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hi im rory and im new to this forum i need some information. i have 2 children by 2 different ex'es and i work long hours i pay for both children 1 through the csa this is the child that i need info on and the other we pay direct.one daughter is 9 the other is 5. well i will tell you how it started my ex was happy at first when i got a new partner for me to have my daughterwho is 5 every weekend and at the time i did not see the 9 yr old which was my fault until my partner said to me that we need to share visitation between both until i met her my family had too much of a input which now i know to be wrong. we then changed visitation to seeing each child alternate weekend so i get too see both of my daughters which now we have a really good relationship with both of my daughters. my partner aslo has 4 children living with us so as you can emagine a very busy household but all the children get on very well together. well since the visitation has changed it was ok at first for a few months then the 5 yr old mum wanted more money so she went to the c s a all because i told my partner too buy my 5 yr old some clothes instead of giving her money 1 wk cus we got fed up her comming over in clothes that were too small for her. we have clothes that stay at our house for them both for when we take them out,but when she saw we bought her clothes instead of the money she totally flipped and from then on our relationship has been in tatters because she doesent think about the other ppl in our situation it all about her and how she can get more time and money for her self. she said that i dont see her enough so i changed hours at work so we could have my 5yr over 4 t every wk but even that wasent good enough to make up the money i missed out on from comming home earlier i have to work saturdays but she wants weekends and evenings. i have said too her that we will have her full time but she says no. what more can i do. we miss her very much cus the last time we saw her was boxing day when she stayed over but it is always when she says or i dont see her, we want concicdent access for my daughters sake aswell as ours we all miss her but im fed up with treading on egg shells i need to know how to get a court order because i know she wont go to mediation cus she aint interested in looking at what other ppl think or need its all about her needs so she can go out partying all the time. please can you help me.
my partner has been really good she used to pick my daughters up so they are there when i get home from work drop there money too them take her for hair cuts which her mum never does, but she has thrown it all back in our faces,
we dont have alot of money so i cant really afford to go to a solicitors.
Hi Rory/ruffus,
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time - Welcome to Dad Talk.
I hope you don't mind that I have moved your post into a thread of its own....
Its great to hear how your relationship with your daughters has blossomed by seeing them alternate weekends. The great help and support from your partner sounds so important for all of you in your busy home.
It must be tough when you try to compromise and see your 5 year old daughter when your ex says it can happen, especially if it means you have less wages to see your 5 year old more often.
What a shame that you feel you needed to divert money to ensure your daughter got clothes that you thought she needed. This seems to have been a point at which things got more difficult for you and your ex.
You seem to be doing as much as you can to fit in with your ex's requests around contact with your daughter. Its also clear that you want to put your daughters best interests ahead of your own - and you recognise that children need consistent care.
From what I have seen in other posts it seems important for you to go to mediation. At least it will show court that you tried to sort it out - and if your ex doesn't come to the mediation it will not help her when you go to court.
You say you can't afford to use a solicitor. In other posts the advice has been that people can find out if they can get free legal aid. Also, advice was that you are also able to represent yourself without using a solicitor.
I will ask our legal experts to have a look at your post. The Children's Legal Centre have a heavy workload recently and might take up to 2 weeks before they can post a reply to your request for advice.
If you feel you need help urgently you can call their helpline - 08088 020 008.
While you are waiting you might find it really helpful to read through other posts in the Leagle Eagle board. I think you will find a lot of useful information about how to start mediation, what to do to start getting a court order, where to ask for legal aid, and what to do if you want to represent yourself in court.
Of course, do post again.
Dear Ruffus,
At present your daughter is living with her mother and this makes her the resident parent, and therefore she is able to control all contact that you have with your daughter purely because your daughter lives with her.
No parent has any right to contact with their children; it is children who have a right to contact with their parents, and until a child is able to make these decisions for themselves it falls to the resident parent to make these decisions.
If you are not happy with the contact that you are getting, then firstly you should suggest mediation. Although you stated that mediation is unlikely to be successful it is still advisable that you request this from the mother so that you are able to show the court you have attempted an amicable resolution before applying to them.
Assuming that mediation is unsuccessful or that's the mother refuses to attend then you are able to apply to court.
You are able to apply to court using a solicitor or by representing yourself. If you choose to represent yourself then you should download forms C100, CB1 and CB3 from www.HMCS.gov.uk and file these at the court closest to where the child lives. There is a fee of £175.
The court would set a date for you and mother to attend and would hear arguments from both of you, and full facts of the case. It is likely that they would appoint a CAFCASS officer to speak to yourself, your ex-partner and your child outside of the court environment. This officer will then make a report to the court which gives recommendations as to what they believe to be best for the child in question.
In most circumstances the court will grant an order for contact and this order will state what days and times you are to see your child. The court order is legally binding and if the mother refuses to comply with what is stated then you have the option of making an application back to court for enforcement of contact order.
The court are unlikely to be interested in the maintenance issue, as contact and maintenance are completely separate factors in law, and so whether or not you are paying maintenance that the mother is happy with, this should have no effect on whether or not you see your child.
We hope that this information has been useful to you, should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 802 0008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind regards
Children's Legal Centre
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