I have a 3 year old daughter who I love dearly but for some odd reason I am scared of looking after her on my own. When I and my GF was working, my daughter would go to her Nans for the day and we would pick her up after workk. However I am now unemployed (have been for 2 and half years now), so we both go up to her Nans and I help look after her up there. Which is ok, until for some reason or another, I have to look after her for the day on my own. I panic and somehow manage to dodge it. I know this sounds terrible and pathetic, but I just can't help it. I just have not got the self-esteem or self confidence to look after her on my own. She is very energetic, very needy (at the mo, as in she wants your attention every second), at the moment she can get quite naughty and she knows she can wrap me around her little finger, so she plays me up worse than anyone else. Sometimes, she even says she wants to stay with me for the day which is heartbreaking for me as I know that I just can;t do it ! I would love to be able to stay with her for the day on my own, but I'm too scared she's going to play up fopr me too much and I wont be able to settle her down. Maybe it's because I haven't done it before but I should be able to do it. Im her dad and I should be able to do it. Its making me feel really inferior as a dad. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.
Hi there,
Talking about it is a great step forward and it shows you are willing to do something about it! Have you tried talking to your GF about it and maybe Nan too? You could then have a go at being on your own with your little girl with back up if needed....start with an hour or so and slowly extend the time you are on your own with her, before you know it, you will be an old hand at it....
Fears are normal for all of us but they can be overcome...and often once dealt with, you will wonder what you were worrying about in the first place!
It sounds to me that you are a great Dad and put a lot of thought into it...3 year olds are very demanding and if they see a chink in the armour they can take full advantage of it. Just make sure she has lots of activities on hand, they love painting and making things with a parent, but if she is naughty you must be firm in a kind and consistent way. How about the naughty step....I used to put mine outside the door and tell them that they could come back in when they stopped being naughty. Within minutes it would go quiet and the door would slowly open and a little head peek round... I would ask if they were going to stop being naughty, always calmly (It never helps to shout!) They would nod and usually things were back on track...I would do this everytime they had a tantrum and it worked...I'm sure there are lots of stratergies for dealing with tantrums! This one worked for me!
You could try joining a mother and toddler group, they love dads to attend and you would get lots of support and advice and your little girl would learn how to socialize with other children of her own age.
Good luck with everything and try not to worry too much, we all feel inadequate from time to time its, normal!
Ofcourse its very difficult for us to look after a child at our own :huh: . I guess God has granted some extra stamina to females to handle tha kids. Kids normally feel very happy with kids of their own age group. You could bring her to play somewher or enjoy with kids.
Haha Jen, possibly extra stamina, or perhaps if you can deal with living with a man, then living with a child is easy after that 😀 Personally, I don't know how my wife manages living with me :whistle:
well done for posting and bringing your fears forward it could of been easier to say nothing and panicked after the dhild was in your care and have something you felt you could of not coped with.
as many fathers will tell you you children are not easy work as you said the energy and time you have to put in is emence.
but look at it this way the return you get out ways your fears and cocerns you may be feeling now.
if you ask most dads on here what they do most you will find have a kind of rota they like to do
like breakfast then wash up and change
do activitys and as mentioned in earlier posts find places like toddler groups or family meeting days in your area and you will soon start to get in the swing of things
you'll also find being unemployed does not stop your child from loving you and please don't snap or shout at them remeber they don't understand whats happing to you they just see their dad and you need to give them a positive feeling when they stay with you
please post if you have any quierys we could possibly help with and how you got on mate
think about it... what would you say is the bit you fear the most
changing wet nappies?
not knowing what is wrong when she cries?
cleaning after her?
her just being boisterous?
feeding?
fear of her getting hurt?
there must be a trigger factor because I am sure you will be able to deal with most of the issues
It is when there is a particular issue you cannot deal with that tends to spill into others making you feel inadequate
remember there is no dictionary in child upbringing
whatever the issue is try and apply it with your daughter when your GF is around and see take lead from her opinion it may make you more comfortable in knowing you are doing the right thing
One more thing your being unemployed for some time does tend to put a huge stress on your coping mechanism so i wont be too worried if I were you
Good luck
The mother can be the father, but the father could not be a mother. But at least you've tried, you really need to set a time for your baby, try to bring her into the place where she can play to another children.