I've been to court twice previously to get reasonable contact with my son. The last time was in 2016 where I wanted (and genuinely believed this to be best for my son) 50% I didn't get that as my ex-wife was 'Barristered up to the eyeballs' and, being entirely honest, I was representing myself and I buckled/failed and accepted an 11th hour agreement (in the court building on the day of the hearing) to less. I ended up with about 65/35 in her favour being my son with me for one night every week, every other weekend and half of all school holidays. I regretted this immediately though couldn't take the stress anymore. I've accepted that and moved on and my son and I have made it work. I knew this was the end of the road for me without my son's voice being heard and I haven't wanted to put him in that position. Recently, he has started to suffer more at the hands of his Mum. She is unstable (in my opinion she is a high functioning psychopath based upon a lot of evidence not pertinent to this post) and is persistently making my son's life difficult. Emotional abuse is probably the correct terminology for her actions. My son is now telling me, and I hasten to add without being guided or manipulated by me, that he wants to spend half of his time with me... exactly what I wanted for him years ago. History will repeat itself here and there is no way she'll accept that without a court order. He's better off in my opinion without her in his life entirely though he loves his Mum (despite her significant flaws in her parenting and care of our son) and this is what he wants. My son is now 11, he is a mature 11 and very articulate. Is it likely that his voice and wishes will be permitted to be heard by the court? Without this I am convinced that any case I bring will not result in a good outcome. His schoolwork and behaviour in school have also dropped because of his Mum's behaviour towards him at home. I guess a change in character is a red flag to schools as his teacher phoned me (and his Mum separately) to tell us of this and he has subsequently (this morning) had a conversation with the school Designated Safeguarder who phoned me to tell me what my son is experiencing and to express their concern for his welfare (this was in confidence and his Mum will not know about this). Essentially I am well beyond my paygrade to know what is best to do but would be very grateful to receive some help l, particularly in regard to 1) is it likely my son's wishes at age 11 will be taken into account and 2) if I mention to the court that my son has spoken to the school's Safeguarder in confidence about his Mum, can/will the court ask her for a statement? That would be very helpful to my case if so.
You might want to approach the courts to vary your current order and raise these concerns. Cal social services and see what they suggest, if CAFCASS get involved, they will speak with the school and also your son and they will most likely be best placed to say if he is better off with you more regularly
Just wanted to provide an update on this and to ask a further question if someone with knowledge of the system can help?
In short, my ex-wife (probably after realising that if she didn't agree would potentially end up in a much worse position) has now agreed to 50/50 equally shared parenting.
I compiled a consent order which we both signed and submitted it to the court with the C100 requesting a variation of our existing order by mutual consent.
I expected this to just be a rubber stamping procedure by the court as we both agreed to it though I have now been contacted by CAFCASS asking me to confirm my personal details including phone number and I expect this is in advance of a telephone interview.
Can anyone tell me why CAFCASS are getting involved with this and what the likely procedure is going to be with regard to my application, as a whole, as it appears not to be just the rubber stamping exercise that I expected?
Thank you!
Hi,
court may decide to still get Cafcass involved, because they want to take precautions for child safety. info on consent order process:
- Solicitor prepares the C100 Form and drafts Consent Order based on your parenting plan
- They lodge the forms with your local court (Court Fee £215)
- You then receive the first hearing (FHDRA) date from the court (which you both need to attend).
- At this stage the court also inform Cafcass of the application and you will be asked to complete safeguarding checks in advance of the First Hearing.
- Cafcass then contact you for a brief telephone call and complete standard safeguarding checks (to include police and social services)
- Provided Cafcass have spoken with you before the hearing they then prepare a short ‘safeguarding letter’ which is duly sent you. This will set out if they think the court can simply approve the consent order at the hearing or if any safeguarding issues have arisen that need further investigation.
- If no issues with the safeguarding letter, you then attend at the hearing and, in most cases, it should be a case of simply rubber stamping the order, thus making it legally binding.
- If any safeguarding issues arise, the solicitor can then provide the instructing party with further advice as to what this means for the first hearing and you can pay for further legal advice if required.
- If no safeguarding issues, court likely to approve order and your parenting arrangements are made legally binding.
@bill337 Thank you, that is very helpful. It looks like I'm potentially getting myself into some trouble here by trying to do what my son wants.
I've already submitted the draft consent order requesting 50/50 (what my son wants) but by submitting the C100 for variation by consent I didn't provide any safeguarding information or concerns, which do exist and are logged at school and social services. Both of which will now come to light because of CAFCASS involvement.
This puts me in a predicament as I have effectively lied by ommision already on the C100 and I did this with the best of intention and acting on my son's wishes. However, now that the behaviour that my ex-wife has exhibited towards my son it doesn't sound like this is going to get rubber stamped without it all coming to light.
On that basis I'm wondering whether I should just let this run its course, telling the absolute truth to CAFCASS and ultimately the court from here on in or whether I might be best served by requesting to withdraw my existing application (without safeguarding mentioned) and to submit a further application with the appropriate boxes ticked and supplemental information provided on the form.
Is it clear to you from the information I've provided what the best course of action would be going forward or is it perhaps time that I sought legal representation as this is starting to feel like it's getting beyond my knowledge and ability?
Thank you!
Hi,
I think now that as you have applied already, you should let it run its course. If Cafcass bring things up and question you, you could just tell them you didn't think it was a major issue so you did not mention it and you just want this process to be over with as quickly as possible, for best interests of child. It is down to them to do the digging and decide what is safe or not for children.
- I'd just like to post a progress update, especially to @Bill337 who has helped me previously, as I'm sure there must be many who ask for advice then don't provide any additional information about what actually happened in the end. I understand there's many reasons why that could happen as people are often in highly emotionally charged situations and in the middle of battle posting an update is likely the last thing on their minds! My situation has changed dramatically tonight... my son has enjoyed the first part of his half term holiday with me and within hours of returning back to Mum the emotional abuse has returned. My son messaged me to tell me though fell short of allowing me to pick him up with his consent to remove him from his Mum on safeguarding grounds as his Dad. Regardless, 've decided enough is enough and I am phoning my local family court tomorrow to make an application for an urgent hearing without notice on emotional abuse grounds. My lad is suffering and whilst he loves his Mum and wasn't quite strong enough to let me 'rescue' him it's time I acted decisively on his behalf. I'll be sure to return in due course with the outcome and to seek further help/advice if I need it.