My 2 girls (8 & 10) live with mum and are with me 4 nights every fortnight. nothing on paper - Family-Based Arrangement agreed in mediation.
I pay the correct amount as per Child Maintenance to mum via direct debit every month.
Mum is now asking for extra money to help cover school uniform (£40), broken shoes (£15), swimming lessons (£90 a term each child) and brownies (£35 term each child). I don't want to appear unsupportive but I really have very little income and struggle with this. She of course receives child benefit too.
Shouldn't the money I pay already include school uniform as part of day to day costs? I know £55 isn't a great deal however I don't want to set the precedent of being a doormat and open the floodgates.
She arranged swimming and brownies herself with no discussion..yet I'll appear unsupportive if I don't share costs and also indirectly cause animosity.
Help! I just don't know what to do. I Really don't want things to go more formal and end up having to shoulder costs I simply can't manage..
Unfortunately, there are really only two choices, and that informal or formal. If the informal arrangement isn't working, and you think she won't agree to just leaving the payments as they are, then if she is likely to open a case with CMS, I would recommend that you do that first (costs £20) as you then have the control in future as to when the case is closed. As far as CMS is concerned, what they calculate you pay covers everything, so you are not expected to pay beyond this, and your ex can't expect or insist that you do.
The question really is whether you can explain to your ex that you simply can't afford any extra, and whether she would accept that.
hi,
are you just using the CMS calculator to work out payments or are you going through CMS?
Hi
CMS is there to cover the essentials (not brownies, swimming etc). It's arguable whether it even covers school uniform. However, if your ex hasn't included you in the decision making process then it's not fair. I would suggest maybe offering a proportion towards costs based on the same % of salary CMS is taking but make it clear that you are not setting a precedent for future expenses.. You could offer to pay for half of one of the classes etc..
Legally your obligation stops at paying the CMS amount only, the rest is up to you. Even if she goes to CMS you wont be made to pay anymore.
All the best.
@Daddyup Thank you very much - I really appreciate this...