Hi there,
This is my first message here. I am going through the same process. Had a verbal argument with wife in january. Next morning she took our 20 months daughter away and did not come home. I was living with her mum and dad as I was saving money to buy a house in June. Her dad kicked me out from the house and said that " I know my daughter is hard work but I have to choose her over you so she can come home" My wife stated that she was scared of me. After that I have begged and begged her to sort this out as we only had 10 minutes of verbal argument, but she did not listen. After 3 days she agreed to see me but let me down 4 times and did not come. I went to her mum and dad house to speak to her father and he said they will invite me in 2 days to come and sort this out. Next day I received a call from court stating that my took Non-mol against me and my hearing is in 7 days time. On that hearing judge basically said that if I contest this order the relationship between me and wife will get bitter, but if you accept it on the basis of not guilty you will be fine. I was self representing my self. I agreed to that as even at that point I just wanted to get back with my wife and daughter. Since then my ex wife rang me twice but I did not talk as I am not allowed i think she was setting me up?
Now I have court case going on for CAO. First hearimg my wife solicitor said that they needed Police conclusion as she alleged DV and Child abuse and my mental health letter from GP. I had police interview and they cleared me with NFA. Plus I did get GP letter stating that I am perfectly fine and there is no issue in regarda to mental health. FHDR got adjourned because of no Cafcass available in court. That was in February. In march same thing happened as Cafcass left 45 mins before my hearing. Judge has now order the section 7 reprort. Can I please ask about your opinion guys in regards to my case. Never touch alcohal or drugs. Don't even smoke cigs. No criminal record. Couple of times I have complaind to police about neighbours been agressive and once I complaind about 3 guys who were trying to steal something from our car. My wife took a pic of her wrist and there is a very minor bruise on it. Plus when we had argument as we were living in her parents I very quitely said to daughter that "susshhh grandparents are sleeping otherwise you will get slapped bottom" as she was making so much noise. Just to let you know that I have never hit my lovely daughter. Now my wife is saying that I slapped my daughter and cause the bruise on my wife's wrist. I did not do any of that guys. Still waiting for cafcass to get intouch with sec7. This is my full story guys up to now, any help will be greatly appreciated as I am struggling to live my life without my beautiful daughter. Plus my wife is going to use the messages which I have sent her and saying sorry to her 100 times. She will use it to say that I have done the things she is alleging, but I was only saying sorry because I was worried about my daughter and really wanted to sort it out. Help please.
Thanks
Hi there
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a difficult time, dealing with false allegations can be a rough ride, but it’s more common than you would think. We have many members that have had the same thing happen and felt the same way you do right now, but with patience and hard work they get through it and manage to see their children again.
The best advice is to do all that is asked of you, keep everything child focused now and try not to worry about what she will be saying, just make your case as well as you can.
It might help you to attend a Families Need Fathers meeting, they hold meetings across the country, so hopefully there will be a meeting near you. Here’s a link to their website where you’ll find details of meetings and information about when and where they meet.
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings
You’ll get direct advice and support and meet people who are going through a similar situation.
For now, try and keep yourself busy, make sure you look after the basics, regular meals and enough sleep... you’ll need all your strength over the next few months, your child needs you in her life, she is what is important now.
We will do all we can to advise and support you too. Stay strong.
All the best
Dear Mojo,
Thank you so much for your replay. Do you what will happen after section 7 report? My next hearing is a (DRA). Would cafcass recommend some sort of a contact in section 7 report? Plus do you think in this case they will do finding of fact hearing?
Thanks
The DRA is short for Dispute Resolution Appointment/ or hearing.
This Is a follow up hearing in a children, usually after the court receives a further piece of information, such as a report from CAFCASS. The court will identify and hopefully narrow the issues, and will try and encourage the parties to resolve the matter. If it cannot be resolved the judge will usually fix the case for a final hearing, or in some cases listing a finding of fact hearing.
When allegations are made, the court sometimes needs to decide who is telling the truth before working out what to do next – this often happens where someone alleges domestic violence or child abuse which is denied by the other person. In such cases the court may hold a separate hearing to deal with those allegations first, before going on to think about what is best for the children. This hearing is called a fact finding hearing. The judge will decide on the balance of probabilities whether something did or did not happen.
Once that has been determined, the court will weigh up if there is any risk to the child or not, sometimes they will order contact to take place supervised in a contact centre. When contact is supervised in this way, a report is prepared by the support worker at the contact centre, to tell the court about how the contact sessions went and if the child was happy.
It’s impossible to predict what will happen at each stage, a lot will depend on the S7 report and what recommendations are made at that point. It’s best not to think too far ahead, just deal with things as they happen and focus on that.
