Hi All,
My name is Chris and I am a father of 8 years old boy. I live in Scotland and separated from my ex-wife since beginning of 2020 and since May 2020 fighting for normal contacts with my son. The case is still in court. Unfortunately, I don't know if there are any other users on this forum with experience of the Scottish system, but this is a complete stone age - fathers have no rights. I am not going to go into detail how unfair/biased the system over here is but I wanted to share a story and ask for some advice what to do with it. My son is currently in Primary 4, started the new school year this week 15.08.2023. In May/June 2023 he started informing me about the potential school move. At the time he was attending school in one town let's call it Town A, and lived with his mother opposite the school in rented accommodation since 2020. Since late 2021/early 2022, his mother found a new job in Town B, 38miles away from town A. I live in Town C, further 10 miles away, making the distance to Town B 48miles one way. Since the day my ex-wife changed the job she was commuting for over a year to Town B to work and our son could live and go to school in Town A, for me that was 15min to get to the school and pick him up for contact and 15min to drop him off after contact. I have the following routine: each Wednesday from after school (3pm Town A school) and 6:30pm drop off to ex's house in Town A. Then I also have every other weekend, Friday pick up from school and Monday drop off to school, once again 15min drive one way. Over the summer I was informed by the school from Town A, that my ex is planning to move our son to the new school in Town B, 48miles away from my current place. I didn't agree to that and the issue went to court asking for an interdict, preventing my ex from moving our son to new school. She mentioned she is buying a property in Town B and that she has work there, despite commuting to that place for over a year without a problem. The Sheriff asked for some proof of her having serious plans, she provided something that was confidential and eventually the Sheriff allowed her to change school. On 15th August 2023 my son started education in that new school. I picked him up from school on 16.08.2023 for the very first time, the headteacher of the new school in a very enthusiastic way greeted me and stressed that my son settled in very well, something what my son denied straight after I gave him a hug, with tears in his eyes he stated he hates the new place and doesn't understand why he had to move there if they still live in Town A. When I asked him what is the plan with the house move, his mother told him they are not going to move until next year for sure. She is not going to buy anything, she did that just to destroy our relationship. Currently he has to wake up after 6am and they drive to school to be there at 8am as she leaves him in the breakfast club. Then he starts school at 9am and stays there 15min longer than the previous school, until 3:15pm, when I pick him up, but stays longer in the after school club when with his mother. Then drives back home 45min, completely knackered. I am continuously fighting to take my son away from the morning and afternoon clubs, to look after him, but they refuse any additional contact stating that whatever the mother is doing is best for him. My son didn't want to move school, he complained about it to his mother, and he could easily stay in Town A as she was commuting for over a year and that worked for him. He still was in the club all mornings and afternoons but at least had some quality time once a week with me. Now I pick him up at 3:15pm, we arrive at 4:25pm at my place, he should start kickboxing classes at 5pm and at 6:30pm I need to be in Town A. If they move to Town B, the current Wednesday contact won't be doable. My ex is not allowing for overnight contact on Wednesday. My son is angry at the fact he doesn't have anything to say in this situation, he hates the new school continuously comparing it to "his school" Town A school. He is scared of complaining to his mother because he is scared of shouting. His mother on the other hand greeted him last night, by abusing me and my partner verbally in front of her house, while being completely drunk. Since 2020 she is doing everything to restrict the contact or reduce to minimum/nothing. In the summer I spent 2 weeks with my son, asking for more but she always had excuses about her plans, presenting this to the court, the court believing her, and at the end my son spent 5 weeks in the club of the new school, doing nothing.
In February 2023, the Child Welfare Reporter interviewed my son, who had a number of wishes, one of them was to travel abroad to see our family, that didn't happen as he doesn't have a passport, his mother is preventing him from having passport, she is delaying the application process. Since February 2023 she didn't manage to get a passport for our son. Another wish was to spend more time with me, something that was completely ignored so far.
Today I am thinking about contacting social services, and report not only physical but most importantly emotional abuse of my son. His mother is destroying his life, my son currently has no rights.
I will be grateful for any advice.
Hi,
Sorry to hear this. As child is just 8 his views will not carry heavy weight in the court system. I think if ex does any more school moves in future, then courts would be against that.
With passport issues, you can ask judge if you can apply for passport, or if both parents can contribute to costs. You can seek to take child abroad on holiday, and to have a 3rd week in summer due to this,and for both parents to co-operate with passport issues.
I don't think it's good idea to complain to social services. They will likely tell you to report any concerns in court.