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Children now dont want to see me

Trusted Member Registered

I'm hoping someone can help me here.

I started court proceedings 2 years ago following mum stopping contact. I did have interim contact with my children in Spring last year. In Autumn 20, mum stopped contact just before the final hearing stating that the children didn't want to spend time with me and made further allegations against me.

Court ordered video contact which ran for a while. Then the children started to get upset, especially the eldest. Mum held the phone on the video calls do was present for them all. Many time the children kept looking at their mum before saying anything.

CAFCASS then suggested dace to face contact in a contact centre but the children wouldn't attend stating they don't want to see me.

CAFCASS havvme now said they cannot recommend contact due to the children's emotional state.

I believe that due to the constant changing and stopping of access and being subject to interrogations by numerous authorities and CAFCASS the children are sick of everything and are siding with mum. 

I don't know what to do for the best as I have always had a great relationship with my children but fear and believe that I can evidence that parental alienation has occured. 

My children are 7 and 9. Can anybody help please? 

Topic starter Posted : 15/06/2021 8:18 pm
Honorable Member Registered


Do you have any safeguarding issues raised against you? Also I'm a huge fan of video calls, considering your children's ages is there any reason why mum always held the phone? Do the children have their own tablets in order to be able to call you on their own?

Whilst CAFCASS have recommended no contact, I would suggest once a period of time has passed to look at building up contact again but this time suggest that the kids do the calls on their own via Skype where you can record the calls (auto download at the end of the call to both parties devices) and look to make progress..

Many other dads in here have managed to arrange contact (face to face and video) without the mother being present.. My youngest has been able to use apps like Skype since the age of 6.. It helps with the children's independence, confidence etc.. Also as Skype is an instant messenger too the children can also message you whenever they want (even if mum tries to stop them if they want to speak to you they will message via the app and in time challenge mum themselves)....

Proving PA is time consuming and very costly via experts.. 

Posted : 15/06/2021 8:40 pm
Honorable Member Registered

Is there a court order in place? What happened at final hearing? It is unusual for family courts to order no contact just because they are being manipulated by their mum. Why were social services involved..normally they should promote contact wether mum likes it or not . Raising allegations like parent alienation unfortunately dont usually go down well with any of the authorities unless u get lucky and get someone that understands it a little 

Posted : 15/06/2021 9:02 pm
Trusted Member Registered

This was all via court orders, the last ordering sessions in the contact centre. Before that, the interim order was to build up contact back to every other weekend and other time. But mum threw allegations in, which were untrue.

Social services got involved as mum said that I affect the children's wellbeing.  Both Social Services and Cafcass has no safeguarding concerns over me or my parenting. I have a 3 year old child with my partner.  

However both have raised concern about the children's emotional state but cannot say why they are like this. I have my concerns about this.

The children so have phones but have never contacted me on them, only via their mum's.

Mum has been very controlling, when I did have actual contact before court action. She used to try and dictate how should parent and what I could do when the children were with me. Refusing to share pick up and drop offs and making everything as difficult as possible.  She did get better at one point when she split from her partner and blamed them for everything but got back with them and the difficulty and abuse started again.


Topic starter Posted : 15/06/2021 9:57 pm
Estimable Member Registered


My x from day 1 controlling and yes been over 1.5 months without nothing but she pesters me regarding more money and uses the kids against me all of the time pay CMS from day one lives, within the FH on state benefit does not work though if the home is sold x will have enough to rent for the next 8 years plus but playing the system and the courts allow this courts do not mind if you run up debit and struggle live on a park bench or in a tent (Look out for number 1) at the end the kids will find you and work things out your x can not control them when they become of age.

Posted : 19/06/2021 11:59 am

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