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Children live abroad

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Hi, looking for some advice as I cannot seem to get a straight answer using search engines.


My ex moved abroad 4 years ago, 3 weeks after we split, and I have been paying for my 2 children through bank transfer as we have a private arrangement. They are aged 12 and 9.

My ex has for the last 3 years has refused to bring my children back over to the UK to see me and their family as I quote 'it is not her responsibility' even though part of our agreement was that she would at least bring them back twice a year as a bare minimum. She did uphold her part of the agreement for the first year until the year had passed and I was no longer able to get her for abduction as she gave me no alternative other than to let them live there. (I was in a very bad place when this all happened and feel as though I was taken advantage of however I have since come to terms with the fact that I severely f×*$Ed up by not taking her to court straight away) 

Anyway, i currently do my best to get over to see them whenever I can however with the cost of living sky rocketing I can only just manage to get there about twice a year for a week each time. The cost of this including flights, accommodation, car hire, as I have to abide their schedules and public transport is practically none existent in said country, and food ect is around 1500 per visit. 

My ex is now demanding I give her more money which I simply just cannot afford, I have a baby on the way and bills to pay to survive. Now I have tried to look at how much I would be paying if she went through CSA which I am assuming she can as she is still classed as a British citizen however the online calculators are so basic I am unsure if the cost of me going to see my children would be taken account of.

Would anyone have any advice on this situation as i do want to provide the best I can for them but find it so difficult as she restricts mu every move and conversation with them. Plus I would like to be able to see them more than I currently do but have no way or forcing her to bring them home to see me.

I'm really at my wits end as I miss my kids so much and feel as though they don't really care for me the same way due to the lack of time I spend with them.

Topic starter Posted : 04/02/2023 3:39 pm
Illustrious Member


If you were paying through CMS system, if you wanted to claim flight/hotel expenses for child contact e.g £1,500 cost, CMS would deduct this amount from your annual gross salary, then recalculate your maintenance payments again, so you would pay slightly less.

You could do this for your private arrangement. CMS arrangements are very difficult to enforce where a parent lives abroad. She could try but will probably face big delays if successful.

You could also use that cms calculator to factor in the 1 other child your going to support. Will give you little reduction.

Posted : 05/02/2023 4:11 pm

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