Hello
Hi and welcome.
Do you have a question relating to NMOs?
Thank you all on this forum. I have been reading topics on here for the past 6 weeks or so, and been getting loads of help from other topics.
This is my first post on any forum like this, as I need some customised help/advice for my case.
As many others here, my wife left with our 2 daughters (5 today and 2) on 15/10. Just a quick background, on the 13/10, she asked me to print out a doc(24 mo questionnaire) for our younger one. So I emailed her saying that this is ridiculous that she only sent me the doc when I was already asleep, and she needed it by 9AM following day. I still printed it for kids sake, although I was promoted that week and started training with my manager. So she kept on coming to my office and arguing. When I had a lunch break I went nuts and was telling her off, then she got heated and kicked me so I kicked her back. Knowing this was not gonna end well, I called the Police, but told them I just wanted them to calm her down so I can work and kids won't be affected, etc. So they did and all was calm . The next day she asked me £100 for kids, I gave her my last £110. And on 15/10 she left with kids to refuge after picking the elder one from school, and later emailed me to get a solicitor to see kids again. I was never as sad, worried, confused, etc..
So I called the police and SS, but they could not do much as she was protected by refuge etc... So the following week. I filed a C100 and mentioned her abuse to kids on my witness statement.
On 12/11 she messaged me via her mum talking about money we owe and if I filed a Child arrangement application, and even talked about mediation etc.. so I was excited that finally decided to grow up. However, on the 20/11, I received a NMO full of lies, that she signed on 09/11 (before contacting me), so she was just being fake again. Also, on 14/11 she came home with a policeman to take her stuff. I was in middle of work when they opened the house door and started taking her stuff, I was pissed but did not mind and let them do their things.
I had a Cafcass call yesterday (01/12), the lady was nice compared to experiences I have seen online. she was listening, reassuring and informative. And she did not even contact her before as she did not have her new number. So I did not want to give them loads of concerns so I just picked a few like child abuse, parent alienation (as she said to kids that I was loser and jobless when I lost my job a year or so ago, also told them that dad smokes weed, but did not tell the weed bit to cafcass). They also asked me about drug/alcohohol. I did tell her that I did smoke cannabis occasionally but stopped (she did not seem to be very concerned about that). And also told her that I very rarely drink as alcohol is not my thing (which is true), although I was drinking a lot on past weekends due to this situation(did not tell her this). Also the lady said they will involve SS as there are allegations of DV, I was not expecting this at all.
Now I have my NMO hearing on 16/12, which I will defo contest as it is full of lies, and I have evidence to prove that on 75% of what she said, the rest is just fabricated, I guess.
Today is the 5th BDay of our elder one, I emailed her solicitor to ask if I could at least get a phone call arranged to wish her HBD, as I cannot send presents or cards atm, and have never missed celebrating their BDays with them, but no replies yet.
Just to clarify, I have loads of evidence but they are nothing like Police or SS reports. The only time I had issues with law was when I was driving with Provisional license. So I pleaded guilty and paid the fee. I am not aware of her having issiues with law. And she started threatening me with taking kids away and tried to push me to limits to use my messages and recording me too. This all is happening since she met a new friend a year ago, and that friend supposedly experienced DV and was in refuge etc.. Also all my evidence are more like recordings from my kid telling me how she pulled her hair, how she threw the younger one on floor, and how she pushed her off chair. and loads of emails and messages. I did not report any of these before as I was scared they will just take kids away.
Any advice about the NMO hearing, CAFCASS interview, and the rest would be greatly appreciated.
Thank to you all on here, this is a great platform for people like me. Sorry for any typo as I typed this while at work
Thanks and glad to be here. I was having issues to post my concerns, but it seems sorted now
Cheers
I don't have experience with NMO, but others on here do, so hopefully you'll get the benefit of their experience. With regards to any future cafcass interviews, try to keep it focussed on the children, rather than criticising your ex, though if she has abused the children, then that it definitely relevant. Cafcass don't want to see this as a battle between you and your ex, more how you can do what is best for your children.
I can see this is very difficult for you. If you are contesting the non mol, then there will be a fact finding hearing. You will have to give a statement explaining why the allegations are untrue. The Judge will hear from both sides and make a decision about who is telling the truth. There may be an opportunity for you to accept undertakings at the first hearing. This is a promise to the court that you will not do various things. This is not quite the same as an order as if you don't comply you won't be arrested. However, it would be best to toe the line. You don't have to do this if you feel you have enough evidence against her allegations.
She may well apply for an Occupation Order to get you out of the house as she can't stay in a refuge for ever.
Thank you for the response @Champagne.
After reading other posts here, and knowing my ex, I don't think I will take undertakings on this occasion. Just so you know, I have over 75% to prove her allegations are false, the rest is hard to prove as they are fabricated. She also mentioned I had depression and that was where our problems started from, which is not true, and I have requested my full medical reports including all appointments with GP (should get that before the NMO hearing). The other evidence are mainly emails, and messages, hope this is OK. I know if I take undertaking, she will just use it against me in the future.
Just to clarify, the only evidence I am sure she has is the day I called police as it seems that she was pushing me to limits coming to my office and argue while I was in training, and then got me recorded I think when I went mad about that. Also I use F*** words a lot on my messages as she knows that I would not do it in fro of kids
If you think there is any reason why I should take undertaking please let me know.
Many thanks for your time and response
There is no need to accept undertakings if you feel you have enough evidence to disprove her allegations. It's unfortunate that you have sworn in messages as she will say you are abusive. However, if you show that much of her evidence is untrue, then she becomes an 'unreliable witness' so it's unlikely the case will be found in her favour. The big issue really is seeing the children. It's likely your C100 and the non mol will be joined together and considered at the same time.
It sounds like you have grounds to contest it, I mean if your ex is turning up to your work place and screaming at you, you could probably get a non mol on her!! She has not covered herself in glory doing that type of thing. For now, ignore any messages from her and refrain from contacting her directly (go through her solicitor if she has one)
Thank you Ferfer and Champagne.
Just to clarify the office is at home, but I guess it does not make much difference.
And I initially told barrister to apply for NMO against her(even before she sent hers), but barrister did not think that was a good thing at that time, so I gave up on it.
I have blocked her mum, where she last reached me from. I have no intention speaking to her, but will defo contest.
You're right the big problem is kids contact. Yesterday was my elder one's 5th Bday, so I emailed her solicitor to ask if I could at least wish her HBD in solicito's presence over the phone, solicitor did not even bother replying, So I called twice yesterday and was told she was at hearing, but never got back to me. So I will not even contact her solicitor anymore. I will take the hit for short term and hope the best is to come in long term. Fingers crossed
hi El_Dad,
I have no experience with NMO's. I hope things go well for you. I imagine you would have to weigh up the pros and cons to accepting or contesting the NMO. It's possible your ex told her solicitor to ignore you. better to stop contact for a while. Most important thing is to be child-focused and work towards securing access asap. going to war with your ex will only delay things.