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[Solved] STEP-DADS

 
Mojo
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi all

We have a number of articles providing advice and support for Stepdads, which can be found in the family section on the main site, or you can follow the link here

www.dad.info/step-dads

I thought it might be a good idea to start a conversation here on the forum and would like to hear about your experiences and any tips or advice that you'd like to share! 🙂

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Topic starter Posted : 16/01/2017 1:23 am
justdad
(@justdad)
Estimable Member Registered

I'm a stepfather to a disabled child who is now 8.

The last time I saw her she was 6.

I won contact with her half siblings, twins now aged almost two. Substantial contact - Tuesday to Friday each week so almost 50%

The court would not grant contact with my stepdaughter (other than indirect - letters and cards). It was stated that her welfare is suffering from being deprived of a relationship with me but that ordering contact would be distressing for her mother and this in turn would impact upon her.

It was clearly stated in court by the judge that he has no doubt her wishes and feelings have been influenced and "planted" by the mother.

It was also stated that if she had been my own child, there is no question that contact would have been granted.

Just a snapshot of current "court practice" for you.

I was her stepfather for just under four and a half years.

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Posted : 17/01/2017 1:03 am
Mojo
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

I'm sorry to hear that justdad...for what it's worth I think the court made the wrong decision for your step daughter by prioritising the mothers distress over her own. Perhaps you could have another shot at going for direct contact now that the twins are older? How has indirect contact even going?

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Topic starter Posted : 18/01/2017 2:08 am
justdad
(@justdad)
Estimable Member Registered

Thanks for your reply Mojo.

The final order was only November.

With indirect contact, she submitted a C2 and C1(a)? Back in May where she said the letters were upsetting her daughter so she has stopped passing them on.

The final order does of course say that letters etc should be passed on but I very much doubt they are. I had a very close relationship with my stepdaughter and I know it is next to unthinkable that she wouldn't reply to a letter from somebody she knows - let alone loves.

To be perfectly honest I am completely perplexed at the thought of the twins going home and my step daughter AND her mother trying to taint their view or diminish their love for me. Also of course, I am worried for them and my stepdaughter.

Horrid situation - the ex simply does not communicate, we have a contact book and she ignores anyting I say there and just writes what she wants to say.

Still angry I think. After almost two years though and the fresh experience of a day long contested final where she effectively lost the twins for half of their lives, I think that anger is going to linger.

The order expires in 2019 - just before the twins start school, I suspect she thinks she can wait it out and then we are back to square one.

My thoughts are that I return to Court in a year or so to have the Order extended and perhaps ask for full custody as this lack of communication is a source of harm to all three children and the mother is purposely doing what she is doing.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19/01/2017 2:10 am
Mojo
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

It's very strange for an order for contact to specify a stop date that's before the children reach 16... please check that what you're saying is correct, as I've never come across this before.

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Topic starter Posted : 26/02/2017 5:05 pm
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