Hi All. I just came across your forum and there is a lot of information that I am taking but I desperately need help. My story is I have a son and a daughter during a 7 year relationship. After an altercation she had me arrested and move over 5hr drive with our children. We were trying to work things out but I couldn't handle the lies anymore and decided to move on without her just be a good father to the children. I decided to discuss my situation to the social services who have been involved in your lives since our daughter was diagnosed with Autism.. After she found this out in June last year she stopped all contact with the children. I filed a contact order and went to court December last year. Things were going in my favor. The judge said he cant see any reason from what she was saying that should prevent me having contact with the children. Then she started making accusations that she fear I might hurt the children and that I have hurt them in the past I have been abusive to her ect... So we were given court directions. Schedule of allegations and to submit statements and next hearing is next week. She has now got a solicitor via legal aid. I cannot afford one so will be representing myself. The statement she submitted is fill of untruths and I have evidence to show. Example she said I never give her money and was controlling yet I have bank statements to show all the money I have given her. There is and accusation that I bought certain books on ebay that when delivered to the house she signed for which contained material on how to lower a woman's self esteem. I have never seen a book like this in my life. not only that but I was able to get my ebay records to show I never bought a book on ebay ever. She said I was verbally abusive to her but i now have a voice recording of her being extremely abusive to me in front of my daughter. I forgot all about this until my mom reminded me I sent her this voice recording in 2012 and she kept it and she sent it back to me. I have a lot of other evidence to prove she is not telling the truth. My questions are. How do I present my new evidence to the court. How do I represent myself against her experience solicitor. Do I need to prepare another statement with new evidence? Please help. my hearing is on Tuesday next week.
Hi there
You don't have enough time to write to the court and ask for permission to file further evidence unfortunately. I would write a brief position statement (1-2 pages) and refer to the evidence you have which you should attach to the back of the statement.
Generally you have to be asked to present further statements, but hopefully the judge will accept that it is important that you answer the new allegations made against you. When you are in front of the judge you should be given an opportunity to speak and you can explain that you have evidence in answer to the allegations made against you in her statement and offer a copy to the judge. If it is refused you can ask if it may be filed. Have a copy for your ex's solicitor too.
Judges are usually helpful to people that don't have a solicitor, just remember to be polite and don't interupt others when they are talking. If you are not sure of anything then there's nothing wrong with asking, take a pen and paper to make notes
Conbee70,
I feel for you my friend. I have recently gone through a hearing with very similar accusations and my ex had a legal aid funded barrister. It seems they can get legal aid so easily despite there being tougher criteria these days.
I too was worried but I realised about a month before the hearing that no amount of money can turn lies into the truth. Remember this, keep telling it to yourself.
As Mojo says, refer to the contradictory evidence in you position statement. Append some of it to that statement. I've been very lucky in that the judge in my case has allowed quite a lot of fresh evidence through that way.
With regard to the taped argument, make a typed transcript of it if you intend to refer to it. Quote some of it in your position statement and state that the audio recording is available for inspection.
The other side will of course try to trip you up but you just need to stay calm and show them where they are wrong. Don't forget the ex has probably lied to them so they don't really know the truth themselves.
At the start of the hearing, explain to the judge that you feel, in the interests of having a fair trial, you should be allowed to cross examine your ex. If they allow it, ask direct questions in a calm, non threatening manner. This isnt like TV, you don't need to be flash or anything like that. Just ask questions about the things she has lied about and when she lies in court, refer to the evidence in your statement. Prove her wrong.
You would benefit hugely if you allow the other side to go first. They will bring on the ex and get her to give evidence. Make detailed notes - pick out points you know you can win on and when you question her, focus on those points.
As far as being cross examined yourself, just be honest and, as I said, calm.
Tears are ok - it's an emotive experience and you are only human, just don't shout and try not to get angry or call anyone a liar. The judge will do that for you provided you can clearly show her up.
I wish you luck. This is a horrible place to be in but I promise you, when you prevail the feeling is incredible.
Hi conbee, how did you get on?
Hi All I really appreciate your help. The hearing didn't go so well but I got a small result. Her legal Aid lawyer and the judge talked for 35mins out of the 45mins hearing. Truth be told I got completely screwed over. The first hearing the judge could see right through her but this time I got a different judge and his focus was on what my ex lawyer was saying. Basically my ex submitted a statement full of lies. At the first hearing the judge asked the the statements be submitted on the same day at the same time. It was by the grace of God that i submitted 11 exhibits of evidence. when I saw her statement she had 1 exhibit.
One example of her lies she stated on her statement that I only saw the kids twice since the domestic incident which is not correct. I submitted on my statement details and evidence of photos train tickets ect of me visiting the children at least 5 times and even bringing them back to London for weekends because she wanted a break and wanted to go out with her friends. Another example she said on her statement that I was financially controlling causing her a lot of emotional distress. On my Statement I submitted bank statements going back all the way to 2013 showing monies I will transfer to her on a weekly basis. The list goes on an on. I think I got done over at this hearing because I didn't understand the language. So here is what happen. Her solicitor having saw my statement and evidence said that it is unusual for the statements to be submitted the same day. She said that my response to her client schedule of allegations were very long and was not done properly. She told the judge that she will like to redo the schedule of allegations and so a second statement with additional evidence. She said she will be requesting all information from the social services and police from all the places we lived because of new allegations that her client has made. She also wants all the medical records of her client all to incorporate into this second statment. She will send all these documents to me and the new statement so I can file my response based on that instead of both statements being submitted at the same time. Then she said I will have to Pay half the cost of acquiring the medical report and the police reports and the other half will be added to her clients legal Aid certificate.
