I have no idea if this is the right place to start so please point me elsewhere if need be.
I'm married, for about 9 years and have a lovely 6 year old child. I'm a great father or so I am told.
A "mistake" has happened and she has got pregnant again. I was happy with the "norm" and didnt want another one but she has for a long time. Its taken years to get to this point of "normality" and lets face it at times its as tough as [censored] trying to juggle everything etc.
I am petrified, apprehensive, anxious and have overwhelming feelings of "oh my god" how will we cope. I do not want to revisit "that place" where it was a nightmare for I think about 2 years for several reasons including struggling to cope mentally and physically, sleep etc etc. I feel trapped that this is the end in a way as the marriage is by no means perfect either, not that there is a perfect marriage.
Can anyone help, support or offer words of advice?
thanks
You need to communicate with your wife to let her know how you feel, and it is worth considering something like Relate to see if there's a way to save your marriage.
I think it's perfectly normal for any expectant parent to have these feelings of dread or fear. I would agree with actd though and consider trying something like Relate to talk to your wife about all of the things you have mentioned. A new child can put a strain on any relationship and if you're already feeling like it's difficult, a new baby might exacerbate this.
Has anybody else in here had these feelings at the thought of a second child etc?
I can assure you lots of parents have felt that way. I think the second time around, you know what you are letting yourself in for, both good and bad.
If you don't want to speak to your wife about how you are feeling, you could see a Relate counsellor on your own or seeking counselling through the GP.
thanks for taking the time to reply.
I may well have to do that. Is counselling or therapy generally availble through a GP via the NHS?
thanks
We had a 2nd child in 2011 by mistake. thought it would save a rocky marriage 2,5 years later my wife walks out of the family home with my so called good friend and i find myself on this site!! trying to muster up the challenge to fight her for the finances, having just about gotten use to being a weekend dad.... I wish you all the luck in the world and hope it works out. The thing is my Daughter is the most loving, caring, totally gorgeous 5 year old you could ever imagine and i love her with all my heart.... Would not change the thought of her not being around for a 2nd.. Its just really tough on me that she will never live nor remember shearing her day to day life with a mother and farther in unison.
I think councelling may be available through the NHS, but I'm not sure - I'd go to see your GP and sk about this.
Thanks for replying.
I am sorry to hear that and hope things work out for you.
That is exactly the concern down the line that it puts an end to a marriage with all the "stuff" that would go with that which quite frankly I am not sure I could cope with. But clearly the issues we have in my head will only get worse due to another addition. I have utter feelings of being overwhelmed, anxiety and distress.
Perhaps counselling will help, I would urge you to go and have a chat with your GP and see what he can offer to help.
With the first child things can be so hard because every new experience in child rearing is the first, the second time at least you have experience to fall back on and knowledge is a powerful tool. With a second child he atmosphere should be calmer and attitudes to parenting more relaxed.
Best of luck
Here's a link to support helplines, might be useful
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx#parenting
I know CALM have a freephone helpline if you need to talk to someone.