Thanks mojo ,
That was a great advice,
Unfortunately contact is cancelled for tomorrow and most likely to be next week don't know when yet ,
The contact will be at cafcass office as they have a play room there.
I really hope it will go well .
Will keep you updated ,
Many thanks again.
You’re welcome, keep us posted.
Hello again guys,
Had my 2nd meeting with cafcass today but this time was me and my son and cafcass officer who will do the s7 report at cafcass office.
My son is 2 years and 4 month,
My son spent 30 minutes with his mum and then me and my son for 1 hour and then my son and his mum again for another 30 minutes ,
My 1 hour with my son went really well,
I brought him lots of winter clothes, Toy , fresh fruits ,juice and chocolate ,
He was happy to have some raspberries,
He had his juice and chocolate , and I helped him to eat some with him as I didn't want to him to eat alot of things not to get a bad belly,
We had fun playing and drawing we were laughing alot and that but suddenly he called his mummy And went towards the door as he knew that his Mummy was at the other room or he knew she is at the building still but i tried to interact with him and I told him after we finish we will go to Mummy then he said ( ok),
I have been seeing him in contact centre nearly 7 month now and never called for him mum but today he did, I thought maybe because he knew she is in the building but at the contact centre he knows that she left,
He called for his Mummy maybe twice during the hour but when I quitly told him later we will go to Mummy then he said ok Daddy .
He didn't cry or was upset or anything,
I felt that might be not good for the child to call for hismummy while he is with his Daddy??
What do you think what cafcass will think about that ?
Rather than that I think the contact was fine we were playing , eating , drawing and laughing for the whole hour,
He is just 2 years and 4 months and bless him he doesn't stop calling me DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY .
I really hope I will get a good report although my case is quite complicated ,
My next hearing will be by the end of this month .
Cafcass officer said she is waiting to receive the judgment ( we done fact finiding hearing few month ago ) from the court and then she will be able to finish her report ,
To remind you my ex said that last year I planned our family holiday and I planned to leave our son at my country without her consent ,which is a sort of abduction
The judge finding was ( that I didn't plan it but i put pressure on my ex to leave our son in my country)
So basically the finding not 100 % on my side and I honestly didn't have the intention to leave our son away or put any pressure on her to leave him in my country with my parents,
I told them I thought we agreed about that and if my ex wants him back then we bring him straight away and then we brought him back straight away at the time .
But now the finding said that I put pressure on her leaving our son abroad with my family at his second home which was a sort of abduction I think
Now my ex is claiming that I can issue a new passport of his second nationality and will take him outside the country , and of course I will not do that and I gave cafcass emails between me and my embassy asking them to stop me from issuing passport for my son which my embassy agreed about it as mentioned at my previous posts ,
And also asked them to make a prohibited steps order against me not to travel with my son
I don't really know what else to do,
Is any one can expect what will be in cafcass report in terms of my story ????
Do you think my problem has a solution to be able to see my son unsupervised and come and live with me 2.or 3 days a.week ???
This giving me so much stress you can't imagine.
Many thanks Dads .
I think that all sounds good, the fact he called for mummmy a couple of times won’t have too much of an effect, it was more important for the officer to see how you handled it, and you did the right things, distracted him and gave him reassurance.
As far as removing him, or getting a second passport, you have addressed these issues as best you can.
There's no way of knowing what the report will say, it sounds like you have done your best to show that you are a loving father and want to work with everyone involved, to provide a safe and caring environment to see your son and continue to develop the close bond that you both have.
It might be helpful if you prepare a schedule of increasing contact, suggesting that to begin with you move away from the centre, seeing him for half days for a short while, then full days and then one overnight...building it up slowly so that your son gets used to each little increase, before moving to the next step.
Best of luck
Thank you Mojo,
I have done the schedule in a piece of paper for me and printed it to suggest it to the cafcass officer during the interview and by the end of the interview she asked if she can take these papers where I made notes and where I put the suggested contact,
I have said that we can start by half days twice a week for a short while and then move to full days twice a week and then if my my son is happy and getting on then we can have overnight stay aswell and then if he is completely happy then I want fair and equal contact and I proposed to have him 3 days a week once he is settled and happy with me .
I also suggested in worse cases if there is no trust yet that he can come And stay with me alone , someone from my ex family can come And stay with us at my house or outside or where ever we go I don't really mind I said just to reassure them it's not my intention to take him away at all.
I really hope my report will be ok and thank you so much MOJO for your help ,
I will keep everyone here updated once I hear any news from cafcass.
Thank you again
You’re welcome, fingers crossed it all goes well for you.
Hello every one,
I have an update from cafcass,
I had my last phone interview with them today before they finish section 7 report ,
They have read the judge judgment about me and my ex if we agreed to leave our son in my country or I put pressure on my ex to leave our son there,
And as I mentioned before the judge said that he found that I put a pressure on my ex to leave our son in my country and this wasn't appropriate to do so,
My ex concern now is flight risk and she is worried I will take him and get out the country ,
That is why as I mentioned before I asked my embassy to stop me from issuing a passport for him which cafcass officer said this was very helpful and a positive move from me,
I still seeing my son supervised every 2 weeks.
