Evening guys, I know that there are dads at various points of despair, some of whom have no contact at all which must be utterly soul destroying. I have some contact on a fortnightly basis and on the weekends I don't, I really plummet.
What does anyone else do? I have various interests, good friends and family but I am just totally disinterested in anything these days. I just wish my life away till the next time we see each other.
For anyone that's in a similar situation, can they tell me how long it took them to get to the acceptance stage? At the end of each contact faced with a two week delay, I cry so hard for days, especially the 1st couple. In truth, I cry everyday but some days further in a little less. Distance wise, its not practical for us to see each other during the week sadly.
I'm just so scared ill never be able to say goodbye without being on the verge of collapse.. Thanks for reading
Hi brokendad
I can understand your problem - in my early days, I had contact two or three times a week, and then my ex moved away and it instantly changed to alternate Sundays. The only advice I can give is to keep yourself busy - if you are disinterested in your current activities, then perhaps it's time for something new that will keep yourself immersed. It will take time, but as long as you are getting that contact, then you need to concentrate on keeping yourself in a good state of mind so you can be the best dad when you do have contact.
Yup that's the one keep busy and keep your head straight, It's been 9 months since I seen my 11 month old Girl I've gave up smoking fags and weed to keep my mind off things, I started hitting the gym eating well sleeping well going to see the family more, I've started Dj'ing again (hence 4 trips to ibiza to smash it this summer) I threw myself into the day job, started dating again anything to take my mind off things it doesn't stop you thinking about my Girl but I can cope a lot better 🙂
Really is a time thing - one of those where after a undeterminable amount of time you kind of get used to it - for me it kinda got easier as I had a new partner - it didnt stop me missing them but I used my other weekend for us to do things together which we couldnt with the children - Go ape, bigger walks than we do with the children, hit the gym, or drag her to the pub to watch the footy - I also rejoined my Sunday league team and player that alternative weekends
I think the biggest thing though that helps me when I dont have the children is I have always had something in the pipeline trying to get more access - so up until last Tuesday I had a final hearing to look at thinking yes IM going to get more time - then when the court ballsed that up and reduced it I now have an appeal in the pipeline.
Alot of people tell me that its not so bad because I can give the children pure quality time - I dont buuy that as Id rather be part of their every day lives influencing and helping their development and growing up in all aspects -
I dont think Il every fully get used tonot seeing them every day - its been nearly 2.5 years now since our split, I think about my children every day and quite often would just love to pick up the phone and see how their day went - I cant see that ever going away but it does get easier
thanks mate. funnily enough, I to am a reasonable footballer and thought about re joining my Sunday team. Unfortunately i'm still at the to raw stage to actually do it, my mind is all consumed with this and the uncertainty. I go to the match all the time as well but even that hasn't taken my mind off things. I've got things in the pipeline just now as well and that tends to concentrate the mind at points where I feel positive but I fluctuate between that and a crushing low.
Last week I played 5 a sides and I still thought about it even when I had the ball. At one stage, I was about to take a shot and was still thinking about it. In the end after half an hour, I walked off, sat in my car and cried.
I just want to be a dad, a good one at that, yet im needing to battle with all my might just to get a chance...
Honestly man exercise is the key I forced myself to start running and forced myself to hit the weights and I started noticing a difference straight away it really builds up your confidence and makes you start to eat well then I was finding I started to sleep better to, All I think now is that I'm trying to keep my head straight for my Daughter she's going to need a strong minded daddy to be there for her.
It was really difficult but I had to think of myself I too went to see my doctor she referred me to a shrink they both said the same thing that I was fine but struggling to come to terms with being stopped from seeing my Girl they both said exercise is a winner.
You have to be strong in mind and body to go through the court system because it takes its toll mentally a physically I was a skinny dying wreck when I started at the courts but I've put on 2 stone filled out loads and I love standing there in court with a clear mind determined to do what ever it takes to see my Girl.
Sounds like playing football is the way forward for you and it will help you on the socialising front I was pretty luck as the girl who lives next door to me forced me to go running and hit the Gym.
thanks slim, you are an absolute gentleman, an inspiration to us all. I need to get my [censored] in gear your correct and ive felt sorry for myself long enough. Two things has happened in the last ten mins. Ive spoken to my work, who I will never speak bad of again, truly fantastic and i'm going back on Thursday to give it another bash and I got a text asking me to play 5 a sides tonight which I said yes to.
Hopefully ill be a bit better this week as I was truly awful last time when im normally quite good. Not a surprise though in that I was running on less calories than an anorexic centipede....
Thanks again mate...