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Need some advice

New Member Registered

Posting as a mum as I would like a father's perspective on my current situation. Hope this is ok?

We have a 6 month old and he hasn't seen him for two months. Now he has called to say he wants to see our child. Before the two month gap he was coming over 2-4 times a month (visit lasts for 2-3 hours). Anytime he visits I end up looking after the baby because he is always busy on his phone or asks me to handle the feeds/naps. 

I have always been open to him coming around to my house to see the baby regularly to build a bond and gradually increase to contact outside the house for a few hours/day when the baby is 9-12 months.

However he is demanding that he wants weekends Fri-Sun now. In his words his reason is that I can't put limitations on when he can take his son and how long he can keep him for.

He currently lives 1.5 hours away with his parents and 3 siblings in a 3 bedroom house. But I'm reluctant to agree overnights as there isn't space for the baby to sleep (suggested a cot in the living room because there is no space for a cot in his room) and one of his siblings suffers from frequent blackouts due to a medical condition whereby he can sometimes become aggressive towards people. I'm just worried about the safety of the baby when this occurs.

If my ex does get his own place then I'm happy to consider our child to stay overnights (weekends) once he is 1-2 years old.

He feels that I'm being unreasonable and keeps threatening court. I'm at the point where I think court might be best but I'm trying to avoid this as I'm only trying to do what's best really.

We have decided to split costs 50/50 for the child but he said this is on the basis that I provide receipts? I have much on my plate as a single mum but I think this request is quite extreme. I do earn significantly more than him so I'm not too sure why he is requesting this. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Sorry for the long post! 

Topic starter Posted : 26/03/2023 2:11 pm
Honorable Member

Try to avoid court as it is a lengthy stressful process.  Could you try mediation first?  You can find one who is registered through the Family Mediation Council and ask for one who deals with child arrangements rather than finances.  There is a fee but legal aid may be available depending on income.

Posted : 26/03/2023 6:42 pm
Illustrious Member


I think your position is reasonable. I have been through the courts and they ordered overnights to start when my child turned 2 and a half. In other cases they allowed to happen earlier when child is a year old. Every case is different. 

I would suggest you try mediation with him. Would recommend Circle mediation:

They offer £500 of free mediation sessions.

Posted : 27/03/2023 12:41 pm
New Member Registered

Thank you both for responding.

It is quite difficult to reason with him so I think I will go down the mediation route and see how that goes. 

Topic starter Posted : 27/03/2023 4:56 pm

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