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A controlling ex partner

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Hi, i need some advice, i have a 6 year old child, i split with the father just after she was born, with out going into details we have never seen eye to eye he has picked and choosed when he wants to see her times, days etc come on gone when pleased, payed Maintance when and how much he pleased i have had enough it is effecting her now i need boundaries in place and need him to stop controlling everything i opened a child maintenance case for the 3rd or 4th time as i had been persuaded to close it before it is currently in the process of being changed to the collect process, i am awaiting a phone call back from a contact centre so we can put into place handover with no contact

he comes across very pleasant and charming and makes me feel like im going crazy its got to stop


he normally has her Friday eve and ever other weekend now 

he tells me he's not working but i have proof he is he has cut the maintenance to 1/3 of what child maintenance said and its paid on his terms and the timings of having her is also on his terms there is a-lot of manipulation etc around things my daughter is saying has said

Any ideas of things i can do to make situation better please ? 


Topic starter Posted : 09/02/2022 12:54 pm
Honorable Member

Contact is often difficult after separation but its important that you try to work together for the best interest of your daughter.  Fegans have a free course for people parenting post separation and it would help you both to do this.  Link is

Posted : 09/02/2022 1:12 pm
Prominent Member Registered


Sorry to hear you are going through this. It can be difficult but it's important to persevere as the child will benefit in the long term (hopefully) . 

Handover at a contact centre sounds sensible although you may need to look at an agreement as to who covers the cost. If your ex disagrees then you may find yourself in court if he applies for a child arrangements order. 

Regarding CMS, I would suggest keep the claim open and let the CMS determine amount to pay and how it is paid. Initially I would suggest avoiding using collect and pay as this adds an extra 20% for your ex to pay and from the amount you are due 4% will be deducted. This is all money that could go towards child instead of the CMS, although it is a decision for you to make.

I believe you and child need routine and certainty (with some flexible to benefit the child) and the steps you are suggesting sound sensible although consider the additional points I have made.


All the best. 

Posted : 09/02/2022 1:41 pm

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