My current partner wants to go abroad with our little girl and step daughter , but leave my son from a previous relationship at home as he can have behaviour issues and I don’t know what to do , she says I should want to make memories with my other kids and deserve a break but I feel so guilty even thinking about it ?
what can I do
Could you take your son somewhere for a 'boys' holiday?
Hello MancDad,
Thank you for sharing your dilemma. This cannot be an easy situation for you. I understand how you are perhaps feeling torn between wanting all your blended family to be together, but at the same time, it reads as though you are trying to keep your partner happy also.
I have the following thoughts, that you may find useful to consider in helping you to make a decision together with your partner.
To think about:-
You say that your son can have behavioural issues, can you think and perhaps discuss with your current partner exactly what these issues are and why they would stop you from going away together as a family? Is she perhaps afraid of what may happen, or that you both could not cope for example?
Are there any practical steps and arrangements you could put in place for your son, to assist with your holiday being of benefit to all of you, so you don't have to leave your son behind. For example - steps to make the journey easier, if your son needs a plan to help him understand what is going to happen - if he likes routine and predictable outcomes.
As the other post suggests, would you and him be able to do something together at a different time, if all going away together is not an option?
Communication in this situation is key, and mainly this affects yourself and your partner. It's ok for her to have feelings about it, but also you must be able to get across your side of things too. I don't know how much you see your son or if he lives with you, but I think also that if your son has multiple needs and you and your partner spend a lot of time caring for him, it is also understandable that your partner may need a break.
Have you any other trusted family members who you could entrust with your son whilst you were away?
One final thought to think about - would your son feel upset if he was left behind, or could you make his experience into an adventure for him too? Communication again is key with him, you don't say how old he is, but reassurance and openness are very important.
I hope you manage to find the right the solution for your family.
Kind regards,
Parent Support Team