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ASK DEBBIE – I don’t want to be like my Dad

Ask Debbie

Ask Debbie

24 Mar 2021

Dads, do you struggle sometimes? Who do you reach out to for help? Debbie Pattison, a qualified counsellor at Fegans can answer your questions. Send them in to Ask Debbie at info@dad.info and if she can she will answer. Today’s question is about not revisiting your parent’s parenting style…

Dear Debbie, my dad was emotionally distant. Now I have kids I don’t want to be like him, but worry I am… please help!

worried Dad.

Dear Worried Dad,


Sorry to hear that your distant relationship with your father is now causing you to worry about your own relationship with your children.

The first thing you need to do is to congratulate yourself for recognizing this pattern and understanding where it originates. We are drawn to parent in the way we were ourselves parented. But as you are well aware, knowing it and changing it are two different things. And this is where the work is – to look at what kind of relationship you would have liked from your father and in turn looking at what changes you can make now to be the father you want to be. I am also wondering what that felt like for you, having a distant relationship with your father.

Have you considered Counselling? Our zoom counseling would give you a safe, confidential, non-judgmental, empathic space to help you to explore how your childhood impacted you and identify what is stopping you from being the father you so want to be whilst supporting you as you consider the changes you now want to make to be a better father to your children.

All best wishes, Debbie

About Debbie

Debbie is an experienced counsellor and advocate for children and adult’s mental health.

Find out more about online counselling with Fegans

If you would like to find our more information about our online counselling, provided by experienced and qualified counsellors leave your details below and Debbie will be in touch for an informal chat to talk through the process and the costs. We work with young people (aged 10 and over) and parents.

(Bursaries are available for families on lower incomes)

Counselling with Fegans

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If you have a question for Ask Debbie email us at – info@dad.info

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