Cafcass said she saw me with my son and contact was lovely and she see that I have alot to offer my son in his life ,
She said she wants to move things forward but if she recommend to the court to increase the contact my ex will not follow it and that will cause lots of trouble to her with the court and it will not be nice,
She told me if we can't get her (my ex) on board you will not have agood relationship with your son ,
Her proposal was to take 6 month ( domestic abuse perpetrator programme ),she told me don't think alot about the name but think that this course will move the contact forward for you and your son( I want you to understand that you did put pressure on your ex leaving your son at your country and this was stressful for her and I want you after the course to tell me I know that was harmful and stressful for her ) and at the meantime contact to move from supervised contact centre to supported contact centre as it's free but it's still once every 2 weeks 2 or 3 hours I think,
And she said they never increase contact untill after the half period of the course which is 3 month.
She said she will inform my ex that in the future Iam going to spend more time with my son without other people being with us and that I need to rebuild trust with my ex again but i will only be able to do that by spending time with my son and bringing him back to his mother again ,
She said no one said to my ex yet that it's Likely to happen that me and my son are likely to spend time together unsupervised ,
She said it's gonna be a big shock to her on Monday when i ( cafcass)call her and tell her that ,
and she will need abit of time after that to think about it
I told her it's been a year already ,
She said you waited alot and I know it's another 6 month but it's coming to final soon,
I told her but how will I take my son if I can't get him any passports,
Her answer was it's not impossible for children to be abducted by diffrent names and diffrent passport and she said she knows I will not do that and she believes me and that we need to reassure my ex
I think that is all what happened in the phone interview,
I think the cafcass lady trying to help but i really expected better than that,
I don't know if this programme is actually a good idea or it will just delay things for another 6 month to be able to have my son at my house ,
What if I finish the programme and then my ex still not agree to increase contact and to see my son unsupervised and come for over night,
What do you Think guys?
Are things going the right away or it could of been better than that?
Is it positive thing from cafcass to put those recommendation or it's not ??
I would appreciate your help of what you think and what I should do
Many thanks in advance
Hi there
I think it’s a difficult one for you, I don’t entirely agree with the Cafcass officer, but if she is going to recommend the course in her report and the court agrees to it, you won’t have a lot of choice.
Here’s a link to a little more information about it
Because of the mothers attitude towards you, contact will continue to be difficult, perhaps the officer is hoping that she will see all the effort you are putting in and change the way she feels towards you.
All the best
Hi Mojo ,
Thank you for your answer
Why you not agree with the cafcass officer ??
Do I have the right to say to the court or cafcass I don't want to take this course ??
Or should I say I am happy to take this course ??
I don't really know
I didn't wish to go through this course and wait another 6 month,
I felt cafcass wanted to help really but this was her recommendation ,
Do I have to agree with it ??
Or is there any thing I can mention to them?
Cafcass officer told me that she will inform my ex that in the future I will be seeing my son unsupervised ,
And moving contact from supervised contact to supported contact do you Think it's positive and little step forward ????
Is there anything I can do ??
I really don't know if I have to accept what cafcass telling me about what she will write at her report or I can disagree with her??
Do you have any idea what should j do ???
Thank you again
Hi there
I said I didn’t completely agree...I can see what the Cafcass officer is trying to do, but I think it’s a bit hard on you. I think because the judge found against you, she is trying to balance this with trying to move things forward.
Of course you can tell the court that you’re not happy with the findings, but they may see that as you not accepting the judges findings and not wanting to work with them... as I said you’re in a difficult situation.
Moving contact from supervised to supported is a step forward and going in the right direction, I understand that you feel it is unfair that you have to wait another 6months, but if you refuse it could be a lot longer. It is impossible to predict what might happen, or what the court will decide.
I think the best thing you can do is to put forward good reasons why you think contact can be moved forward, the actions you have already taken to put things right and the fact that the report is positive about your relationship with your son and how you wish to work hard on that. That you feel a 6 month course would slow this down and not be in the interests of your child.
However if it comes down to it and the court orders this course to happen, you will have to comply to move it forward, it’s just going to take more time to get to where you want it to be.
All the best
I think the best thing you can do is to put forward good reasons why you think contact can be moved forward,
How to put those good reason??
In a statement and file it to the judge after receiving s7 report and before my next hearing??
Or I should just speak up with the judge during the hearing and tell him my reasons??
What is the best option?
I really have a feeling that cafcass officer wants to help me alot and wants to move contact forward ,
Do I have to beleive them and trust what they are saying ?
Because she told me that she will tell my ex that contact will be unsupervised in the future but my ex needs time to accept that and trust me,
Will this course sound really badone in the future if I take it ??
Or actually will somthing good to have it ?
I don't know what is their point by taking the course she said ( you will learn about controlling and about making decisions)
I am not with my ex anymore so why that will matter to learn about controlling and making decisions when my ex wife concern is flight risk ?
I can't really understand,
To learn from what happened in the past?? But how will that benefit me and my son in the future ??
Do you have any idea mojo??
Thank you so much for your help mojo
Once you have the report, you can email the court and ask them for permission to file a response to it. Hopefully they would agree.
You can also write your points down and when you are asked if theres anything you would like to say, you can read it out and explain that you e written your response down because you are nervous and don't want to forget anything.
It not possible for me to tell you what to do, I don't know all the details of your case and I'm not legally trained, I can just give you basic advice and try and support you, but the decisions must be yours.
If you have worries about the course, talk to the Cafcass officer about it, ask her if taking the course would effect things in the future.
At the end of the day, if the court orders that you must attend the course, it's what you will have to do to make the contact with your child move forward.
We have had members in the past that have had to take the course, when they have not done the things that their ex said, but like you the judge believed the ex.
Try not to worry about the things you can't change, and concentrate on putting forward the best case that you can. Worrying about the future won't change it, but it will make it even harder for you right now.
All the best