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What to do now?

 
DadLad
(@dadlad)
Estimable Member Registered

Hello everyone,

Just a brief summary of my situation,

My ex stopped me and my family from seeing our daughter from 5 day’s old. She will be 7 months old soon. She registered our daughter without me to purposely remove my parental responsibilities.

I agreed to mediation and I cooperated with everything but she would not even consider my suggestions or find a middle ground. Everything had to be done in her way, under her controlling conditions which wasn’t in the best interests of our daughter. So in the end we reached an impasse and mediation was finished.

The next step was to apply to court which I thought was the right way to do things, especially for a Parental Responsibility Order to get my name on the birth certificate, and to apply for a contact order to get fair custody.

It has become financially and mentally draining and I’ve decided not to pursue court any further. The system is already setup against Fathers and Mothers get away with everything and they are allowed to lie and play the system, we are the ones who are left to suffer and the children are affected by all of it.

The system needs to change, parental alienation is a form of child abuse. We spend thousands of pounds to fight to be part of our children's lives to then be offered a demoralising contact centre. Why?

I have no way of contacting her as she has phoned the police for harassment just for sending an email asking to reinstate contact. She has complete control over her whole family so I can’t speak to them either.

Im stuck what to do now, I’m struggling to sleep, I’m stressed and anxious and the heartache is painful, I just want to be part of my daughters life and she can get away with stopping me.

What options do I have now? I can’t just not see my daughter, I can’t just sit back and ignore it. There must be something that I can do, I know that others must have been in a similar situation and offer advice?

 

Thanks in advance:)

 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 28/10/2021 6:44 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

Hi

I'm afraid the only way to force her to cooperate is to go through court, anything else she can simply choose to ignore, as you are already finding out. You can represent yourself, in which case the application fee (and your time) is the only cost, and there are plenty of dads on here who have been through the process on here who will be able to give advice. The system does often seem stacked against the non resident parent, but the courts do promote conact with both parents, so any result may be far from perfect, but it has to be better than what you have (or don't) at the moment.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28/10/2021 9:51 am
DadLad and DadLad reacted
DadLad
(@dadlad)
Estimable Member Registered

@actd 

Thank you for your reply. It’s also paying for a dna test because she will deny I’m the father just to be awkward and delay the process even further. I also believe that she will scream abuse (even though there is nothing to prove it? just to play the system even further. And being put on a domestic abuse awareness course. Average costs for a case are £60k-£90k

This isn’t about our daughter, it’s about punishing me and my family and they are allowed to get away with it. 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 28/10/2021 10:33 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

I presume you aren't paying maintenance, as she can't deny you are the father if she then claims you are for the purposes of maintenance (and you will have to factor in that she can claim this any time in the future, though not backdated).

I'm not sure where you get your average case costs - mine was about £40k around 15 years ago, but that was pretty exceptional as the mother was doing everything possible to increase my costs and not cooperate with the courts - in your case, once you have proved that you are the father (and yes, that will probably involve a DNA test if she denies this), then it is extremely likely that a court will order some form of contact. Any domestic abuse awareness course requirement would need some evidence to back up this is needed, so if the police weren't involved at the time, that's going to be harder for her to insist on. I'm not saying that this won't be an uphill struggle, but it is possible, and if you decide to go ahead with persuing this, then there is plenty of experience on here.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28/10/2021 10:44 am
DadLad
(@dadlad)
Estimable Member Registered

@actd 

Thank you for your advice but I honestly don’t think it’s worth the financial and mental strain. I don’t want to see my daughter at a contact centre, it’s demoralising.

The system is messed up and these people are allowed to get away with this and ruin a child’s life. Parental Alienation is child abuse!

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 28/10/2021 6:53 pm
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

That's a choice you have to make, but even though a contact centre isn't ideal, the courts don't intend them to be a long term solution, they are usually a way to work towards something more meaningful, so it could be worth giving it a try. It also gives you protection against any accusations your ex may make while contact is taking place.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29/10/2021 5:14 pm
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