i have recently taken full custody of my 13 year old son, due to issues at his mothers. everything has been going great going to school etc over the last 2 weeks he has been refusing to go to school (cause he don't want to ) i have been leaving work to try get him up and ready and take him this has ended in arguments and total refusal. now he is trashing my house daily cause i have removed things like xbox phone pc as punishment. now he is screaming at me wishing me dead and wants to be taken into care
hi,
what if you explain to him that if he doesn't go to school, dad can get in lot of trouble, like paying fines, going to court? is there any support available from school or children's services?
Is he in a new school? Is he being bullied? The change must have been extremely upsetting for him and difficult to process at his age
have explained to him re fines etc he just not bothered in the slightest, school have said about counselling but 6 weeks wait. i dont think he been bullied as he made quite a lot of friends and plays out with them when not in school, i am going to make contact with children services today. i am so low right know and dont have any family support what so ever
It must be very difficult without any family support. Is there anywhere he'd like to go that you can do together over the weekend?
He has other brothers and a sister we collect them every 2nd weekend so we do stuff weather permitting
Do his brothers and sister still live with the mother? What’s is his behaviour like when they come to stay? It must be very confusing for him. Does he know the reason why he is not living with his siblings and has he had a chance to discuss this openly with you. Perhaps you could ask the school for more help, they have pastoral care teachers at school who can talk to him in private everyday. They won’t tell you what he says unless he reveals something that you need to know about. It’s a safe place for him to be able to open up. Are the other children older, if so can they help at all, does he have phone contact with them when they are not with you? If it’s only been the last few weeks, it’s something that’s happened, changed within that time. I’d take him out for the day do something he enjoys, then for food, then when back home ask him how he feels, anything worrying him. Hopefully he will start to tell you. If he opens up keep calm and listen fully, talk it through. Don’t take it personally if it’s something about you. If he can’t talk give him a piece of paper and pen and ask him to write it down. He can only react as a child, throwing stuff about etc which can be frustrating for adults. Good luck to you both
hi all and thanks for the advice, i have approached the school who came out Friday had between us has made a plan to try move forward and also the early help intervention team, i have a further meeting with school today with my son hopefully he dont refuse
It sounds like you're facing a really tough situation. First off, it's commendable that you've taken full custody of your son and are doing your best to support him. It's normal for kids to struggle with big changes, especially if there have been issues in the past. It might be helpful to sit down with your son and have an open, non-confrontational conversation about what's been going on. Try to understand his perspective and feelings without judgment. Additionally, reaching out to a therapist or counselor could provide both of you with support and strategies for coping with the challenges you're facing.
One thing I've learned is that communication is key. Maybe try having an open, honest conversation with him about what's been going on and how you both can work together to find a solution.