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[Solved] My Wife's Mental Illness Issues are exhausting me

New Member Registered

Hey you all,

New to this forum. From America, joined because I found no American resources like this.

A little back story:

In August my wife physically assaulted me for an extended period of time after passing out drunk twice with our 9 month old and about to be 3 year old in her care while I was at work. The second time I had to call the police because she wouldn't stop assaulting me while I was feeding our infant son. She has been court ordered to get anger management and alcohol treatment. She is attending both. She and the children are currently living with my in-laws.

I moved back closer to the big city nearby and got a job that is paying me a bit more money and am trying to sell our house. I often contemplate divorce but I was a bit releaved she was put on medication to help her issues and seems to be taking it. And I just don't have the money to drop 6-10k to file and fight for contested custody and was hoping to aviod burning a bridge with my in-laws.

Well she seemed to be coming around the last couple weeks. Signing off to me sellign the house. Opening up a bit in couples therapy. Saying in couples therapy she doesn't mind me making most of the decisions and openly admitting we have communication and intimacy (not sexual) problems. Having sex with me regularly.

Well today we didn't have couples therapy even though we were supposed because our therapist was sick. last night we tried to call each other and missed calls. she sent me likw one message all day refusing my invite to dinner.

Everyone on here will probably call me an idiot and a bitch or something. But I really am just so exhausted. Like I want her to get well and this to work for the sake of the kids. But like I am just so tired of having to deal with her mental bullshit then on top of it cope with my parents and in-laws reactions to everything. Then get shade every once in a while because I havent' just taken the kids already. I got to spend last friday alone with her while the kids were in daycare and that was really relaxing between jobs. but like I just can't seem to handle the two little kids and her at once. Her parents and her at once. My parents and her at once. I feel like no one except my best friend, his dad, and my second best friend really give a shit about my mental health here.

Anyways here's me venting. I'm just trying so hard to hold it together.

Topic starter Posted : 21/11/2019 6:17 am
Famed Member

hi there

thats sounds very tough. is your wife taking the medication on a regular basis as prescribed? maybe if you feel it is not working, you can visit the doctor to see what other possible options are available.

Posted : 22/11/2019 12:00 am
Illustrious Member


There's little we can help with on the legal front, as we have a different system here, and no knowledge of the American legal system. But as above from Bill, we can certainly provide a haven for you to vent, and hopefully give you ideas as to what you can be looking at for help.

Posted : 22/11/2019 5:01 pm
New Member Registered

Hi there, that sounds like an intolerable situation and I can only imagine what it must be like, day in and day out.
First of all I must mention that I am not medically trained in any way, but one thing that sprung to my mind while reading you post was; is it possible she's harbouring distress from events in her past. It's not uncommon for people to mentally run away from facing traumatic events which then fester in the mind, manifesting themselves in really unpleasant behaviour in the future.
Your post suggests that she "likes a drink" (apologies if I've misinterpreted that) and this is sometimes used as a subconscious coping mechanism to blank out the pain. Also, if there is an underlying problem, then pills will simply mask the problem rather than offer a solution.
I only say all this as I have had a similar experience. A close friend's behaviour became increasingly erratic for no apparent reason. It turned out she'd had some really awful experiences as a child and young adult which she'd never spoken to anyone about, not even her closest friends or family. Eventually she got some professional help and the results were breath-taking. Nothing could erase the past but by being shown how to face those events and mentally deal with them, it has transformed her.
I really hope you can find a solution that keeps you all safe, happy and together as a family.

Posted : 04/03/2020 2:45 pm
Trusted Member Registered

Hello, thank you for being very open about your situation. Here in the UK we have excellent mental health charities which are there for both the person in the mental health crisis and their partners etc. Does the US have the same? if so it may be with getting in touch for you to have some counselling so you can offload face to face with someone. Please keep communicating with someone you trust, who is maybe not so close to your situation. My husband has depression and at times when he is in crisis, it can be exhausting for those around them. Take care and I hope something can be worked out for all concerned.
Kind Regards, Fegans Parent Support Volunteer, UK

Posted : 12/05/2020 3:45 pm
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