Are Mummy and Daddy really happy?
In difficult news, a study carried out by Direct Line has revealed as many as 22% of parents stay in a relationship they’re no longer happy with, purely for the sake of their children.
This is a sensitive and tricky subject and vulnerable to over simplistic sweeping statements.
Are children happier living with Mum and Dad?
In principle, (and with lots of caveats) all children are happier if their parents are together.
At the same time though, all children are at risk of becoming more vulnerable if there is repeated open and angry conflict in the family.
So the question, are Mummy and Daddy really happy, hides a number of variables such as…
Are you able to live together peacefully?
Are you able to model managing your differences?
Has there been a long period without too much change (schools/house/bereavements) in family life?
If the answers to the question above tend to be yes then perhaps “staying together for the sake of the kids” is possible whilst acknowledging the huge cost of such a sacrifice. It is difficult in our culture to not place our fulfilment first…but the rewards for our children are huge, if we can do so peaceably with our co-parent.
Staying together for the kids
The survey in fact suggests a staggering 7.6 million people have made that tough choice and buried feelings and pushed on in their relationship, despite feeling it had reached an emotional conclusion because of their kids.
When asked, reasons for staying together the study found:
35% of parents didn’t want their children to grow up in two homes
21% felt like they needed help raising their kids
16% didn’t want to admit their relationship had failed
10% even went as far as to say having the kids in the house served as a distraction from the relationship’s issues
The majority of men (46%) believing it was better to have two parents living at home, while the highest percentage of women (31%) said their own financial concerns were the biggest factor in staying together.
Ignorance is bliss!
Perhaps most shockingly of all, 3.1 million of those surveyed kept their desire to split from their partner totally to themselves.
Find out more about this fascinating survey by checking out the full report below:
If you are to separate one thing we would recommend to do is to use a mediator. They are brilliant at placing the children at the heart of how you are to do family in the future.
One thing we would recommend not to do is overburden your children with your pain.
That is the hard bit but so worth it.