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Hi all 

I joined this site in Sept. 2016 after my divorce as I had nowhere to turn and I used it daily to chat and ask for advice which I found invaluable.
I feel the need to open up again and would like feedback if possible. 

After I spent 18 years as a frontline emergency worker, working shifts and staggered start times, I decided to apply for a new job for a better work/life balance for me and my 10 year old daughter whom I see 2/3 times a week. There was no routine because of my shifts as she never knew what days I would be having her and this did not help with her anxiety that she developed at the beginning of 2020.

I also wanted to protect my mental and physical health due to the stressful nature of my job, so I was successful in getting a position that would use some of my skills in a teaching capacity.
I started this new job 1 WEEK AGO and although it is 9-5 with weekends and bank holidays off, a better routine for my daughter (although I see her slightly less now due to every other weekend) I have been crippled with overwhelming anxiety since I started the job on the first day. 

The transition from the high stress in my previous role to an office and training room which is relaxed and quite boring is really hard for me to adjust to and I just cannot switch off the dread. I’ve got the usual symptoms: sleeplessness, lack of appetite, anxiety and overthinking! I can sit there and rationalise things which will help to calm me down, but it’s not long until I feel the butterflies again.

I an quite an introvert, live alone and not in a relationship and have no friends (only the ones I used to work with but not socially), but now that I am in a new environment, I don’t know anyone yet and I don’t know what I’m doing -going from 18 years experience and a good reputation, to no experience is overwhelming. It is only a 12 month fixed term, so I had to leave my old job in order to start this new job, as they would not release me as a secondment.
I am tempted to quit and ask if I can return to a my old job as I do hold a bank contract, but this would upset the routine that my daughter would now be getting and I know it would infuriate her Mum, my ex.

Can anyone else relate to this as hearing others experiences really does help  


I have been divorced 5 years and after qturbulent time dealing gnthw the depression and adoring that came with it, I self told down on my own and live da relatively normal life  I had the usual job stress of being and emergency service worker, but I enjoyed my job and saw my 10 year old daughter regularly. 
My daughter developed anxiety at the beginning of last year and when she was at her worst, I developed anxiety with her which resulted in me taking a couple of months off work.  I hid my anxious feeling from her, but it was down to worrying about her.

She has settled down a lot and only gets anxiety occasionally, but it’s always there in some respect. I started a new job 


Topic starter Posted : 05/09/2021 9:57 am
Honorable Member Registered


Sorry to hear you are going through this.

One of the main bits of advice I was given when I separated including on this forum was that it is important to look after our mental and physical well being.

I'm not an expert but by the sounds of it, you've had this very busy job which has kept you busy and thus kept your mind off things but maybe hasn't allowed you to work on your mental health so that you build resilience and can cope with various situations including change of job, your daughters anxiety, social situations etc.

It is important when we separate that we build a new life that our kids can become a part of rather than our kids being our lives.

The move from a very pressurised role to a much calmer one can initially be difficult but it does calm down, however, you may need to fit other things into your life in order to challenge you and help you develop further relationships etc..

In relation to your mental health it may be worthwhile speaking to your GP who should be able to help.

Regarding building your life in general, are there any local hobby groups you could join? Could you consider doing some volunteering even if its just at the local food bank, not only would you be giving something back but you would be potentially developing social networks too. With my own separation, I lost many friendships, I ended up volunteering for many orgs and in the end I secured a job with one of them.

I would also say a good work life balance is important and it sounds like you may have that with daughter and work and therefore it may be a case of working on other things as above so that you can maintain this.

Keep reaching out on this forum, many are here to help..


All the best. 

Posted : 05/09/2021 10:30 pm
actd liked
Trusted Member Registered


Many thanks for your reply and the advice you gave was very positive. 
I will be looking at joining some groups to develop social networks once I have settled down in my new job and stop putting too much pressure on myself. 

Topic starter Posted : 05/09/2021 10:37 pm
New Member Registered

Hello, how can I combat destructive anxiety? I am currently going through a process of loss in which I constantly feel sad and affected because I do not know how to continue my life and I am consuming too much beer. I do not know if this is going to get worse.

Posted : 09/09/2021 8:07 pm
Trusted Member Registered

@optimustricker ok, first thing I will tell you is that it WILL get worse if you let it. I don’t know what loss you have experienced and I am sorry you’re experiencing this, but you need to mentally tell yourself to stop …then breathe! The key is when you’re thinking of your breathing, you need to experience the world around you, the sounds, the smells and the feeling. By being present, you stop your mind from hijacking you. You mentioned that you’re drinking a lot of beer, which I understand why as it’s something to turn to, to try and stop the emotional pain -but this is destructive and will exacerbate things. 
Tonight, just slow down your mind, let the thoughts come and importantly, let them go. Don’t give up, it takes practice. 

Topic starter Posted : 09/09/2021 8:16 pm

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