[Solved] Pretty Much Rock Bottom

As I sit here typing as a young broken dad, I just wonder how it really got to this!

I would like to break the awful stereotype of young parents, I've never done a whole lot in my life correctly, but at the age of 23 fatherhood was what set me on the straight and narrow these past 4 years. I have a beautiful and intelligent daughter that I miss so dearly. When people tell you growing up, "you will understand when you have children" it never truly resonates with you until you do.

I guess i'll summarize the relationship as it was a fairly typical breakdown. I met my ex nearly five years ago and she was 1 year my junior. The relationship didn't last long before she fell pregnant, we weren't careful so no real shock there. After my daughter was born we only stayed together a year before she decided to part for my 'Best' friend. I'll be frank we argued a lot, and we both did our share of causing it.
The thing I can honestly say is i did everything, when I say everything I was doing the night feeding,bathing changing, washing, working the list is endless. But I deeply cared for the mother of my child and I was certain I was punching above my weight. Now i'm not so sure.

After we separated we argued mainly due to the fact I hated the fact that who she was now with got more time with my daughter than I did.
Months pasted and the arguments never stopped, I realise now that if she had a problem anywhere in her life she would start an argument. They never have escalated any further and after I moved on she started finding other ways to hurt me. The only thing she had left to use was my daughter.

To start with, it was stop a day here or change one there. Only when it suited her did she agree to let me have her.I soon pursued legal action and was advised to take mediation. I have no problem with that so we tried it over the course of two years.

Fast forwarding to this year is just pretty much where everything has broken down. She separated from my ex friend and has had a string of boyfriends since. Just before December last year is where she got into a relationship with the latest guy. Since then shes changed, she would of never told me but I knew this pathetic parasite batters her regularly. Yup I know what you're thinking why have you not reported it? I did. It was treated with a visit from an officer at the door and then swiftly ignored.

I know this to be true as her neighbor (which we never spoke to the entire time we were together) told me one day. This is where the plot thickens. Back in April was the last day I saw my daughter. I won't go into details but yet again we argued, I had my daughter in my arms and merely tried walking away from the situation. She took a disliking to this and played her trump card, "fine your not seeing your daughter". My ex pulled at myself and my daughter and quickly began to cause a lot of distress for her. I'm not a violent person and tried shaking her off me. By this point my daughter had become hysterical and was in floods of tears. I decided I didn't want this to escalate further and spoke to my daughter to calm her down. As only a young child could in all her innocence she stated that she had forgotten her teddy. I passed her back to her mother in the hopes that we could reschedule and try another time.

Less than 10 minutes later 3 large male officers turn up at the door. They asked who I was and I complied with the request, because I was just bewildered as to why they were there. I mean I hadn't done anything wrong. Standard police routines were started to be applied and it felt like an all to familiar cop show. I was calm and collected and did whatever was asked, I had never been arrested in my life and to be honest the whole experience is not something I would like again. For absolutely no reason they pushed me to the floor and forcefully put cuffs in me saying they were arresting me for assault. Again i would like to reiterate that I was 100 percent complicit, and had done nothing to warrant a clear abuse of power. I spent 9hours in a cell only to have one interview and then released with no charge. They made a comment about bruises which I could only put down to her current boyfriend. I don't get why someone would lie and say that I could do such a thing. What is wrong with people?

Shortly after being released I sent one message asking when I could see my child. My brain was set to self-defense and it somehow knew how the following days would pan out. It stopped me from doing anything stupid, displaying any emotion towards her and decided that one text would suffice knowing she would claim that I was harassing her.

I got no response back.... I waited a week before decided to contact a solicitor. In the interim, the splendor that is social services wrote to me stating that I needed to get in contact. I work long days in a four day shift pattern, these are 12 hours or more depending on the companies need and my need for the money. So I didn't get a chance to call until my lunch hour. On the first day and got through to nothing but an answer machine. Boy was I in for a treat when I finally got through to them. On the second day of calling I got through to them and was put in touch with the assigned worker. I would describe them as (Insert profanity here) , biased, rude and overall not someone best suited to that environment of social care. As I had previously heard great things about this organisation I took the precaution of recording all two phone conversations. It's funny, the lovely lady had the barefaced cheek to say I swore at her. I find it amusing because when called out on the fact that you have everything recorded they quickly retract and apologise for their 'mistake'.
Well the simple jilt of the conversation was that my ex was stopping contact and that they had carried out an 'assessment' as they do whenever the police are called to an incident with a young person involved. I use assessment loosely as I was told that it wasn't one. All I had to do is point them to the title on the page. Effectively the assessment was carried out without any input from myself or a visit or anything. They just published a load of factious points that was presented by my ex. How they can do that is beyond me.

Several months have passed and My ex moved out the area. No idea where my daughter is and the solicitor obviously cannot tell me. I've tried agreeing to everything from mediation sessions,to drug tests. Pretty much anything my ex has requested I've complied with in the hopes of regaining contact. To this date she has not suggested one viable option for contact. She keeps pleading that i'm violent and aggressive and therefore need supervised contact. I thought facts were suppose to be established because currently every organisation, Police,social services, even my solicitor pretty much lap up this bull and have branded me with a label that i have not earned. What annoys me the most about this, is the fact is discredits women that have endure relationships of bullying and torment. To be perfectly honest my ex is just making a mockery out of this whole system. The system just continues to reward her.

My biggest barrier is the financial side. My ex has a very wealthy family that think money can buy everything. I work extremely hard and have a pretty good wage but these costs are just mounting up. I have my own place that i rent so pay for your standard bills then i'm paying child support, solicitor fees, the court cost and now with the latest suggest of a contact centre. The cost for that are mental, £130 REFFERAL FEE THEN £66.70 AND HOUR. HOW CAN THEY JUSTIFY THAT? Im just at my wits end and after missing her fourth birthday just feel like giving up. I can't bare manage a single day i'm without her. Nothing seems to go in my favour and I get so angry at the fact there is absolutely no justice. I have cataloged everything, every single piece of correspondence, every text you name it i have it.

Lastly I've only just found out that my work are letting me go for being off with depression and I just have no energy left to fight it. I'm truly broken and have never felt anything like this. I whole heartily would not even wish this upon my greatest enemy, I'm so drugged up on antidepressants its unbelievable and nothing will make this pain remotely bearable...