Lost All Hope - Is There Any Point?
As the story goes back in 2015 I met my first girlfriend, she turned out to be a narcissist. Was with her for two years, very controlling, constricted relationship. I wasn't aware at the time as I thought it was normal, as it was my first relationship. She fell pregnant with my child a two years in, and developed PND. She kept on breaking up with me and getting back with me, being abusive emotionally, and verbally. After the birth of our child initially she let me see him. Then it all stopped suddenly. She got a Non-Molestation order put on me so I couldn't see my son; it all went to court and after a very lengthy process I finally got a contact arrangements order where I now see him on the weekends.. Still, it was a lot of emotional trauma for me to process.
Two years down the line, I met a new girl. I took things slowly but she seemed a lot nicer! Very anxious, had a bit of depression and told me she was in an abusive relationship before me. So; we took things slow. Down the line she told me how horrible it must have been for me to go through everything I went through.. She seemed understanding, beautiful etc. I thought I had found my soulmate. She fell pregnant in 2020 of March. Her mother, however, is very controlling towards her. I wasn't a battle I could have won.. Her mother wanted control of our child. She didn't want me in the birthing room, she told me I needed to pay CMS even though I was with my girlfriend at the time.
Roll on to the birth! My girlfriend gave birth to our little girl Grace. I was the one in the birthing room, as my girlfriend wanted me there. Her mother flipped out at me as I went outside. She threw my girlfriends stuff at me, and was verbally abusive towards me. I later found out my girlfriend was on a dating website. I found out she hid stuff away from me such as another phone with contacts to other guys on it. She later broke up with me and only offered me 2 hours contact with my daughter. Later this broke down; as she pre-planned our daughters birthday which is 21st Dec. So' at the moment I'm currently going through a rough patch.
I feel like I have ultimately just given up my life. I how have to fork out over £300 a month on CMS for both of my children, so I have reduced finances to get a house. In addition, I have two kids with two different exs. I feel like I can't progress later on in life with a girlfriend. I'm 26. I know I should look forward to life in the future but I don't see a future for myself. All my life I wanted the family package and now all I have is two exs.. I feel like any woman that looks at me will turn their nose up at me for having two kids with two different women. I know I still have my kids, and I love them both to bits.