Social services have been involved with my ex every year of my sons life due to ongoing domestic violence.
I went to court and judge banned ex (Jan 2014) from letting her boyfriend have any contact whatsoever with our child due to everything he had witnessed. She swore to the judge she had no contact with him, was never going to and didn't even know where he was.
She flouted court order constantly but I had no proof and son was too scared to even tell me. Unknown to me there was five reports of DV during 2014. On the sixth, my son was there and social services moved them all at christmas to get away from the boyfriend.
February, social worker knocks on my door, son is put on a child in need plan due to his mother. Conditions are she protects him from DV and works with me, his school and social services to ensure his wellbeing and safety.
March, social services are concerned that ex falling out with her entire maternal family is detrimental to sons wellbeing. With ex aware and happy, I start contact between son and his maternal grandparents. Goes very well.
May, ex kicks off in child in need meeting out of nowhere that I only let son have contact with her mother out of spite, claims she always told me not to do it. Social worker backs her up and I am told to stop ALL contact until family group conference. I am told if I ignore this, my "motives will be re-examined".
June, child in need plan considered successful, son will be taken off after family group conference (date tbc).
A week later, son reports witnessing ex assault someone infront of him. Extremely distressed asking me to call the police "to stop her doing it to someone else". I call non emergency number, they send someone out to speak to him and send report to social services.
Two days later I am told I have emotionally abused our son by calling the police. Child protection report written showing me in a bad light (I have never, ever been looked at by social services before this), conference called. Everything written about me in the report completely dismissed by chairwoman of the conference. Focus on ex's anger issues and how fragile son is after witnessing so much historical DV, she orders social services to get son into play therapy. Son placed on child protection plan against police recommendations.
Still no contact with maternal grandparents, waiting on FGC.
August, FGC date set for late September. Focus is on getting son contact with maternal grandparents.
Social worker says "there is no therapy available anywhere".
August, ex cancels FGC. Social worker told me previously that it was mandatory that I attended, she isn't bothered about ex cancelling and tells me I can't let son see maternal grandparents as ex "has PR she can decide who son can't see".. I have PR too!
This vague timeline does not include all the things my son has told me about the way his mother treats him. He tells me he is too scared to speak to the social worker as he thinks she's friends with his mother. Social services have only visited our son here with me ONCE, back in May, way before the child protection plan and the ridiculous accusations against me which were neither investigated or recanted.
I approached a solicitor before child protection plan regarding residency but as social services have made accusations about me, this isn't possible at the moment. Solicitor is furious with the actions of social services and I'm not even 100% sure that she believes me! She has requested all meeting minutes, reports, everything so she can look through it herself and try to work out what social services are playing at.
This has been going on for six years. I just want our son to be safe and happy. I want a quiet life too! I honestly feel that sometimes I could have a heart attack from all of this stress and uncertainty.
Hi,
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I'm not surprised you've had enough, I think that would be enough to send anyone over the edge.
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Hopefully your solicitor can help and shed some light on what's going on and help you get things sorted.
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GTTS
...so sorry to hear this, your poor son....it makes me so angry!
Have you tried talking to the Family Rights Group, they have experience of dealing with families who's children are involved with SS. They have a helpline,it might help to talk to someone.
www.frg.org.uk
As GTTS says, lets hope your solicitor can find a way through this.
*Add on blog.
Social services blasted me for phoning the police, saying it had nothing to do with me and it was a small altercation, completely played down what happened and acted like I had acted out of spite. At the time I was blocked across the board from being able to contact his mother so when he comes to me extremely distressed and scared asking me to phone the police - what am I supposed to do? I phoned the non emergency number, explained the situation and stressed that my son had said it and that I didn't know what to do. The police decided to come and speak to him! Then it turned out at the child protection meeting that it was a big deal - there was a police report from the incident itself saying that she had punched a neighbour in the face leaving swelling and bruising! Infront of him! My solicitor says that she completely is set to go to court and absolutely agrees that given everything that had happened that we would have a good case but as social services have now accused me, even though they haven't investigated or even been to see me, we can't until it is cleared up - somehow.
Son also told the police that his mother slaps him repeatedly on the backs of the thighs 3-5 times in a row leaving marks on him. Social services weren't bothered doing anything about it but they put a ban on either of us using "physical chastisement due to the dv he has experienced". Straight after the meeting she told me she's never going to let anyone tell her what to do with her kids. Over the summer holidays our son was screaming on the phone to her telling her he didn't want to go back to her because she was horrible to him and still always slapping him. He was distraught to the point of begging her to let him move schools to be with me and my family and see her every other weekend. She admitted to me on the phone she still slaps him but you can get your backside that if I told the social worker then she would deny it and I would look like a trouble maker.
