Hi again, sorry its been a while. I am at a point where I never thought id be. Ironically, after a fair degree of progress and some light at the end of the darkest tunnel I could ever imagine, my energy is spent. Oppressed by a 'mother' [censored] bent on hating me and running out of money fast, im ready to give up, I really am.
I have devoted the last year of my life to this and only now even in the glow of 'victory', the pitiful nature of 'victory' and the tiny amount of time I see my child destroys me.
Long after we go, society will look back at its treatment of decent fathers and hang its head in shame and rightly so. Another work week ahead, no focus for me other than get to next weekend, spend a couple of nights with my boy and then cry for two weeks till we meet again.
No wonder fathers give up.
Hi BD,
I'm in a similar situation to you. I see my son every other weekend and no contact at all in between. Surviving those 2 weeks is tough I know.
It helped me knowing that even though vastly reduced my time with my son is much better than it was than when with her. This is small comfort on those difficult lonely nights.
I can only say hang on in there for both you and your son. Remember how much you love him and how much better his life is with you as part of it. Try to find something to occupy your mind during the time he's not there or spend time planning those days.
I think it is a long process becoming adjusted to our new situations that at times will be hard. Try to focus on how much better things are now from when you started. I know I don't always look at things positively myself so this can be difficult.
Above all hang on in there. Every child needs a dad who loves him like you do. I know you have the strength inside you to continue with this and be the best dad you can be - just as you are now.
MH
Hi MH
Im probably going to proceed with court if my mediation attempts fail.
Can I too be looking at only every other weekend if my previous contact was every day?
Dreading a decision like that.
Gian
I feel the same and I've got an order in place but giving up is not an option it never has and will never will be I just think back to what position I was in a year ago not seeing my girl for 9 months was torture so 7 days isn't to bad and at the end of the day contact will increase I'm always up and down this weekend was tough but I then decided to get myself out and about again I'm trying to keep myself busy I've bought a new car and I'm going to spend my weekends seeing friends and family before and after seeing my girl. keep going mate things will get better trust me 🙂
Chin up and keep going. It is tough but you will get there.
Be the best Dad you can be in the time you have, no concelation but your child needs you there.
Keep chipping away.
Regards,
Dave
DaveR
Can you tell me if the amount of contact one has before the ex stops contact is taken into account by the court
I would say that yes it is taken into account.
I expect they would look at that and if it was working in the childs best interests and if it was but the other parent stopped it without good reason then the courts would not be too pleased.
Regards,
Dave
They do take into consideration the amount of contact you had before contact was stopped, Every case is different there are no set rules what the contact court will award it just seems that every other weekend fri-sun and a midweek overnight is the bare minimum it's up to you the courts and the ex to come up with contact that you will be happy with.
Try not to worry about what the court will or won't do as it's anyones guess every court, judge, case is different it will do your head in second guessing what any outcome will be, try to tackle everything in stages so for the time being concentrate on mediation first see how that goes then think about how you're going to approach court ect.
The courts takes forever unfortunately try and come up with a contact proposal you would like and why you think it's in the best interest of the child and take that to mediation with you so you can gauge what the ex thinks to it 🙂
Thank you for that, my mind is working overtime on this. What worries me most is that the court might just make a 'no order' decision and then Im stuck with what i have now. Has anyone experienced that?
I understand your concern. I have heard of it an know someone who had no order.
I am back in court and have the same concern that the judge may make no order in my case.
As Slim says though, try not to worry and put your case together as best you can.
Regards,
Dave
Honestly don't look too far in the future it will end up doing your head in "no orders" are not that common they're usually ordered when there is close agreement on contact , You've not started court proceedings yet so it's pointless trying to second guess everything, You can't let all this take over your life you need to be able to see the wood for the trees, you have to think about no1 do things to take your mind off things, socialise more do a hobby keep fit you need to have your mind and body in fine fettle to fight for your child it is going to be the hardest thing you have ever encountered and you need to be in shipshape.
That has made me feel a lot better.............much appreciated!