It is important for fathers to know the truth and not be swayed be rhetoric, or even worse, well meaning quotes. If your relationship with your partner is on the verge of the abyss, and children are involved, the mother holds ALL the cards. The Family Court facilitate this, they say they are impartial, they say the child is the important factor, but that is just talk. The real evil here though are the lawyers. Proof, go to a solicitor looking for residency of your child, whatever the solicitor quotes you *(hourly rate, amount on account etc), say you will pay ten times the amount quoted but only if you win. see what they say. NO CHANCE, because they know fathers never win.
So please, let's not play at this. If you get visitation, and the mother does not permit you to visit, citing the usual BS, verbally abusive, kids were scared etc etc when you go back to court (several months later because of the backlog) the judge will do nothing to the mother apart from a pathetic attempt at a telling off, then he/she will enforce (ha a joke) the previous order, and so the merry go round starts. Next time on Saturday morning you go to see your children, same thing, back to court again only this time so much time has passed since you saw your kids maybe even a year because of the court process, that the judge is loath to enforce the visitation/contact order in case the kids feel nervous. It is right here that the Game is over, only dads don't know it yet, I'm trying to save you the years that follow. Heart attacks, lost jobs, lost money, lost friends, depression, helplessness, upset, anxiety and a feeling of worthlessness. It's up to you.
Hi Paulus,
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I can read from your posts that you have been severely burnt by the proccess, not everyone is though, the courts although they seem bias towards the mother DO actually have one thing in the main focus and that's what is right for the children, they don't always get things right and mothers do make up a lot of lies to muddy the water, but actually on the whole the tide is tuning and fathers are now getting some good or even great results.
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Becuase of what you have been through (and I'll say again that you haven't actually told us any detail of that) you are biased towards how the courts work, you are write in what you say not many solicitors would take a case for residency but that's becuase without a very good reason the courts wouldn't remove a child from a home that has no issues.
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If you want to give some details of your case so we understand where you are coming from then please do.
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The one main thing I agree on from your post is what you say at the end "it's up to you" that is very true each father that comes here asking for advice and support through thier case has already made the decision to work with the system that is in place and accept that it isn't perfect, but being so single minded in your posts you aren't even open to the idea that a father could gain any result through the court process, but you are wrong, we have had 2 fathers post in the last 24 hours telling us how they have managed to gain through the courts, one has even gained FULL RESIDENCY.
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If all you are here for is to spread negativity amongst already stress members, then please leave, if you have something of value to add that isn't telling fathers to walk away from thier children then feel free to stay. However if you continue with the negative attitude that will only damage members moral that decision can and will be made for you.
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GTTS
Hi,
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I would also like to add that the horror stories that can be read on line don't reflect the actual truth about fathers seeing thier children, and that's becuase so many couples that seperate don't need advice, they manage just fine to work out a schedule of contact that suits both parties, those stories don't often get told, becuase there isn't an issue so there is nothing to go online and talk about.
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GTTS
https://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/45970-this-is-it#74985
...care to comment? This is just the latest in many success stories we have on here, but of course that doesn't suit your agenda.
I'm sorry that your experiences have left you bitter and twisted, but it's unfair of you to visit your anger on others that come here looking for support and practical solutions to their difficulties. We have helped many that felt there was no hope and if you took the time to read through past threads you would see that.
Please refrain from further posts of this nature, otherwise we will have no alternative but to curtail your ability to post.
Hi guys, what I have been through is of no relevance here. What I am writing is not unique to me that would be unfair to the system. To say, "hey I had a [censored] time, so you will too" no far from it. I am writing about the facts of how things run. It is a given, that if you and your partner get on, then all of this is by the by, it is those couples that do not get on, and those fathers that need the "unbiased" Family Court system to make sure that they get what they AND their children need and want that is the issue. I am saying that if you go to court looking for residency or contact, it will be the mother that decides if you get it or not, not the Family Court, and she knows it.
I don't think I've slandered anyone, I have not lied, I have not mislead anyone, so why stop me from posting?
Paulus,
You have joined the forum, shared nothing of your story nor asked for support of the other members. Your posts so far have been negative and unhelpful to our other members and I agree, if your intention here is to spread negativity or troll posts from people who are genuinely seeking support and advice at a difficult time then please leave. You might be better served joining a campaigning organisation and channel your anger that way as that is not we do here, we are an advice and support forum.
Thanks
Hi,
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The problem we have with your posts Paulus is that is simply not true, as already said 2 members in the past 24 hours have managed the exact opposite, and they had ex's that tried to stop them, you are being biased for reasons that you won't share, the content of your posts aren't helpful to fathers that are going through the process, if they believe what you say then they would think what's the point.
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We have had too many sucess stories to count through helping and supporting fathers through contact issues, I will admit that not all have been a complete sucess, but I think (and i may be wrong) the we probably hold a favourable majority.
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GTTS
I've just seen your other responses after mine.
That's your opinion, based on your experiences. Our members stories and our joint experiences as parents and professionals tell another story. I will reiterate, we are a support forum, if you don't want to share, or ask for support then please leave. We only stop people posting if you troll and add nothing of value to our community.
Thanks
I don't think I've slandered anyone, I have not lied, I have not mislead anyone, so why stop me from posting?
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When member Slim dissagreed with you you entered into an attack on him personally, you don't know what he's been through as you haven't read his past posts, we know his story and he got where he is now (which a very good place) from support and guidence from us.......oh and the family courts!
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GTTS
Where do you get your "facts" from?
Your personal experience is exactly that, personal to you, it is not a measure of how all cases will go, thank goodness.
My son has custody, as do a fair few here and that's just the ones we hear about. Please stop spreading your despair, it serves no purpose and if you feel that your own experience isn't relevant, what are you doing here anyway.
www.gingerbread.org.uk
9% of single parents are fathers, ergo 91% are mothers. This is a "fact" that I found in moments on google.
I wish not to troll (?), but to inform, and to not put my shoulders round fathers and say, "hey give it a shot mate, you might win". Saying that you know a guy who knows a guy that won, is about as useful as my knowing a guy who knows a guy that works for Iron Maiden, it doesn't mean I get to hang out with the band.
Don't get angry at me for knowing the system and wanting to share the facts with those that don't, BEFORE its emotionally and financially too late.