Social Services After Police Referral
New to the forum, I hope you can help a very distressed dad as we speak.
Keeping the story short-and-sweet: myself and my (now ex) partner had been going through a really rough time given that I was no longer sure whether I wanted to be with her, I often told her how I felt and, over arguments, I would rather leave the house as she wouldn't stop throwing things or shout at me etc. So basically after yet another altercation occurred last week and where again I took the car keys and was heading out just for a drive, she literally grabbed me and dragged me to the floor, unfortunately I did react (only briefly) and hit her in the leg (something that I had never done and I have no justification whatsoever for it). Of course I was very apologetic, even though I told her that we should really think about either a break from it all or go separate ways. She decided to go to her sisters and spend the night there, all good, we even texted each other saying that we should be more mature as we've got a baby (5 months) and all that. The next morning I got the Old Bill storming my house and arresting me over allegations of assault. I was absolutely shocked (was working from home, in the middle of a call!) and, after spending a good 8 hours in a cell, they told me that I would be released on the basis that there's no evidence and also apparently my ex partner had gotten in touch saying "Oh, I didn't want to cause him any troubles". Police was very apologetic and asked me to be kind to my partner and to sort such minor arguments in a different manner.
To the point: social services are now involved and I am scared to death that they will come up with a "nice" order for me to stay away from the baby, mostly given that they will be interviewing my ex partner next week and that, needless to say, she is likely to tell them how bad I am and all that (her family will also add to the cause as they cannot stand me).
I am now in touch with the social worker and told her that I am very worried about my baby's health, being with his mum who clearly has some major mental health issues, she said she will be interviewing me as well.
Any advice, Folks, on how to best handle this?
Again, scared to death about being told to keep away from my 5-months' lad...
It is in your best interests you say nothing bad about your ex. Dont mention her mental health issues and it was just a minor dispute that got out of hand and you are both sorry. police are not taking any action. Last thing you want is social services having 2 parent mudslinging at each other as things will become a lot of worse. If you dont make a big deal out of it they will quickly remove themselves out of the picture
Ta very much, warwickshire1 - wise words.
It sounds like I'll have to calm down a little bit. 10 days now since the mum is kindly preventing me from seeing my baby and it's bloody tough (I appreciate, though, that other dads endured months without seeing their kids...). I am also keeping quiet with contact (text messages/phone calls) as she made it clear that she would call the Police again (harassment) ?
Again, many thanks.
yes it's better to not make contact with ex. SS may make recommendations for contact, but usually they will tell a parent to take legal route to make it official. So you may have to consider this if you want to see your child.
Thanks for the tip, Bill - much appreciated.
If you need to go down the court route, you will have to try mediation. It might be an idea to see whether you could do this anyway.
Thanks very much to you all for taking the time to get back to me and indeed for the very useful responses, particularly the wise words from warwickshire1 (which, indeed, were a winner as social services have already "disappeared").
That said, I thought to leave some feedback which others may find useful or perhaps merely as a "data point".
I had an incredibly positive experience with the social worker further to the above described events: she called me just after visiting my ex partner (and of course my son) and was genuinely nice to interact with. She obviously went through a few (most friendly) questions to start with but she made it very clear that she will not be taking any actions as she believes that we can sort this out between ourselves and she found both the baby and the mum in a very good state (I'm relatively sure my ex partner also decided not to "rub it in"). She also said that she talked to the Police and she has no concerns whatsoever with me seeing the baby whenever I wish (even though she suggested to take it slow for the first few weeks and she encouraged me/us not to argue whilst with the baby). I really liked her friendly/human attitude and she was even concerned about how am I going through this on my own (no family "down south" and of course unable to see friends etc.).
Yet again, many thanks for the advice and guidance.
G (a relieved dad)