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The movement of my son from one place to another is no simple matter. Not only does the timing need to be right, but so does our choice of transportation.

For example, if it’s nap time the pram is the obvious option. However, any number of stairs on your journey, and the carrier is your best bet. If you want to look a little more trendy about town then our newest transportation method – the ‘sling’ – is the one for you. It acts in a similar way to the baby carrier but you score more points at breastfeeding conventions and stuff (I assume). I should point out at this stage that I’ve never worn the sling or gone to a breastfeeding convention. I’ve not worn the sling for two reasons:

1. I don’t understand how it works, and

2. I don’t trust it. The thing doesn’t have buckles or pins. Loading Adlai into it is like playing ‘Cat’s Cradle’. Legs and sling all over the place. I was never good at that and I’m not good at this.

Another thing I’ve learned to bear in mind when choosing a transportation type is how likely my son is to poo or puke. If it’s poo you’re worried about then by all means use the sling, but point that kid’s butt away from you. However, if puke is your main concern then you’d be better off facing the baby away from you and keeping a fairly slow pace, minimizing jiggles and the chance of you catching up with any projectile.

If you are worried about both poo and puke, put that boy in a pram and may the force be with you. Get this wrong at your peril. You have been warned.

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