Hi everyone,
I'm really lost on what to do. I'm a very new dad (1 week) and things are already awful with my ex partner.
I was lucky enough to be there for birth (outside the room) and spent the day and following day with my son. Everything seemed like itnwas going to be civil. But now just mere days into his life my ex is stipulating that if I want to see him it has to be at her mother's partners house ( who has threatened me in the past) saying it is in case we argue. I have expressed I am not comfortable with this just to be told "it doesn't matter if your comfortable with it, if you want to see your son you'll do anything"
I'm at a loss what to do.
Hi there
Has your ex agreed to putting you on the birth certificate? Perhaps you could suggest that you meet in a public place, say for coffe or in a childs play centre.....the weathers not suitable for visits to parks etc .
I think you might find attending Mediation would be helpful to try and get some agreement in place. I can understand why you would be uncomfortable with the arrangement she wants to impose and mediation might help you to get your point across and find other solutions.
Here's a link to the mediation service, if you are on benefits or a low income you may be entitled to funding for the costs of mediation, but you should discuss this with the mediator.
www.nfm.org.uk
Best of luck
Thank-you for your reply. I do not know whether she will agree to put my name on his birth certificate as she will not communicate with me, only impose what she thinks I should be doing. we have spoken on the phone and I have tired to discuss things with her but there is only one side to the conversation with usually end up with her telling me I obviously don't care about my little boy. Her monther is always in the background telling her what to say, and I have discovered today that the reason I can't see my son at her place is her mother will not allow it, and she refuses to come to my house(probably her mother's choice too). There is no reason for them behaving this way. I will look at meditation but this is something I know she will not enter into as she is very stubborn.
So after advice from f and f and because it was the only way to see my son, I gave in to her demands (with I still don't believe are coming from her) and went to her mother's partners with my best friend. As I expected we arrived to a house full of people, the ex, the ex's mother, the mothers threatening partner, and 2 others with no real reason to be there. Of course fake pleasantry was aboundant and I got to spend an hour or so with my son. But during my whole visit "jokey" comments were directed at me throughout, things such as "oh look he's crying now you are here" when intact he needed changing, which I did, and the threatening partner saying every few minuets "you watch them 2, make sure they are holding him right, and make sure they aren't hurting him" to name but after. I had to leave before I wanted because I couldn't take anymore sly digs. I'm already struggling thinking I'm not cut out to be a farther and this is pushing me away further. I'm scared of even texting to ask when I can see my son again and how he is and the longer I leave it the worse I feel.
I'm so sorry to read this, what an awful experience to endure.
I really do think Mojo's advice would be your best bet and try mediation where you will be able to speak with your ex face to face and without these people around. If you are unable to agree, you can at least make an application to court.
Good luck