Hello All,
Recently my ex partner is telling me that I need to forward to her a letter, written by a laywer, stating that while I have my time/meetings with kids there will be NO ,third parties' involved. Which is an obvious move to block my new partner from meeting with kids. We have been living togheter for last two months. I have not had any contact with my kids since then. My ex just blocked it. I have suggested to my ex that I can arrange for first 3 or 4 meetings or even few weeks that kids will be with me only and after that I would slowly introduce my new partner but my ex does not agree. She want that to be permanent and at each occassion till end of time. I have applied for mediation and I am after my first appointment. She should have hers shortly. I would like to see my children in mean time as last time we had any contact was on 11th of July so 58 days ago
1. Would CAB or a lawyer be able to write me a letter stating ,no third parties involvement, at least till we get to mediation ?
2. Is such a letter statment taken in to account at court ?
Thanks in advance
Msr
Hello Msr,
If there is no Court Order in place for you to have contact with your children your Ex partner can do what she chooses. For her to expect you to go to a solicitor and guarantee in writing that your new partner will have no contact with your children is, I believe, unacceptable, unrealistic and also a controlling tactic to get her own way. What will be her next tactic to control access to your children if you give in to this demand?
I am assuming there are no safeguarding and/or welfare issues with regard to you and your new partner. That being the case I personally would attend mediation and if your Ex is not prepared to negotiate in a sensible and reasonable manner and come to a mutual family agreement for the benefit of the children and you, I would ask the mediator to sign off the form and take the matter to court to gain access.
Of course you want to see your children as soon as possible but I personally would never comply to what I believe is a controlling tactic and place myself in a position where further unreasonable requests can be made. If you did, you could find yourself in a situation where things were continually uncertain and access to the children fragmented or non existent. Furthermore, if the matter does go to court and you agree to this latest demand albeit with the best intentions, it could be make life more complicated for you further down the line or possibly be "turned on it's head" and used against you.
It would certainly disable you from having a healthy relationship with your new partner.
Try mediation and if it is unsuccessful in coming to a satisfactory solution and you pursue access to the children through the courts be prepared as invariably this can make mothers more hostile towards fathers as the control element is taken away from them and they do not like that. It is not a quick process going through the court system but at the end of it you do have a Court Order stipulating days and times for contact which has to be adhered to by both parties.
Hi there
I understand that you are missing your kids, but I wouldn't give way on this, or have any letters sent by a solicitor. You could write to her yourself and agree, that until mediation has started, you will keep the contact visits between yourself and the children.
Hopefully at mediation you can come to some agreement, but if not then court would be your only option, otherwise she will continue to dictate on this and try and maintain control.
As long as there are no safeguarding issues concerning your partner, the court wouldn't agree with your ex on this exclusion, separated parents can't dictate who the other parent can introduce the children to in their time with them.
It seems to me that having a defined order that states when you can see the kids, should send out a firm message to your ex that she can't use the children in this way.
All the best