Hi all,
Difficult to know where to begin, so apologies if there is some rambling!
I am after some advice... I am having issues with my daughter's mother, she is being unreasonable about my girlfriend (of whom I have been living with for 2 years).
We were together for 6 years or so, never married and the separation was quite messy (my choice)... We split whilst she was pregnant but I was fortunate enough to still be there the day my daughter was born and have had constant contact ever since... I pay a monthly amount to her mother by standing order which was pre agreed and has never been missed. I have her once a fortnight for the whole weekend, this is never an issue... She has everything she needs at my house and her mothers so the transition is easy. I also registered the birth so am on her birth certificate.
The issue lies with my girlfriend now... We met when my daughter was One, we live together and obviously she is a stepmother figure when I have my daughter, this is the woman I want to marry and I foresee long term issues on my Ex's side.. Thus the problem. My ex has only recently even been able to utter her name... There have been abusive messages... I have been told if she is in the car I have to park on the next street and walk my daughter to the house etc... These two women have never met, their paths have never crossed - My other half bares no bad blood at all however after a couple of years of this her patience is obviously wearing thin!
Recently maybe 6 months or so ago the Ex met a new man, they seem fairly serious... He is regularly there when I drop my daughter off, I have met him, shook his hand and am pleasant whenever we see each other... This adds to the frustration that my Ex's mindset has not changed.
Now I am faced with the prospect of a new job - In this job there will be a fair amount of european travel, on the odd occasion I may arrive home to the UK late on a Friday or leave on a Sunday evening... If this is the case my other half needs to step in and collect my daughter as her mother refuses to do the trip.
So I have asked her if she is ok with this, her answer was a flat no she never wants to see nor have anything to do with my current partner. I have had this out in various ways time and again, explained that it is irrational especially considering i have no bad blood to her boyfriend... All i get is point blank refusal 'take it to a solicitor'...
I foresee similar issues when maybe I want to get married, I want my daughter to be a bridesmaid... I don't want the whole day to have a cloud over it because my ex is digging her heels in... Family holidays too etc... This year she wouldn't let my daughter come to Centreparcs with us because she didn't want her to meet the rest of my girlfriends family.... Undoubtedly issues will continue to come fourth if this isn't sorted.
So my question is this... How do I fix this? She has even threatened previously to relocate to Italy (her family are there) although I am sure this wouldn't happen with a new man on the scene... But I need her to play ball with my girlfriend, i need her to let me take my daughter on holiday just like she takes her away with her boyfriend. I need her to understand that I have to work to pay her maintenance etc so my partner of 2 years may once in a blue moon have to collect my daughter so we can still have her time together etc.
Is this something that would have to involve the court, what sort of costs are involved and what is the best process? I haven't had to deal with this until now obviously but I am at my wits end and need to get some solid ground rules in place so that we have somewhere close to equal rights regarding the above things.
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Best
S
Hi there, these double standards are all too common unfortunately!
If she refuses to budge on these matters your only choices are mediation or an application to court.
Mediation is now mandatory before making an application to court, if your ex refuses to attend or won't agree once there, the mediators will stamp a court application form for you. Court is a last resort and should always be avoided but sometimes it's the only way.
You would have to apply using a C100 form, you would be applying for;
Child Arrangements Order - this would cover when your daughter stays with you, handovers, holidays, permission to take your daughter abroad.
Specific Issue Order (if there was a specific issue such as your wedding - you can't apply for something that might happen such as a wedding - it would have to be booked and had a refusal)
Prohibited Steps Order (if the threat of relocating to Italy was real)
This form would cost 215.00 and you could self rep as many dads on here do. As you already have contact, the remaining issues would be relatively straightforward.
Mediation usually costs between 80-150 per session unless either of you qualify for Legal Aid (the only area where it is still available).