The solicitor also lied in court. at the last hearing the court made directions that (1) my ex will accept the kids Christmas presents (2) between then and the second hearing I will arrange supervised contact and send details to my ex and the court and (3) My ex will get the kids to write a thank you daddy card and sent to me having received the presents. As the first hearing was three days before Christmas I couldn't find delivery for the presents so I drove 5 hrs and paid someone to take them to her house as I watch. I sent details of the supervised contact to the courts on the 8th of January. So I did my bit. Suffice to say I am still waiting on the card and never got a response about the supervised contact at a contact center. Emailed my Ex solicitors Twice once in January and second time if February regarding the tank you card and the interim contact at the contact center. She confirmed my emails. Yet in court yesterday the solicitors said she didn't know about the card not being sent to me. Her solicitor said her client does not agree for interim supervised contact because of the emotional well being of the the children. Her solicitor told the judge that she do not want to instigate direct contact because after the final hearing I might loose all contact with the children and thats not in their best interest. The judge then sent the solicitor to ask the my ex why she didn't follow the court directions and inquire about indirect contact via skype. Note my Ex is at the court in a different room as so dont want to see me.
On resume the solicitor told the judge that she dont have anything to facilitate indirect contact via skype or facetime and her client bought the card but was to emotionally distraught to get the children to write thank you and post it to me. So the judge ordered that she will send a card with photos of the children twice a month and I can send a card to the children twice a month. Fact finding hearing is in June and my ex requested a screen in court as she don't want to see me or I to see her. I am at a lost as to what to do because I have all this evidence but cannot afford a barrister or solicitor. Point to note fact finding is for two days. At least I will get a card and some photos of the kids but I will not be holding my breath.
Can I ask how do you know your partner has a legal aid funded barrister?
Mine has made all sorts of allegations against me and i have sent an email calling her names, i wonder if this is enough to get her legal aid.
Once legal aid is granted, the other side must let you know. They will send you a certificate.
It takes a long time to secure although the criteria are not particularly difficult to meet if the other side has a "clever" (devious) solicitor on the case.
Hi conbee, none of what you have described is unusual unfortunately. As there is to be a Finding of Fact, you will have an opportunity to put your evidence forward and challenge these allegations. Keep posting on the forum and we will do what we can to assist you. Some of us mods look over statements for people, just private message one of us and we will try to help you.
Coram has a really good helpline if you are self repping that you can use use for free advice
http://childlawadvice.org.uk/clas/contact-child-law-advice/
It might also be worth attending a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area where you can meet other parents going through the court process and receive guidance and support on your pending hearing. These meetings are run by volunteer McKenzie Friends whose day job s are usually helping parents through court.
https://fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings
Depending on your area (if costs are an issue) it might be possible to find a McKenzie Friend who works voluntarily. Again, contact one of the mods and we will try to assist.
Good luck and keep posting.
Thanks for your help Guys. Appreciate it. Just a few questions if I may. Can i get a solicitor to cross examine my ex partner in court or does it have to be a barrister charging £300 and more an hr 😮 ? Secondly The social services have requested to be at the fact finding hearing and I have no problem with that. Also Can I request that there is a TV screen so I can display a video that her friend sent me in court bragging of having me arrested? Will I be able to play the recorded evidence in court for all to hear so I can put a few questions to her. And finally seeing that she has requested to be behind a screen so I cannot see her will I be able to still put my questions to her? will the judge see her body language? Do I also need to make an application to the court telling them that I plan to cross examine her before or can I request it on the day. I have requested the help of family and friends to get a solicitors as I might be able to get one according to the response. If I were to get a lawyer at the last minute can I inform the court on the day that I have legal representation?
I will take what ever answers you have even if you cannot answer all. Thanks again fellas really appreciate your help.
Regards
Hi Guys. Just an update. Remember her solicitor requested information to try and back her story. The judge order that the solicitor send me a copy. Well the evidence is stacking up in my favor. Basically she had a private convo with one of the social services workers and this was redacted under the data i received under the freedom of info act.
Well her solicitor requested the underacted information I read it yesterday. The data show that she told a social worker who she trust that before the incident where i was arrested and release without charge that I never threatened her or was ever abusive to her in the past. Can you believe it. So the data her solicitor is requesting to try and prove her stories on her statement is working in my favor.
I also got some medical records that shows she lied on her statement about being on contraception and i was so controlling that I threw them away. In fact the medical records show that she visited a private doctor for fertility treatment on multiple occasions without me even knowing. I am so happy right now. I cannot emphasize enough how just being honest is the key here. I cant wait for the fact finding hearing.
Thanks for the update...it's great that things seem to be turning in your favour.
As far as the questions you asked in your previous post, give Coram a call and they should be able to give you some answers as I'm not sure about video evidence.
Hi Guys
Just another update. Got more evidence through the post and mostly in my favor again so still looking good for the fact finding in June 1st and 2nd. Quick question. Her solicitor sent me the police report and she stated she has a dvd of my interview that she will like to get transcribed and she want me to cover half the cost. How do I tell her to sod off in a polite way? The police report is as clear as day. I admitted I made a mistake I got in a bit of a rage when she said she was going to take the children away and damaged a door release without charge .
As I have always said and written in my statement since January I have never done anything like that in our 7 year relationship. On the police report and all the social services documents going years back she stated that I never been aggressive to her in the past. These allegations just popped up on her statement she submitted to the courts.
I know what I said in the police Interview and the police report clearly has all the information. So why should I pay for her to get this transcribed? I have my video and voice recorded evidence that I have to pay to be transcribed myself. Why is she asking me to pay while she has legal aid?
Thanks in advance