So a little update on my sons access to his 10 week old daughter.
At the last court hearing, the judge decided to give my sons ex and her legal aid solicitor extended time to get the police and hospital records together. There will be nothing on the poilce records but having just recieved her 2nd statement I am now worried about the hospital ones.
When the paperwork came through on Saturday morning (why do solicitors send stuff on a friday knowing that it will arrive on saturday and ruin your weekend because there is nothing you can do until Monday!) there was some paperwork there from the police saying that Maracc (not sure if thats correct) had discussed the case twice, but nothing else. So I popped to our local police station and had a chat with a lovely lady on the desk there, who explained it all to me and apparently, it is a join services team, social services, police etc. She said that as my son had never heard from them that the case was probably closed. She advised me as the nanny to ring Social services and ask them what was happening with the case. Apparently as the grandmother you can do that. So thats what I did on Monday morning. The lady there told me that the case was closed and that she would get someone to ring back. Surprise surprise no-one did ring. My son phoned the domestic violence team as suggested and they told him much the same, so why is his ex's solicitor using this on her second statement. Oh yes because they have accused my son of abuse thoughout their 3 month relationship and have nothing else. Because it didnt happen. I felt a proper wally because I burst into tears in the police station, the first time since all of this [censored] has been thrown at my son.
Good news is that he did see his daughter a few weeks ago at a contact centre, but unfortnately as this month has 5 weeks we has had to wait for 2 weeks to see his daughter, but he is due to see her on 6th and is very excited. However the ex is now trying to say that when he had the baby back she had red puffy eyes and as the baby has a cat allergy could my son bring different clothes to wear next time! Oh PLEASSEEE this is just another excuse between her and her solictor to try and stop my son from bringing his daughter home to finally meet us. I do have two cats but my house is spotless, but if the baby does have an allergy I will make sure we do everything we can to safeguard her. However we have asked for a doctors certificate to prove the allergy.
So my son goes back to court at the end of january and I wish it was sooner because we will all worry about this over christmas. But I understand that there are some dad out there that know they will not see their kids for a long while so I do sympathise. we have been lucky so far and when they go back to court in January my son is taking his solicitor with him, and hopefully she will get the result he wants.
Does anyone have any ideas or thoughts on timelines? My son would like to eventually see his daughter every other weekend, one night in the week and after a discussion with some friends the other day, Every boxing day. The reason he has decided not to go for every other christmas is that a friend has a little girl but her mum has just had another child and the little girl wants to stay at home with her new family. My son said he would not want to break them all up at christmas and is happy to have her boxing day, because he doesnt want her to get bitter later on when she really only wants to stay at home. If he went for christmas he said he would only be doing it to get at his ex and that wasnt right.
He is going to ask for every other weekend after she is 8 months, but will negotiate after 12 months. He would like her one day every weekend up to that point does anyone think that is unreasonable? The other problem we are coming against is that she is breast feeding, can the court tell her to express, or will this have an impact on timing?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
thank you
I'm at a similar sort of stage I am coming to the end of the contact at the contact centre and like you say it's 3 weeks in november of not seeing my girl my next contact is the 6th dec my final hearing is in 3 weeks and I am just trying to put a schedule of contact together as we speak as it says in the order a schedule of contact is to be decided including special occasions.
Like me your son id going to have to take into consideration the age of the child here, as she is so young they wont be willing to go for every other weekend as that must include over night satays and the courts dont like granting over nights until baby is at least 18 months old and they will like to see a progressive schedule of contact built up over say a year.
don't just home in on xmas too as you can put in the schedule birthdays, easter, fathers day, school holidays ect ect
pick ups and drop offs will have to be factored in and the distance he lives from his girl
My daughter will be 14 months at the final hearing so I'm proposing a schedue in 4 month blocks until next xmas, I'm asking for more expecting probs half as what I will get so mines something like this.
Weekly contact as she is young and needs regular short contact for the first 4 months until she is 18 months before I can go for overnights stays this is not final so i'm suggesting,
tues and thurs for an hour for tea at my ex's sisters house then 4 hours on a sat and 4 hours on a sunday for the first 4 months pick ups and drop off to be done at the ex's sisters house.
My reasoning being my girl is used to going to the ex's sisters it will give her chance to see her nieces and nephews and we all can have tea together twice a week and we can try bringing my girl to my house.
then 4 hours sat when I know my daughters sister sees her dad so I was proposing I have my girl 4 hours at mine then same again sunday like I said for the first 4 months.
The next 4 months I will try the same as above but through the week then have her over night on a saturday or sunday for the following 4 months.
the next 4 months go for tea once a week at her sisters over night on a wednesday and overnight on a sat or sun this is as far as I've got but this will show the court I have thought about my daughters needs and shown progressive contact over a year I just need to decide what I will be happy with in the end.
Now most peeps say I wont get anywhere near this and some say I may get something close so I'm trying my best to come up with a decent plan its so [censored] hard!
One thing I would suggest is that rather than set the contact for 8 months, and then you will negotiate after 12 months, is that instead you do plans for 8 months and for 12 months - that way if it's written into an order, his ex can't decide at 12 months that she doesn't want to give increased contact and it's all back to mediation/court again.
Thank you for your suggestions we need all the help we can get, especially from other peoples experieince. We will put a plan together now for the longterm and not just for the next few months, your advice has been great, thank you. I had forgotten about Easter etc. My son has been told to put in for more than he expects then when they say no he might still get what he wanted because he has asked for more.
So we need to sit and work out a plan for the next few years and hopefuly his ex will not start playing games and causing problems. The likelyhood is that she will anyway, but lets see.
Thanks again for your advice and suggestions, it really does help to speak to you dads that have been through/still going through this.
Much appreciated. 🙂
Hi
I agree with actd,
get a long term plan worked out, Easter and Bank holidays are always good to have written into orders so there is no issues when they fall on his weekends.
Also remember birthdays both your sons and the childs and get something written to cover that.
Although a way off it's good to have every thing down and covered so also think about school holidays as well as having an order for taking away on holiday, you may want to include foriegn travel in there too as that can cause issues, then also a passport, who applies, who holds ect.
From what you have said your son is being very sensible and I'm sure that as long as his solicitor gives the reasons for what he is asking for i.e not having Christmas day then I'm confident the judge will see how reasonable he is being. what you are asking for isn't too much so again as you have been told ask for more and then drop to meet what you actually want and again you will seem like you are being flexible in your approach.
Good luck
GTTS
This information has all been really useful. I hadnt thought that far in the future, the passport will be an interesting one, another thing I hadnt thought of, we have a lot to discuss tonight.
thank you 🙂
No Problem,
It's easy to forget things or think " well lets leave that till when they are older" but from experience by putting it off it leaves things open to further disputes.
Even when everything is covered there is still room for dispute so get as much covered now as you can.
GTTS