Has the court ordered you to file a statement? If not you could prepare a brief position statement for the next hearing to tell the court about your concerns and what you would like to happen.
Dear Mojo
Thank you so much for your replay. As you can tell I am really down at the minute and thinking so many at once. All I want is to see my daughter. I was in her everyday life and all of a sudden she has been taken away from me. Someone told me that in majority casses judge order finding of facts hearing before the section 7 report. I am very worried about finding of fact hearing not because I've done something, only because I have seen so many innocent people(fathers) have been found guilty on the balance of probability, which I think is wrong. My ex wife exactly what she is doing as her 2 best friends are family solicitors. I am sorry bit as a mother she should realise that our daughter needs both parents in her life. Don't really know when this going to stop.
Kind Regards
Agree... where the court fixes a fact finding it’s must at the same time fix a DRA to follow. The court wouldn’t usually fix a section 7 report until after that hearing.
Sorry for confusing you... concentrate on the section 7 and presenting the best case you can, keep everything child focused and be calm and reasonable in your responses. Don’t bad mouth the mother, share your concerns if you have them, but if she’s a good mother it’s ok to say that. Express your wish to put the past behind you and work to provide a as caring nvironnt for your child.
Dear Mojo,
Thank you so much. You have been a graet help. One more thing I want to ask please? How much NMO can play part in child arrangement? My whole family live abroad and my ex wife's family will not help in terms of handing overs. So, how am I going to pick my daughter up when time will come? I am sure my ex wife will use this excuss that she can't leave her mum alone and I can't go anywhere near her?
Kind Regards
You should discuss this with the court at the right time, some contact centres offer a handover service so that might be an option. If she goes to nursery or a childminder, picking her up there could be an option. Perhaps you could use a childminder just for handovers, that might be worth looking into.
Dear Mojo,
Thank you so much. I will look into all the options you have provided. I will update you all in regards to my section 7 report as well. Plus best of luck to all the loving fathers here.
Kind Regards
Hi there,
Can I please ask you how to approach section 7 interview with Cafcass? I have couple of videos where my ex wife had been abusive and violent towards me. I know she will make so many allegations against me in her interview. Can I also show the videos which I have to Cafcass? Also in my (FHDRA) hearing Cafcass was not present at the court and Safeguarding letter stated that no contact interim untill. Can I make an urgent application to court for interim contact as it was not mentioned in the order. I have a letter from GP to state that I have clear mental health and a letter from police stating that they are not taking any further action in regards to her false allegation of DV. I am just finding it difficult to understand that how can Cafcass make the report without seeing me with my child?
Kind Regards
Fakhar Javed
My advice remains the same Arman... be calm, reasonable and child focused.
As far as the videos are concerned, were they recorded without your ex knowing? You can mention you have them, but don’t be surprised if they refuse to look at them.
Again, try not to worry about what she is saying, or what allegations she has made, you will be asked about them, just be honest and show concern rather than anger. Concentrate on your own case and making it the best it can be.
It’s difficult for a court to start granting contact, unless they can be sure that there are no risks to the child. They rely on the reports and other investigations to inform them, so that is why they often hold off on contact until they have all the information to refer to before making a decision. As the safeguarding letter recommended no interim contact, the court were likely to follow that.
You do need to get your letters filed as evidence, as these were requested by your ex’s solicitor, were they mentioned in the interim order? Have you been asked to provide a statement, you can attach letters to that if you have? If not, you should write to the court to ask for permission to file them, unless it states in the order that you are to supply such letters to the court. If that is the case just send them in to the court with a covering letter, don’t forget to keep copies and also to send them to the other party’s solicitor.
As far a Cafcass seeing you with your child, it doesn’t always happen. Give the cafcass officer a call and ask them if it would be possible to arrange that as part of the S7 report, if not, ask if they will support supervised contact at a contact centre in the S7 and at the next hearing, so that a report can be prepared on your child’s interaction with you for the court, to help them make a decision on how contact might work going forward.
Make sure you talk about your child’s relationship with you, how close you are and the things that you did together.
All the best
Dear Mojo,
Once again thank you for your guidance. Court has seen my GP letter and the Police letter. Ex wife solicitor said that they need enhanced police disclosure, which is still outstanding. Couple of times I was involved in a verbal argument with the neighbours, only because my ex wife was complaining to me about their behaviour and noise levels. I have never been charged or even coutioned by the police. Do you know how much impact these verbal arguments will have on my case? As far as videos are concerned she new that I was recording as she was very abusive and punched me in the chest. I have received a letter from cafcass that they will contact me in next 4 weeks for Section 7. When should contact them and request them to arrange a supervised contact with my daughter as part of their report?
Kind Regards