm

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