[Solved] Dealing with Envious sister in law
I'm writing this because I'm at my wits end about what I should do. So for most of my adult life I've viewed keeping family close important not just for me, but for the sake of any potential kids in the family to have the oppurtunity that I didn't have as a first gen American... to actually know my extended family. About 5 weeks ago my wife and I(soon after getting married) found out we were pregnant. We were thrilled but I was a bit apprehensive about telling my brother and sister in law because they just had a miscarriage. We went through a miscarriage as well so we know how it feels however theirs occurred a year after trying so I imagine it was far more painful knowing that they were merely impregnated with false hope. We decided to break the news to everyone over a month after she told us about the miscarriage. Now the reason that I am writing this is because they are clearly unhappy or envious rather that we got pregnant first and that they are still struggling to get pregnant. I had a certain amount of empathy at first buy the way she is handling it has caused me to turn my empathy into anger. My aunt died about this last week and everyone came together except her. A few days later we celebrated my dad's bday with a suprise party and again she didn't show up. My brother said she was busy working on the house even though a week ago she was celebrating her sisters bday. I questioned then to see why they were acting this way and they said this has nothing to do with us even though my dad had just told me that they feel envy every time they see us and acknowledge it's unhealthy. I've always been close to my brother and that relationship is important to me but I fear that she's turned him against me even though he knows her way of thinking is ultimately unhealthy.
I think you need to focus on yourself and your wife. You can not control other people, especially when they behave in a silly way. They way my family are, is if someone gets pregnant, it would be announced like 3-6 months into the pregnancy. i heard that there is high risk of miscarriage in the first 3 months. so better to delay the announcement, incase of any disappointment.
you should give your sister in law some time. maybe after a couple of months, or a year, her relationship with you may improve.
Hello and thank you for the prompt straight forward reply. We announced our pregnancy after we heard that our risk of miscarriage was down to under 2 percent at the 8 week Mark so we did not see it as high risk anymore. Also I would rather the family know that we are pregnant so that if something does happen we wouldn't have to feel the load of grief primarily on our shoulders. I 100% agree with you that I can't change her and that I need to focus on my wife and I. It's harder said then done when someone in the family acts like this but ultimately well be better in the end. Maybe you're right and they will come around in the end..
Miscarriage to a woman is the loss of a child, if they have been trying for quite a while she will be stressed and unhappy... your brother will feel loyalty towards her, and want to protect her too.
I’m sure underneath her grief, she is happy for you and I agree with Bill that she needs time to come to terms with all of her own conflicting emotions.
They’ve acknowledged their mixed up feelings to your Dad, they know they need to address the envy and I’m sure they will, as recognising a problem is the first step to putting it right.
Congratulations by the way!
Hello - I guess by now you will be parents? How are things going? Well I hope. It sounded like your sister in law was at the time still grieving. We all deal with loss differently. She was brave to acknowledge her feelings to a family member. Be patient and I'm sure she will be a great Auntie to your baby.
Fegans Parent Support Volunteer