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How to prove number of nights children are with me

Trusted Member Registered

Have had a private agreement for years, but ex now wants to go through cms.. 

Court order states children are with me for 3 nights per week, but I child has recently dropped a night every other week, so she thinks that means she should get more, unfortunately shes been manipulated with more maintenance a motivation for ex, but thats another story. 

Anyway, contact in school holidays is still 50/50 (and court states this too) so overall I am just in 2-3 nights per week over a whole year.

But ex will lie and manipulate to cms about this, question is how do we actually prove how many nights they spend with me? Especially when there is different plans for term and non-term time.. There is also flexibility sometimes, extra nights here and there.. 

I also make voluntary payments for school stuff, trips, clubs. Seems like she doesn't get a bad deal currently. 

I also make no deductions from my income for pension payments, think I could do? 


Topic starter Posted : 13/06/2024 11:10 pm
Illustrious Member


You should send your court order to CMS and let them decide on the shared care overnights, they average it out for the year. CMS should take your pension contributions into account when they work out your payments. If you pay into private pension, you should let them know.

I recommend you join this support group for paying parents:


Posted : 14/06/2024 5:36 pm
aj2016 reacted
Active Member Registered

Similar problem here.

Have a private arrangement to have children every fortnight over the weekend. Holidays and other events shared equally (in theory, of course) by both parents. Now seeing a claim that overnight stays have decreased, but I am not aware of any changes at all to the ongoing agreed pattern.

How can it go below 52 nights/year if that's the standard for a year for us in addition to the extra days already agreed at the beginning of the year? Also, with the shared equal-care arrangement, I expect to have even more stays in the next 6 months - Christmas time etc. The only way this will not work is if the other party physically refuses to hand over the children.

I have already submitted my figures and agreement on flexibility of additional days and signed agreement between both parents.

Anything I should start working on already? as I have a feeling this is some kind of manipulation.

This post was modified 1 month ago 2 times by Billy_1
Posted : 15/06/2024 12:15 pm
Trusted Member Registered

Well I actually spoke to cms last week and said how do they decide if one parent saying the children stay a different number of nights to the other, they told me they would take the lower amount!

How ridiculous and unfair! 

Topic starter Posted : 15/06/2024 8:54 pm
Illustrious Member

@aj2016 : What if we can’t reach agreement about shared care?


A: If both parents agree in principle that care of a qualifying child or children is shared, but can’t agree on the number of nights, we may make an assumption of shared care of one night a week. This is called ‘assumed shared care’.
This means we reduce the amount of child maintenance that must be paid for that child by 1/7th.
This decision will not change unless both parents reach an agreement on shared care or a parent gives us proof to show that the number of nights of shared care is different. We always ask for proof of shared care before making an assumed shared care decision.
Posted : 16/06/2024 9:12 pm

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