[Solved] Child custody schedule
I have been seperated from my wife since last May.
I have my two kids (5 and 7) from Thursday evening through to Sunday evening each week (they get dropped back at 7pm).
I have been doing this for a while now but I’m exhausted. I work during the week and work from home on a Friday and then have two kids by myself at the weekend. I have absolutely no free time, it’s work and kids.
I very much love my kids but I am finding it hard going. I’m thinking of asking for a different schedule with my ex such that every other week I drop the kids back at 2pm on a Saturday. That would give me 1.5 days free every other week where I can have some time to myself.
My ex doesn’t work and so currently she has Thursday night, all day Friday and Saturday and Sunday up to 7pm.
I was wondering if anyone had any comments on what I would like to propose. Do you think it seems reasonable?
I wonder how other fathers do this when they are working full time and their ex doesn’t work?
Many thanks in advance.
Many men would kill to have the time you get.
When you have kids me time goes out of the window to a certain extent and lifes fulfilment comes from your kids.
I know when I was younger though i neglected my dutys as a dad and had me time having fun messing around. But I'm now 41 and look back and regret a lot and wish someone had told me to stop being a idiot and enjoy life with my kids cos they grow so fast and every second with them is precious especially when you only get a few days with them your already losing out in time with them.
They are children not a chore.
Fathers do work full time as single dads just like some women do as single mothers, you just get on with it.
I'm as good as a single dad a few days a week due to space problems (two adults, 20 and 19 year old and 3,6 and 9 year old and 2x 3 bedroom houses) and have my daughter from my ex full time and my 6 year old while running a business but it's helped by me being my own boss. Only weekends do I have my wife around.
I hope you don't try to lessen time with your kids they need you too
I think we have to appreciate that one size doesn’t fit all!
Everyone needs free time, when there’s just the one parent and a couple of young kids it’s demanding! I think the previous poster has much more support around the home, the older kids do help to spread the care around a bit.
Some full time jobs are much harder either physically or mentally and that break at the weekends isa necessity. Some people’s energy levels are higher than others, some people aren’t natural parents... we don’t judge here.
If you’re struggling and need some extra down time, you should speak to your ex about changing the schedule.
Many Dads feel that alternate weekends and a weekly midweek visit suits them more, some opt for a three on and one off weekend. If you’re happy with the reduced schedule you propose in your post, that’s also reasonable in my opinion.
She may object, but she can’t force you to have them every weekend if you need a change. If there’s a problem talking to her, or reaching an amicable agreement, you could try mediation to try and sort it out. If she threatens to stop all contact, mediation would be the first step before making an application to court anyway.
Best of luck
Simply giving my views from being a dad.. Can't say dad cos I wasn't, I was a idiot that had, kids but didn't put them first and had "me time" to being a dad who wanted time with my kids to now being as good as a single dad while running a business full time without any support during the week whilst I have my 10 year old also have my 6 year old 4 or 5 days,
Trying to cut time with kids seems to go against the.. Because dad's matter.. To kids.
Ey kids I can have you without a fight mum's decent but I'm possibly going to cause a fight cos I want less time with you.
Poster has Sunday to Wednesday night after work free to himself. Poster is a very lucky man in my opinion and I'm sure plenty other mens eyes
We’re all different crx, we welcome everyone’s views as you know, but it’s always good to have more than one way of looking at something.
All the best
It's why I posted as a single dad of one 5 days a week and single dad of 2 sometimes 4 or 5 days with no help.
I also pick my daughters friend up from school 3 days a week and she comes back with my kids to my garage until six because her mother is a carer and works six days and earns a pittance, she's single she just gets on with it.
Blokes in my circle would say man up stop whinging like a bit*h.
And from the pms guys send me on here it seems like a lot like my way of saying things they just don't have it in them to post it in public due to the type of replys I sometimes get on public posts
I'm of the same opinion as the OP, I have my kids every weekend and work full time, 7.30am-5pm, with an hours commute each way on top of that. I get home, and I'm knackered.
On top of that, either a Monday or a Wednesday (sometimes both) I'll take one of the kids to swimming lessons, This leaves every Tuesday night for "me time". Every other week I have the kids Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday to 7pm. The following week I have them Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday to 7pm.
