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[Solved] Hi Everyone. Newbie with issues, hope that the forum can help. 🙂

 
LightTunnel
(@LightTunnel)
Active Member Registered

First-time dad poster.

What made me join?

Transition today...my middle two boys didn't want to stay with me. One seemed 'scared' and asked his mum to 'drive on' (apparently) when I walked down the driveway. That's unbelievable. That's actually f-ing heartbreaking! The people I most want to feel safe with me, not feeling comfortable with me...WTAH?!

The only thing I can think of (apart from the obvious - that I am too severe) is that I bring the bad energy I have developed with their mum whenever we interact, and that the boys feel it.

Maybe. Maybe I just need to vent and hear from other dads.

Anyone had anything similar?

Anyone have insights that might help?

Totally open to hearing 'real talk' guys.

LightTunnel (yes, I dearly hope there is at the end of mine)

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 12/11/2020 7:42 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

DId he seem scared to you from what you could see, or is that just what she told you? Chances are that she'd been winding him up on the way to you anyway, so it's her negativity that's affecting him, not yours. You said middle two boys, do you have others, and are they the same mum?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12/11/2020 12:12 pm
(@bill337)
Illustrious Member

LightTunnel how old are your kids? and have they displayed this kind of behaviour in the past?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12/11/2020 4:05 pm
LightTunnel
(@LightTunnel)
Active Member Registered

Hi actd,

Genuinely, I do not believe my boys are scared of me. I did think deeply on this, while I am strict and have specific boundaries there is no wanton violence or aggression toward the children.

Possibly I unconsciously carry tension from having to deal with an unsavoury situation with the mother that my children feel. Kids are naturally more empathic and empathetic than adults.

I do think there is a strong possibility that part of the issue was that the mother was 'winding them up'.

Thanks for the reply actd.

Apologies for the slow response.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 22/02/2021 9:28 am
LightTunnel
(@LightTunnel)
Active Member Registered

Hi Bill,

Thanks for the response.

14 (previous relationship), 5, 3 and 14-months (same mum).

Never scared of me no. Our 3-year old is very close to mum, and often would choose to stay with her over me (which I've no issue with, I won't force my kids).

The behaviour was out of character - at least from my point-of-view.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 22/02/2021 9:30 am
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Hi Lighttunnel

Prior to the meet had you had some interaction with their mother? If so how did that go?

You mention you are quite strict and have boundaries? In what way and what are they?

You mention 'no wanton violence or aggression towards the kids', is there anything inadvertently that could be upsetting/scaring the kids... I'm not saying there could be, however, we all have to take a step back and reflect on how we are as parents once we have separated...

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Posted : 22/02/2021 11:41 am
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