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Daughter - turned on me please help

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(@felix5)
Eminent Member Registered

Hello fellow dads,

 

I am going through court to try and get 50/50. Before this, I have had children alternate weekends and weeks during holidays. Never any problems. 

Since I made the C100 application, ex partner has thrown so much mud at me.

However, now ex has turned my daughter turn on me. Who I once had a great relationship with. 

In what was probably the worst month of my life - my daughter said things about me at school which I all denied.

NFA was taken by social services + police. 

Since ex has stopped me from seeing the children even though social services recommended my daughter and I spend time together.

What's weirder is - that during the social service investigation - daughter and I had been texting and calling normally and she expressed she wanted to see me etc.

That all changed when I sent her a letter (which social services recommended) and since receiving the letter my daughters behaviour has completely changed. The contents of the letter was very simple, just saying I loved her, missed her and couldn't wait to see her. 

Now my daughter is texting me saying leave her alone, saying things like " I ain't upset mate" (not even her language) and being disrespectful. Its' like in the last week she has become a keyboard warrior, I can feel her pain across the texts. I don't engage with her rudeness, I've just say you sound upset, lets talk, help me understand whats going on, I'm here for you etc but she keeps pushing me away. 

It's agony and she won't pick up the phone to talk either. 

So, solicitors have applied for an emergency court hearing to immediately reinstate contact + enforce it, however I have a section 7 report in January which I expect my daughter is going to say terrible things about me.

Honestly feeling a loss right now. The worst part is the mother is doing nothing to encourage or help my daughters relationship with me + I think teaching my daughter bad behavior in the meanwhile. 

 

Does anyone have any advice on what to do or been in a similar situation?

 

Thanks,

Tired + Struggling Dad 

 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 04/12/2023 4:28 pm
(@bill337)
Illustrious Member

Hi,

Sorry to hear that your going through this. Have cafcass interviewed you yet? They should look into any allegations of alienation. Their section 7 report will be very important.

Listen to this: dealing with PA

https://youtu.be/PBTRaoTm8B4?si=5uyHgxhxQirxTrWY

ReplyQuote
Posted : 04/12/2023 9:14 pm
(@felix5)
Eminent Member Registered

Hi,

 

Thank you for your response. I have had initial cafcass safeguarding interview with them - no concerns were found on both sides.

Speaking to them for section 7 report in January, then they will speak to children shortly after. 

 

I agree with alienation but apparently, it is very hard to prove in the court. Do you have any advice? 

 

Thanks 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 05/12/2023 3:43 pm
(@bill337)
Illustrious Member

@felix5 I suggest you leave it to cafcass to look into alienation. when they interview you for section 7, you can tell them all your concerns. see:

https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/parent-carer-or-family-member/applications-child-arrangements-order/how-your-family-court-adviser-makes-their-assessment-your-childs-welfare-and-best-interests/alienating-behaviours

tips for talking to Cafcass: http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/tipsmeetingcafcass.html

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 05/12/2023 9:34 pm
(@felix5)
Eminent Member Registered

Thanks for all the advice and links.

Appreciate it. 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 06/12/2023 6:34 pm
Clarinet
(@clarinet)
Estimable Member Registered

Hello Felix5,

Whilst I can't offer any advice on the legal side of things, I felt upon reading your post that I should encourage you by saying that I think all that you have done in reaching out to your daughter has been excellent. You are trying to be understanding, sympathetic to her feelings and ignoring as much as possible the negative behaviour coming from her "keyboard". Unfortunately you are unable to witness or have any control over what happens when she is with her Mum, but you do have control over how you act, and what you say and do for your daughter. It reads like you are trying your very best to make a difficult situation more manageable and attempting to heal a relationship that's broken down between yourself and your daughter.

I would encourage you to keep communication with your daughter, even if she replies in a manner that you find upsetting, doing what you are already doing, and letting her know you are there for her when she is ready to say what's on her mind. 

Your daughter may  be experiencing conflicting emotions, if she is receiving negative talk from her Mum about you, then to makes it difficult for her, and even if she doesn't believe all that is being said, it will be difficult for her to hear the said things. You can be in control of how you present yourself  - being as you are - keep communicating, use the help and services that are offered to you and keep believing that one day your daughter will have a restored relationship with you. 

I wish you well in the Section 7 case and I hope you get the emergency court hearing you wanted. One day at a time, if it helps to get things out of your mind before you go to sleep, write a journal, or a list. Perhaps even keep a note of one positive thing that happens in your day, and by the end of the week you will have seven positive phrases.

I wish you and your daughter well,

Parent Support.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/01/2024 3:39 pm
(@felix5)
Eminent Member Registered
 

Thank you for encouraging me to persist in my efforts. I've continued to stay on course and explained the situation to CAFCASS during the Section 7 report. 

I'm now in the waiting phase, and I'll have to see how things unfold. It's been tough, especially with her mother now putting an order in to remove all contact with my daughter. Despite the challenges, I still remain positive. Because without hope, what's the point? 

I am choosing to remain hopeful, understanding that what will be, will be. Your reminder to focus on the things I can control resonated.

It's a reassurance that, ultimately, I have the reins of my own life.

Best regards,

Less Stressed Dad

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 17/01/2024 3:19 pm
Clarinet and Tommy92 reacted
(@tommy92)
Active Member Registered

hang in there felix

you've been through a tough time and all you can do is your best for your daughter.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18/01/2024 10:32 pm
(@felix5)
Eminent Member Registered

@tommy92 Thanks Mate - appreciate it

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 19/01/2024 3:23 pm
Tommy92 reacted
(@felix5)
Eminent Member Registered

@tommy92 Thanks Mate - appreciate it

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 19/01/2024 3:23 pm
Tommy92 reacted
(@felix5)
Eminent Member Registered

@tommy92 Thanks Mate - appreciate it

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 19/01/2024 3:23 pm
Clarinet
(@clarinet)
Estimable Member Registered

@felix5 hello - that’s very encouraging to read. Thank you for letting me know. Onwards and upwards. 
Best regards 😊

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/01/2024 5:16 pm
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