Hi,
Until recently in August of this year I had a really strong relationship with my son (12) and daughter (10). I had them to stay for the last 2 weeks of the school holiday. I took them away on holiday and have always done my best to give the them the best time I can when they are with me. I don't get to spend much time with them as they live 250 miles away from me so I was seeing them once a month.
When the children where with me and the time was coming closer for me to take them back home, they kept asking if they could stay longer, so I knew they had a really good time.
A couple of days after dropping the children off back to their mum, I received a text message from my ex saying she had just caught my son trying to access an adult material website. My ex has then said my son told her he had been on my computer while staying with me, and gone through the history and come across this web page. Nothing at all was mentioned to myself by my son while he was here. My ex has called me an unfit parent and she feels she can no longer trust that my children are safe when they are visiting me.
I have tried calling the children with no success, and I have tried texting my ex to see if the children are home and when is the best time to phone. I get a reply from her saying "yes, there here but they don't want to speak to you and I'm not going to make them".
I know that if I tried mediation my ex would not agree to it, as I've read that it can only happen if both parties are willing to participate. My ex would never do anything to help me. I can not afford a solicitor at the moment, and am stuck on which to turn for help and advice on trying to get my relationship back with my children.
Please can anyone help with any advice on what I could do.
Hi Craigy,
I think your ex is being unfair, what has happened is an issue of course it is and it is easy to say what you should have done was this or that, you know all of that without being told and i'm sure you have beaten yourself up over it already.
That said it also isn't the worst thing in the world, either your ex is right to be upset and angry but to stop the children seeing you is an over reaction.
if your ex won't allow you to see them then you can go through court and try and gain access and it will cost you £200 for the proccess and you can represent yourself all the way through.
You may want to try mediation first though before you go down the route of court as you may be able to resolve the issue without the courts.
GTTS
...just to add to what GTTS has advised, if you attend mediation it would have to be one that is in her vicinity and this might make it prohibitive. Usually the courts would expect mediation to have been attempted but I think the distance between you both could be a good enough reason to bypass it and go straight to court.
If you have a look at the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section you will find lots of useful information about the court process, the C100 form which is the form you would need to apply for contact, and self representing which is doable....lots of dads have chosen to go down that route so you will get plenty of advice and support here.
Perhaps you might consider writing her a formal letter and requesting that contact resumes. Apologise for what happened and give reassurances that it wont happen again. Remind her that is in the children's best interests to have you involved in their lives and that would be the view of the court too if you were forced to take such action....Try not to be threatening but point out that if she cannot agree to moving forward then you will do whatever it takes to make sure your children are not denied the contact that is their right. If you do write make sure you keep a copy and get proof of posting.