[Solved] Mother told me to leave for no reason
Hi all, I really don't know what to write Im broken hearted, completely broken.
My girlfriend had a baby girl 3 and a half weeks ago. I have been caring for them both, making all bottles, watching over my daughter so my girlfriend could rest. She even said she doesn't know how she would of coped without me as she had been a little nervous to start. I was aware that she had to deal with things and stood back to let her learn to get on.. My daughter is a wonderful little baby, sleeps well and is happy.
Tuesday night we put her to bed after her bath and my girlfriend tells me she's going out (nearly 11pm) so I asked where? as she hadn't said anything before hand. She was going to her friends, ok I had no problem.....
The next day she wakes up takes our baby to her friends comes back and tells me I had no right to ask her where she was going and I was to move out! she packed my stuff into the car and took it to my grandparents house.
Now Im not allowed to see my baby without her permission. Iv held her once for one hour whilst her family/friends where all walking in and through the room so no privacy. I was allowed a 3 minute FaceTime today and now I can't FaceTime her again till Monday.
As we are in lockdown our baby is not registered. I am so scared she will go without telling me and leave me off the birth certificate.
Please any advise will be very gratefully received.....I miss my little girl so much already, she is my life.
thats very tough. i hope your doing ok. i been in similar situation. they just change overnight. i did not hang around before making a court application. if you know your relationship is dead and buried, you should think about taking the legal route.
when i went to court, they ordered her to give me a private room and sit there with baby. this lockdown situation make things more difficult. if you go to court, ask that she must add your name to childs birth certificate. you would need a c100 form for a child arrangements court order. with that, you will be able to gradually build up contact with your child. from spending 30 minutes with her, to keeping her overnight with you on alternating weekends when shes older etc. let us know if you need more info.
I would personally baring in mind baby is so young and wouldn't know anything different is actually spend time on yourself for a week and not contact ex.
Go and be you and take time out, if ex does contact you then you can deal with matters at time. if she don't you have a week to reflect on things. for example no contact from ex for week you can immediately consider a court application for child arrangement contacts after attempting mediation. if she does contact you then see your child as normal but maybe back off a bit and try if possible see if ex can give u set times and dates if u aren't getting bk together.
That's a tough one, @Luke10!
How long have you guys been together? And have you ever spoken about a longer-term relationship?
HOW she felt you asked her where she was going might also be important here. If she is used to having her own freedom of movement, no questions asked, and her expectation was not one of long-term commitment, you can see how she might take offence at the question.
My suggestion would be that you take time to show her how much she means to you, and your commitment to a long-term relationship. I suspect she will also want to feel that "she" is important to you, and that you are not around just for the baby!
All the best with it... _/\_
Thank you for reply. We had not been together very long before she fell pregnant and I found that she is a very self-righteous person and very childish in her ways. BUT she was pregnant with me baby and I love them both, I put up with a lot of sh-t to stay with them.
But it worked out that she was actually in contact with her ex moved him straight in. I just want to see my baby girl I have no interest in a someone that can do that.
Thank you, I have my moments when I fall apart but thank you for your advise. The relationship is definitely over as she moved in her new boyfriend when our baby was only 4 weeks old! how vile is that. All Im interested in is being able to see my little girl and making sure she has everything she needs from me.
How do I start with the courts?
Thank you for your reply.
She allowed me 3 x 1 hr a week, then she cut it down to 2 x 1 hr when her new boyfriend moved in (baby 4 weeks old! Classy) now im not allowed to see her.
to start with court, you need to speak to a mediator. book a MIAM. MediateUK is a good one. They would need to give you permission to apply to court. should cost £100 or less
then you fill in a c100 form. should be able to do it online:
c100 form costs £215 to submit. you can represent yourself in court, and we can advise you. no need to spend tonne of money on lawyer.
The court process is the right way to go but it isn't quick.
As you still on speaking terms with ex?if so maybe discuss it?
Or do you have any mutual friends who could mediate or do you have a friend who she might be willing to discuss things with?
Sometimes when emotions are running high things can be said and decisions made. Plus she has recently had a baby which can cause all sorts of changes for the mother.
Take a bit of time out to focus on yourself and plan and then take small steps to move things forward.
Thank you Bill I think this is the only way forward as she really only cares about herself. I did put her moods down to pregnancy but to be honest I was lying to myself as she was like it before. She moved her new boyfriend in 4 weeks after giving birth.
I have had a call from her brother that was angry at the stat of the conversation as she had told her family I had been threatening her but this is impossible as I am blocked off all her social media and phone, after speaking with him, the brother was disgusted with his sister and how she had acted towards me. Now I am able to arrange a 1 hour visit a week with my daughter and her grandmother.
I am a very hands on dad and this is killing me its just not enough for my daughter and I, so I will be looking into a mediator asap
was it her brother who arranged that or grandmother? Try to make allies and not cause friction... if you can see you daughter even if for an hour regularly then when you go to court they will want to build on existing contact..
If you have zero contact then its easier for the court to be cautious, be delays, look into why no contact and build up contact very slowly..
its good that her brother is sensible. i was in a similar situation over a year ago. nobody in their family cared about me wanting to see newborn child. so i applied to court asap. but through court i was only able to see child for 1 hour every other week, until she turned 1, then contact increasing gradually by few hours. now seeing her for 5 hours at a time. will go to 7 hours. then overnight stays to start when she is 2 and a half.