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Questioning children

 
Jnny
 Jnny
(@jnny)
Trusted Member Registered

Hello I have court ordered contact with my child, that has been in place for 6 years now. I have no relationship with my ex at all, the split was not friendly. After my son has been with me she questions him about what we’ve been doing and what we have spoken about. She is now accusing me of asking him to many questions. He recently stayed with me for 10 nights, she said that when she picked him up he said, that’s a weight of my mind, he is 8 and would never says that. When he next came to me I asked him if he knew what it meant, he said no. I left it at that. Now she has questioned him about this again and emailed me again saying I need to stop questioning him and asking him if he is happy living with her, which I never asked him, she is saying I’m upsetting him and he is scared that I am not going to let him go back to her. I can’t believe any of this is true, I’ve never said any of this. I think this is because she has recently been told that I am going back to court for shared residency. My son is very happy with me, we have a great time. This is not fair on him, what can I do to help him? Is this parent alienation? Thank you

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Topic starter Posted : 19/03/2021 5:41 pm
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Honorable Member Registered

Sounds like your ex is attempting to build a profile/picture to prevent you getting shared care. Just keep ensuring that you confirm in email that you haven't done this. Also ensure that when with you, you do not talk about anything that could be interpreted in different ways, just not worth the risk as CAFCASS and courts will interpret how mother wants them too... 

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Posted : 19/03/2021 5:56 pm
Jnny
 Jnny
(@jnny)
Trusted Member Registered

I agree. Throughout the last 8 years she has made stuff up, but it’s like because she says it, it’s the truth. I really think she believes this. Thankfully the courts didn’t agree. I didn’t know whether I should find someone to talk to my son about this, the only sign of anxiety I see with him is picking his nails. I don’t tend to say much back to her, because I don’t want her to question my son more than she already does.  

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Topic starter Posted : 19/03/2021 6:52 pm
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Honorable Member Registered

You don't need to over think it and get someone to speak to your son, could result in unintended consequences in that your ex doesn't like that and then makes things worse. 

 

Keep doing what you are doing and planning. As I say make sure you don't speak to son about the situation, that aay if he is asked he will not say anything that can be misinterpreted. Usually in cases like this, the father has been having conversations with child about the situation between the parents and the mother does not like or agree with this and then interprets what happened in a negative way to prevent contact.

 

All the best. 

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Posted : 20/03/2021 8:32 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

I would keep contact with her to the bare minimum. I wouldn't even reply to her allegations about questioning him now, as you've already told her you don't do this.

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Posted : 22/03/2021 3:49 pm
Jnny
 Jnny
(@jnny)
Trusted Member Registered

@actd

I try to have minimal contact with my ex, she loves the drama where I just want a stress free life with my son. most hand overs are done direct from school, so we don’t see each other often. She knows I’m going for shared residency so will now be throwing all sorts my way. I emailed her asking if she would agree to shared residency without involvement from the courts (again) she replied that it’s not something that should be discussed via email and told me I was insensitive. We don’t talk, i won’t meet her as I don’t trust her, she knows all of this, so I don’t know how else she expected me to raise this issue with her. I have replied just saying allegations not true. I’ve told her that as she won’t enter in to dialogue with me I have no option other than apply back to the courts, I’ve given her until Friday to reply. I already know it will be a no, but she will drag it out if she can. Like you suggest I will keep contact to a bare minimum and keep it relevant only, no game playing. Thank you for reply

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Topic starter Posted : 22/03/2021 8:00 pm
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