my ex has access to our child fortnightly. he stays over 1 night at the weekend and this has bben established for 18 months. prior to this it was 2 nights fortnightly but was reduced due to the childs wishes. my ex is now demanding the original arrangement be reinstated. The problem now thougjh is that the child has got older and has leisure interests and hobbies. And in fact has become very established in his tennis, and is coached by a renowed trainer, selected for his regions, won numerous tournaments and is set to make a national final. The problem is this, the ex actually said to the child, 'I dont give a **** about your hobby', and will not be flexible for training, or competition. And is now set to implement legal proceedings to prevent any participation in his hobby during the ex's contact time. This is obviuosly destroying the child and I wonder if this matter does go to the courts will the childs hobby/sport be taken into account.?
Hi there
I'm sorry to hear that the child is being badly affected by this, there's a great need for separated parents to be flexible and work together in the childs best interests.
As a child get older and develops interests and activities they should be able to pursue these with the blessing,of both parents, especially when an activity has reached the level that your childs has, with competitions and tournaments etc.
I don't believe any court would agree to prevent a child from participation in something that they enjoy and if the child is very talented then I think that applies even more. the only time that a court may agree would be if the applicant father (or mother!) can prove that it is being done to prevent contact, and from what you say this isn't the case here.
Have you offered alternative contact or asked them to get involved by attending tournaments and competitions? Is there already a court order in place for one night every fortnight?
I don't believe any court would agree to prevent a child from participation in something that they enjoy and if the child is very talented then I think that applies even more. the only time that a court may agree would be if the applicant father can prove that it is being done to prevent contact, and this isn't the case here.
Only thing to add is that the child's age would come into this. I agree that as children age they do develop hobbies and interests, etc, but a child of seven who has supposedly chosen to engage "full-on" in sporting activities is quite a different scenario from a child of 14 or 15 doing so.
Children's "wishes and feelings" are always benchmarked against their age and, in particular, their understanding of the implications of any decisions they may seemingly make. Courts are very aware that below a certain age, children can be almost entirely "manipulated" to say, or even believe, certain things - especially when those things involve activities they enjoy. Granted, a child showing a very high level of skill may mitigate this to some degree.
While the OPs situation does not seem to be about blocking contact, it is fair to say enabling and facilitating a relationship with the other parent is part of parental responsibility originating from the child's right to a (meaningful) relationship with both parents. So, as Mojo says - perhaps it may be prudent to be "proactive" in suggesting alternative contact arrangements. Especially since you clearly do want to protect your child's right to maintain a relationship with the other parent, and you clearly support the child in their activities.
the only time that a court may agree would be if the applicant father can prove that it is being done to prevent contact, and this isn't the case here.
Have you offered alternative contact or asked the father to get involved by attending tournaments and competitions? Is there already a court order in place for one night every fortnight?
Am I right in thinking this is a father with residence? So would be "applicant mother". I could be wrong...
There is no gender mentioned by the OP, I took this to be a post from the resident parent and perhaps shouldn't have inserted "applicant father" (now corrected), but regardless of gender the same advice would apply.
If a child has reached the level of tournament, competition and national finals competency, and their wishes and feelings had been taken into account previously, I felt it fair to assume that the child had reached an age where wishes and feelings would be given some weight.
Generally speaking, once a child reaches the age of 10 - 11 their wishes are taken into account and the older they get the more that applies...but one must remember that there are no set rules and judges decisions vary greatly.
The reason I asked if alternative contact arrangements had been offered, if the other parents participation has been encouraged and whether there is an order in place, is to be able to develop a more detailed discussion with the OP.
If this matter ended up in court it would be necessary to provide the court with proof of the level of the child's involvement and their potential.
Where there is exceptional talent in young children I would hope that it would be encouraged by all that had that child's best interests at heart. Otherwise we would be without such great stars as the Williams sisters and players like Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs who's talents were spotted and encouraged at a very young age!
Thank you for advice. Alternative access arrangements are always offered but are always met with hostility. The child in question is 12 years old, and coaches as well as the sporting professional body are all willing to state that the child is talented, has exceeded expectations and is thriving. Access has never been denied and never would be, access has been available at any given time should any contact be wanted which unfortunately has not been taken up on. Even on non contact weekends I have always been open to my ex having the child and this has been the case for the past 5 years. There is no formal court order in place, as access has always been arranged between ourselves. However the situation has reached a pique and is of detriment to the child and it appears legal proceedingss are imminent. Thank you again for your comments.