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sleeping arangements help

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tryingdad2boys
(@tryingdad2boys)
Active Member Registered

we are going through a enforcement hearing atm and ex has brought up things to caffcass which are complete lies, one of which is that my 2 boys share a room with my partners son, her son is 10 and mine are nearly 8 and other is 5 we have a triple sleeper in there room, my partners son is on top bunk and my boys share the double on the bottom as they like sleeping together. ex is saying "is disgusting" that they have to share with my partners child. i dont see a issue they are all boys and they have enough room in there for the 3 of them. i dont know why caffcass has raised this as a safeguarding issue , it just says on there report that the boys share a bed and with another child so im not sure if they think they share a single bed here and possibly with a child of the opposite sex which isnt the case.
do my children need there own room? and will courts say they need there own room or they cant stay over ?

please help

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Topic starter Posted : 19/02/2021 3:48 pm
Ferfer
(@Ferfer)
Reputable Member Registered

I can't see why that is an issue? I could understand if one of them was a girl. Could you possibly offer a compromise and get maybe a single bed for the other child and a bunk bed to be used by the other two? Are there any other available rooms at all?

I mean, I shared a bedroom with my brother until i was 14/15. I think this is quite common. I dont understand why it is a concern. Have you called cafcass to ask them if they are actually saying this is a huge concern or not.

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Posted : 19/02/2021 4:12 pm
tryingdad2boys
(@tryingdad2boys)
Active Member Registered

we could easily get a single bed put in there then my boys would share the bunk as they just end up in the same bed as my youngest wont leave my eldest side we thought they would be fine in a double, we are looking at converting the attic so my partners son can move up there and have his own space as hes a little older but that takes time and alot of money that we dont have at the moment as we are going through courts again, i didn't think about ringing caffcass il do that today and see what they say.
caffcass has also advised courts that any contact for the moment needs to be supervised as she has thrown in the drug and alcohol card yet again even though this was proved to be false at court when the order was made, the ex is saying i can have supervised access but has to be at her house with either her or her mother which i dont feel comfortable with as they could make up more accusations, i asked her if there was anyone else and she has said no that is my options so I'm really stuck as what to do i want to see my kids but i cant put myself in that situation where they could accuse me of other things.

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Topic starter Posted : 19/02/2021 4:28 pm
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

hi,

sounds like your ex is being very petty and nit picking. in my hearing I told court that the 3 kids live in a cramped 3 bed council flat. 11 people in total lol. they didn't care.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19/02/2021 5:22 pm
tryingdad2boys
(@tryingdad2boys)
Active Member Registered

iv just rang caffcass to see if the sleeping arrangements is a issue and to raise the supervised contact issue just waiting on a call back which probably wont be anytime soon 🙁

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 19/02/2021 5:37 pm
Ldad
 Ldad
(@ldad)
Estimable Member Registered

Hi,

I am a partner of a separated dad...

I don't think there should be a concern. I'm sure they say once the child turns 8 they shouldn't sleep in the same room with a child of a different sex. My partner's ex is homed through the council and I'm sure when the daughter is 8 the mother will be put on the list to be moved to a 3 bed property as she has a son (nearly 2) and the council housing advices for the children to have separate rooms once the eldest is 8 but she wouldn't be offered this if her youngest child was a girl. I think the concern is only with different sexes and I think at 8 onwards children start to become aware of their bodies, girls can start their periods that young (sorry dads) and I don't know how boys at that age become but obviously that's the reason behind not sharing rooms.

However you have 3 boys so I don't see an issue to be honest. Maybe you should just make it clear that the children do not share beds and they all have their own allocated beds and space within their shared room. Don't be afraid to ask if it is an issue that the boys share with their step brother, you'll only find out the answer or find out what you need to change.

I find it hard to believe the courts will say that you will have to provide an entire room for the stays your sons are with you, I mean being in a similar position, we just can't afford an additional bedroom for every other weekend especially when a perfectly suitable living space is already provided for the child/ren.

I personally wouldn't see the children whilst you are being accused of drugs and alcohol and as you say it leaves you open for further accusations. I would just communicate to the mother that it will not be in the interest of the children or yourself to have supervised contact as she is offering it however you do not want to go without contact and ask for indirect contact to take place until the enforcement hearing is over and request for video calls maybe every other day or twice a week. If the mother refuses to cooperate, it will just show the courts that she is not willing to work with you and you can explain that you didn't want direct supervised contact which you felt would put yourself in a vulnerable position and at risk of further false allegations that would likely cause more conflict.

Good luck!

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Posted : 19/02/2021 6:30 pm
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

do you have an email for them. message them. It's a good idea to use cafcass as a mediator. also gives them first hand experience of what your ex is like.

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Posted : 19/02/2021 6:46 pm
tryingdad2boys
(@tryingdad2boys)
Active Member Registered

i have just msgd the ex to see if her sister would do the supervised visits as I get on with her sister and they be at my house instead, I personally don't see a issue with it but as she's told caffcass that my partners son bullies my boys which is another lie I cant see it happening then i will just have to do down the video call route but even when that happens she just ends up trying to argue with me while I'm trying to speak to them, I feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle its been 4 years now and i just cant see a light at the end of the tunnel 🙁

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Topic starter Posted : 19/02/2021 6:55 pm
tryingdad2boys
(@tryingdad2boys)
Active Member Registered

ex has replyed saying im not going through her sister has to be her mum she said shes spoken to her solicitor and hes told her to deny access till next court date which is a month away even though on the caffcass report said they recommend supervised access for now, looks like theres nothing more i can do till court

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Topic starter Posted : 19/02/2021 7:18 pm
Ferfer
(@Ferfer)
Reputable Member Registered

Does your current arrangement order state supervised visits? It sounds like your ex is being really petty and I hope she is told this when it goes to court!

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Posted : 19/02/2021 8:47 pm
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

ignore what she's stating about living arrangements and beds. It's seems that she is picking on you because you moved on with a new partner and child. hopefully court will ignore this nonsense. you can try ask for video calls in meantime. may be awkward but better than nothing.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20/02/2021 1:38 am
Yoda
 Yoda
(@yoda)
Famed Member

sounds like your Cafcass officer is being a little over-zealous!!

Did you have previous tests for the drug / alcohol allegations and was everything dealt with in a fact finding hearing?

Are Cafcass carrying out a Section 7 Report or is this just the initial Safeguarding Letter for the court?

Do you have a judge or magistrates?

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Posted : 22/02/2021 1:53 pm
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