Firstly im not sure where to put this post,
I found out my wife was having an affair and asked her to leave last oct 2011, she left taking the kids with her, 2 step lads of 10 years aged 15 and 16, and my own 2 aged 7 and 8,
I used to work away from time to time, stopping overnight in the uk, i found out and she admitted it, that whilst i was away, or out on my thursday out with the lads, or even whilst i was at work, her lover would be at mine, therefore the children knew for 6 months prior that mother was seeing another man, they had even told their friends that they were leaving, as she had planned to set up home with her lover, although i find it totally unbelievable that a mother would put her children in that predicament, i am finding it extremely hard to bond with my own 2 children now aged 8 and 9, they are smart kids and were fully aware of what was happening, yet said nothing to me,
i am finding myself getting angry although i have never portrayed this to my children when i have them every other week, when i approached my separated wife she still denies she did any wrong, this infuriates me more, more so she has told all our friends that it was i that was unreasonable and she left on her accord, they all believe her,
a week after she left, the first night my car was off the drive a fire was started and the property severly smoke damaged, i find out that she had cancelled the house insurance a week earlier, yet it is I who now has a conviction, this is bearing heavy on my mind and i feel my mental health slipping, I really dont know how to get over my building hatred, towards all in this matter including my own children, im not a violent person and have always forgiven than hate, but its turning me into someone im not, im still living in the smoke damaged property, after managing to decorate a bedroom to live in, i have no money after mortgage is paid, bills and the debts the wife left me with, i survive on 2 or 3 meals a week, and have to borrow money to feed the kids when they stop, they are unaware of this, i really dont know what to do.
wombilly,
Thanks for posting. I am really sorry to hear that your marriage has ended. You must have gone through a really tough time.
First thing I want to mention is your anger towards your children - it's great that you don't think they are aware of it, but you need to remember that no matter how smart they are at Seven and Eight they really wouldn't have understood what was going on really they wouldn't. Even if they had known what was going on they would not have had the emotional maturity to have spoken to you about what was happening. It sounds a little as your anger is misplaced and I think you know that really.
It's great that you are able to discuss the anger you are feeling. I can't imagine how difficult you situation must be - but I would imagine that you are feeling fairly isolated at the moment.
Do you get to see your kids regularly ? Do you still have a relationship with your step kids ?
As you appear to be having issues with your finances I will ask our friends at the Consumer Credit Counselling Service to pop by and offer some advice. They can talk to you about a debt management plan and how to deal with creditors so you have enough money to live on.
Are you and your wife separated or divorced ?
One thing you have mentioned that I think you may need to sort out is your mental state. It sounds like it may be an idea to have a chat with your GP. If you feeling like everything is getting on top of you at the moment, your not coping well and you can't see it getting any better then please have a chat with your doctor. You won't be wasting their time and they should be able to help you.
Check out our article Chased by the black dog for some advice.
Keep posting.
Gooner
Just to let you know - I have deleted your other post as it was an exact copy of this one.