I started a new relationship 7 months ago, and she has two kids who she has 12 nights out of 14, so she's only free every other weekend on a Friday and Saturday night, but I'm never child free when she is.
I go to hers (she lives 40 miles away) after work one or two nights a week, but by the time I get there it's 8pm, then we're both up early for work (5am for me to get back home to go to work for 7.30am) so it's not quality time, it's just a quick tea, then bed.
My ex works saturday days, and some saturday evenings but not regular. I tried to ask her for a free saturday night and every other sunday, and I'd increase my nights in the week to make it 50/50 (currently 65/35), but she refused, as "this is how we've done it for the last 3 years" and "it doesn't suit me".
My argument that she'd have more time in the week to do her own thing (and every other weekend) fell on deaf ears, So now I'm stuck in a cycle of Work/Kids with the girlfriend sandwiched in when I can which isn't conducive to a healthy relationship.
It's not, in my opinion, selfish to want some downtime away from the 9-5 and kids all weekend.
They are children not a chore.
I think this is a bit of an unfair statement. Why should a dad suddenly have to put his needs second just because he has children? I'm a dad of 3, I have them every weekend. Does wanting to do an extra night in the week and having a bi-weekly 24 hours to myself when people are actually available to do things make me any less of a dad? I don't think so, I think it would make me a better dad, more relaxed, less stressed, less tired, less irritable. Just that 24 hours a fortnight would make all the difference to me.
I can absolutely see your point... our lives don’t stay the same and any family court likes to see parents making fair compromises and being flexible around contact. The bog standard child contact order would be alternate full weekends and a mid week contact, mainly because the court considers that both parents should spend quality weekend time with their children.
You can start the ball rolling with mediation and see where it takes you. First I would put your proposals in writing to her and explain that should no agreement be reached, you will be requesting mediation, and if that’s unsuccessful, a court order for a revised schedule of contact.
Best of luck
Hey. Just joined so I hope this is still active and seen.
So here's my story.
I broke up with my wife and have two children. I have been trying to work out having them with me on my day off (yes day off)
I have always worked on a farm and always will. So it's not exactly a 9-5 job. The varying hours are all part of it. I currently work 6 days a week and only get Sundays off. This changes as the. Seasons change. (Harvest ect)
My ex is now complaining I'm not having them enough and I do see her point, however she always messages me asking me to have them as they are doing her head in. And she needs a break.
I. Would love to have them more but my working hours are changeable and I never know if I'm going to finish at 5pm or 10pm. It's just the nature of the job.
So my question is, can a court order me to have them certain times. I have a lot of living expenses to pay for let alone the good old CSA payments taken from me. And in order to actually live I have to work.
So at a fear of loosing my job and being unemployed and then Bering in financial ruin. Can the court make an order. I have tried mediation with her but I can't always stick to it. She doesn't work.
Or even worst fear can anyone stop me from seeing my kids at all. I'm not violent or abusive never been in trouble with police. Just a normal every day dad.
Oh and huge part about my work is I live in accomodation on the farm. So if I lose my job I also become homeless...
Thank you in advance
A family court cant make a dad see his children. It is about your availability and not your ex partners. At the moment if shes complaining you don't have them enough all you can really do is suggest you either have them every sunday 9 am - 6pm or Saturday 5pm - sunday 6pm every week or every other weekend. You should try and find some time to spend with your children otherwise you may regret it in later life when they are all grown up. maybe even if u worked 6 days on farm and 5 the following week then 6 and then 5 so u can try and make some time to see children and agree something with your ex. perhaps u could do a pick up from school instead during a 6 day week where you have like half a day so you can have play and supper 3pm -6/ 7pm ..u could even go bk to work after if you finish at 10pm if need be.
Whatever happens if it cant be sorted out amicably a family court will order on when u are available. if ex contests they cant grant contact every weekend it would be every other weekend
Thanks. Sorry I didn't mention my start times vary but normally I'm starting work at 6am. It's not normal hours and very long days.
I'm struggling as well on Sundays when I have to return them. It's not easy and probably the worst part of my week. So much so that I normally go and get a bottle of Jack and finish half of it that evening just so I'm numb and the pain just isn't there then I pass out until morning and work destracts me for another week. I know this isn't good but it's a coping mechanism. Returning my kids is probably the single hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.