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Child Maintenance and Access Issues

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Hi Everyone!  This could be a long one, but here goes!  Would appreciate andy guidance or advice on this matter.

When me and the ex-wife seperated we came up with an amicable plan that I would pay Child maintenace and have to boys over a few nights a week.  I have always tried to pay on time but there has been occasions where i had to delay payment but generally she has always got the maintenance.  Also covered extras like school uniform, school trips and other odds and ends along the way.  Never at any point i have not wanted to pay Child maintenance, I understand my role as a father to my two boys.  However keeping up with payments has always been a struggle as im self employed and owning and upkeeping a flat. 

My work van became ununsable approximately 4/5 weeks ago and was financially not viable to get it fixed so became "unemployed".  I let the ex-wife know and told her i was searching for a job.  I have managed to get a job as a bus driver but am still waiting for my provisional PSV licence to come through the DVLA before i can officially start training and earning a wage.  So i currently owe her 4/5 weeks of maintenance and for the last few weeks she has been demanding i find the money from somewhere and pay it.  I explained to her I just havent got the money to give you right at this moment.  She went ballistic and basically said because im not fulfilling my role and a dad and keeping a roof over their heads and said i would not be able to see the boys until iv paid this money. 

I have tried the amicable route and explained fully the situation but she just wants the money which i havent got to give her.  Its never been about not wanting to pay, its just that i cant!  I explained to her no matter what goes on between us, its not fair on the boys to deny access.  But she wont budge!

I understand from her situation that she needs to pay bills etc but i cant magic up the money from nowhere.  I have since given up the flat and moved back with my mother and she has been supporting me the last few weeks.  Any advice on how i can get the ex wife to see my side and let me see the boys would be fantastic.  I dont really want to have to go to court as i dont have the money at the moment to pay for it.  She sent me a message saying she is going to contact the CSA but i know they dont deal with back pay and she will get less than i was curerntly paying.  Thanks in advance for any help or advice.

Topic starter Posted : 04/03/2024 3:40 pm
Illustrious Member


Yes its very unfair for her to stop you seeing the kids over money. With court, contact and finances are treated as 2 separate issues. Sounds like you would be better off paying through CMS if she opens a claim. If you will get benefits like universal credit, you would be able to make court application for free if you use a help with fees form.

With right guidance you can self represent and no need for costly legal bills.feel free to get in touch if you need advice. Sent you a private message.

Posted : 05/03/2024 3:51 pm

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