Social services do not care. SIX YEARS THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR. Social worker visits son at school once a month and visits him at his mothers every ten days. He has no other chance to sit down alone with anyone. It's so shocking to me, he's on a child protection plan, social workers should be asking for a word with him in his room or something to speak to him. Not chat to him in the living room with his mother sat next to him.
I may try the FRG again. The last experience wasn't too good.
That is appalling. Just ask if there's anything else we can find out for you and I would definitely try FRG again. Good luck.
Here's wa past thread about dealing with SS it might be helpful...
http://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/41906-dealing-with-social-services#55386
Thankyou for the link. Unfortunately the more I push the more I appear to be seen as "not trying hard enough to get along with her". I emailed them months ago pointing out (nicely) the differences between what SW said and what she did, asking for clarification on why some things had been swept under the carpet. This email was completely dismissed and I didn't receive a reply.
They have completely moved on from the accusations towards me and focusing 100% on the relationship between me and her, saying that is causing emotional abuse to our son and causing him to say the things he does to me.
RE the smacking, she's still smacking him repeatedly. I told the SW that I'm concerned and she changed the subject. Son is becoming more and more violent towards her and she slaps him in retaliation too. No violence at all seen from him here.
It came up at a SS meeting two weeks ago that son told a TA that he has a "really happy family at my daddy's house, it's a happy family house but my mum's house is an angry house because she's always angry and shouting at me". She explained that away with "well of course I shout, he's naughty" and noone batted an eyelid!!!
They have completely dropped any interest into how he is treated by her and are completely obsessed with me and his mother having to get along and spend time together. We have done (at my suggestion, mother makes no effort) and it is so hard to do when I know how she treats our son when I' not around.
All social services care about is getting him off the child protection plan as quickly as possible. They don't seem interested in a long term, sustainable plan. Just tick boxes, pat themselves on the back and move on.
Did you try the FRG again?
How about going to see your MP, it seems to me that the agencies are failing your son and this has been going on for so long.
FRG suggested going to the managers but I've done that before. It was appalling, they completely railroaded me, made suggestions which I followed to the letter then backtracked completely and said they hadn't said anything of the sort and made me look like a liar. Oh and conveniently I didn't receive the minutes from the meeting I had with them to prove it!
They are rotten right to the top. Meanwhile a little boy is thinking it is completely normal to spend his life with his mother never leaving her house apart from school and me, glued to a tablet, being slapped repeatedly and sworn at when he doesn't do exactly what he's told.. bearing in mind he's also being assessed for ADHD and his mother thinks it's entirely reasonable to never let him out of the house to burn off any energy then wonders why he gets physically and verbally agressive towards her, mimicking her behaviour. On top of everything she has put him through with DV.
Social worker visits son at school fortnightly and at his mothers weekly but she has been here twice since February. SW never gives any info about what has happened on her visits to mother however she has made judgements about me that haven't gone into any reports but she's run off and told his mother.
I firmly agree that he should be on a child protection plan for emotional abuse.. but focusing on his mother not the relationship between me and her. They don't believe a [censored] thing he says and put everything down to "weeelll he says that because of the relationship between you and his mum" yet he's never said anything to his mother about me!
Don't know what to do. Solicitor wants to move forward and go to court but she's still wading through stacks of social services reports and assessments to try and work out what the [censored] they are playing at.
She freely admits to me that he's not happy with her and he wants to be with me but "tough he's not old enough to decide yet and I want him with me because I'll look bad if he goes to you". She throws into conversation all the time that when he's older he'll be with me full time. He throws "tantrums" every week screaming at her that he hates her and tells her to phone me so I can go and get him away from her. I know she loves the power but I really can't see how she is enjoying living with a child who doesn't want to be with her.
... As your solicitor is suggesting court then she does need to familiarise herself with your case. I understand how frustrating and distressing this must be for your son and that's all the more reason why you must stay strong for him.
Have you requested a serious case review? Im no expert but this might be a possibility and it will get everything looked at in fine detail. Think about going to talk to your MP,they can only throw their weight behind it whilst there is no court case, but they might help to light a fire under their backside.