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I think she is being unreasonable but…

Active Member Registered

 Been divorced for over 5 years now but still my x is being in my opinion awkward and unreasonable.


firstly I am a self employed dad.

I have my lad at mine 50/50

The latest issue is during the school holidays that my 13 year old lad is at mine my X expects me to not work so therefore no income, my daughter who is 25 and lives with me said that she will look after him whilst I work so that money is still coming in (she works in school term times so is at home through school holidays) 

In her latest message she is saying that as I work he “needs” to be at hers during school holidays as our daughter shouldn’t be looking after our son whilst I work (remember the daughter suggested it) this will impact on me having him 50/50mand says it’s shameful that I have the daughter look after him.

so my question is does she have a right to dictate this?


Topic starter Posted : 02/09/2023 1:09 am
Illustrious Member


I think she is being unreasonable. Recently my kids stayed 2 nights at my sisters because they wanted to, while they spent week with me. Nothing wrong with that.  For most it is not possible to stop all work while kids are in their care. Am also self employed and do a little bit of work, while family are looking after the kids.

Also as your son is 13, there is nothing wrong with leaving him at home alone for a few hours, as long as your certain it will not put him in danger. See:

Posted : 02/09/2023 11:04 am
Active Member Registered

@bill337 thanks for your reply.


it’s like she is trying to ruin me financially trying always to have me not work saying how bad a dad I am etc.

it’s frustrating.

Topic starter Posted : 02/09/2023 5:21 pm
Eminent Member Registered

Legally, unless there's a specific court order stating otherwise, you generally have the right to make childcare arrangements during your parenting time as long as they're safe and appropriate. It might be helpful to document these arrangements and maintain open communication with your ex-wife about how you're managing your shared parenting responsibilities. If communication continues to be difficult, seeking advice from a mediator or family law professional could provide guidance on how to navigate these issues and ensure your rights as a parent are respected.

Posted : 06/07/2024 6:01 am
Active Member Registered

Hi, it does sound like you are not doing anything unreasonable and I agree with the replies you have had so far. As one response said; your son can choose to be with the people he wishes to be with (with your agreement) when he's under your care and so long as he is happy to be with your daughter, then that is what is important. Checking in with your son and explaining in advance how his time will look when he is at yours, will ensure that he feels settled and knows what to expect, something that you may well be doing already. Letting your ex know that you do this with him, may placate her although if as you suspect, she is just being difficult then maybe not. But keeping a record could be helpful here.

It may well be a straightforward case of your ex finding it frustrating; knowing that she is available at home in the school hols, whilst you are out working. So, maybe useful to highlight to her that you do make the most of spending time with your son in the evenings and at the other times when you're not working, as you obv wouldn't have those times together if he wasn't at your place. 

Parent Support @ Spurgeons +mumof3

Posted : 10/07/2024 12:41 pm

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