Hi everyone,
Please please please help! (If you can!)
Brief overview (but have detailed account of situation if anyone would like it!):
German Ex girlfriend became pregnant, she stayed with me in the UK the majority of the time but wasn't a resident. She left me after only a few weeks of finding out she was pregnant due to her wanting to continue to smoke marajuana throughout the pregnancy.
She then proceeded to demand money from me, sending me receipts and saying just pay my expenses.
I flew to Germany to try and resolve/agree on moving forward once baby was born and also support her for the two month around the pregnancy due date. she refused to meet with me or talk to me even though she knew i was coming. She requested me to attend an appointment that was in German and all German documents but refused to explain what it was. I flew home asking she let me know when in labour.
Two weeks after the baby was born she text me telling me and also had changed the name. She refused to send pictures and details to me or my family and asked that we leave her alone and not contact her again. Telling me it was better that i was out of their lives.
I couldn't cope anymore - I ended up being signed off of work with depression, severe fatigue and stress and made the hardest decision to step back.
She is now claiming maintenance for the baby (which i have no issue with obviously!) but apparently i have to support her as well?! This, due to my earnings equates to thousands a month! Plus apparently, she's entitled to a percentage of my shares and pensions and capital from house sale. Is that honestly right?! Her lawyers are going for everything and wanting all info on my accounts and salary etc. She will end up having more money than me each month! She is also still being paid fully as works from home and best friends with her boss so he's paying her on the sly but claiming she's losing money! Surely at some point, people need to accept the responsibilities for their own actions and the implications of that decision. Not be enabled to make their lives easier and others suffer?
Really hope you can help!
What do i do?!
Dunc
Hi again everyone!
This is actually the first part of the story that didn't get sent for moderation or some reason.
I have created an additional post, named: GERMAN MAINTENANCE PAYMENTS FOR EX GIRLFRIEND WHO LEFT ME IS LIKELY TO RUIN ME!
The pre-story is that i have reasonable doubt due to my ex's behaviour and time of conception that a court has agreed justifies a DNA test being allowed to be ordered. So currently, i am not the Father and i've not signed anything as advised by my German Lawyer.
The Ex's solicitor though, have instructed me to provide all Financial documents such as proof of earnings and investments for the past 3 years by 26th May 2023. Failure to do this will result in me being sued under the act of withholding information. My Ex however is not having to provide this. More to the point though - It's still not decided whether i am the Father! Until then, i feel very uncomfortable providing such personal information with out knowledge i am the Father first but also because it could be used agains to calculate the maintenance amount. (Again, i have no issue with providing for my child is it turns out to be mine!) Especially as she is not being expected to provide the same.
1) Do i have to provide information such as this whilst still not knowing if i am the Father?
2) Do i have to provide this information when the Ex isn't? I have seen multiple websites stating that both parties need to make the declaration of earnings etc. Are her solicitors just trying to full a fast one?
3) Am i right in saying that no enforcement can be made within the UK without an application to the UK Court because of REMO and that application requires declaration from both sides? (Hague agreement may is it i read?)
I am torn between providing the information without fully knowing if i am the Father, but also if she isn't because i know for a fact, she is being paid more than she says. I dont want to seem like i am not cooperating and also don't want to end up with money all of a sudden being taken from wages etc.
Please let me know - Many thanks as always!
Dunc
Hi,
Am not sure how system works in Germany, suggest you seek legal advice about process there.
Here is some info about REMO:
https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad/other-partner-lives-abroad
You may be being bullied by the German lawyers. If a court ordered you to proved the information, fair enough. However, they are quoting laws at you that may not be strictly accurate. If you have the funds, perhaps you could get advice from a different German lawyer just so you know the proper situation
I would get advice from a UK solicitor also, a German solicitor will know the law in Germany, but may not know how that applies to UK residents. I certainly can't see that you would need to provide maintenance for her, just your child, and you want DNA evidence to prove that you are the father.
@champagne Thank you for your reply and sorry it's taken me a long time to respond. It's been a tough few weeks as i am facing losing a lot. What she seems to be entitled to is just bordering on insane. As well as thousands (and i mean thousands!) of pounds a month in maintenance for her (we were never married!) she's also entitled to pensions, shares, investments, equity in my house if i sell it, half my redundancy pay, the list goes on. I'm literally having to sell my house and try and transfer my parents house that is in my name back over to them before she can take any of that as well.
The court has ordered this documentation but it was done before the court ordered a DNA test. I am therefore asking the court to postpone this order until after parentage has been confirmed. My German lawyer is useless but he's the only one out of nearly 30 i contacted that would take my case and that's still the story. I have en English lawyer too and he's great but he's saying that UK courts just basically enforce the order, no matter how differing the calculation is and unfair the situation is.
Words do not comprehend how destroyed i feel and the anger i have due to the unjust laws that exist.